The end of 2009

Normally I post a reflection of some sorts but I'm not sure I'm up for that. I've been such a bad blogger lately. I guess facebook is my choice of addiction these days. I went and saw Sherlock Holmes today. I thought overall it was very good. I'm normally not a fan of Robert Downey Jr. but thought it pulled it off well.
Marty called me last night. He's frustrated dealing with more of his ex-wife's drama. He assures me that he's not interested in rekindling things with her but he really despises her current boyfriend. I told him that I thought he actually liked the drama and that he needed to figure out what he really wanted. He agreed (for once) but he still had no clue as to what would make him happy. He told me that his ex and I are the only people he feels he can talk to about anything without being judged. He apologized for "dumping" everything on me and I told him it was fine. I said that I would always be his friend and be there for him.
Tonight I'm making San Francisco chops for dinner with seasoned potatoes and a salad. Josh has a friend over watching the Star Wars Trilogy (IV, V, VI). My friend Kirsten is coming over around 7:00. We'll probably watch t.v. and then she'll call it an early night because she has something going on tomorrow. I'll probably stay up until midnight by myself and then call it a night. I downloaded Scrabble on my iPhone so it is a new addiction for me. I might stay up playing it as well.
Well, I need to get started making dinner. Perhaps we'll have a reflection post tomorrow.

Still Here

I'm still around, just been facebooking more than blogging lately. I did make a decision on the t.v. stand. I ordered a black corner unit from Amazon. It looks great but the electrical outlet on the wall is in an awkward place so I can't move it all the way against the wall. I did get the t.v. hooked up and upgraded my cable to get digital t.v. but I'm still not satisfied with the picture quality. The regular channels are fairly grainy and I think it should be more clear on such a fancy t.v.
I survived grad school this semester and made A's in both my classes. I managed teaching English as well, but mostly fly by the seat of my pants with that class. We rushed through Macbeth but I'm sure the students didn't mind. I'm looking more forward to the research project next semester. I need to focus on getting some of my library stuff done so I can take one of my classes next fall. If I pushed myself, I could finish by next December, but I'll probably just wait and take my capstone (final exam) next spring and graduate in May 2011.
I have a lot to get done during the break. I need to clean out my extra bedroom. I'm going to be renting it out to a college student starting in January. I hope that I can manage having a roommate. I think it will help me to stay on top of keeping my house clean. At least I hope I will.
I took my car in for an oil change and tire rotation today. I hope to stay on top of my car's maintenance. I usually haven't done that in the past but I want to do a better job of maintaining and not just wait until something major happens to it. It's cold here. Surprisingly we're in store for a white Christmas. It was foggy when I went to Amarillo today and Josh said it is now sleeting. We're supposed to get snow today and tomorrow but then it is supposed to clear by Christmas day. Josh and I are heading to Albuquerque on Christmas day and staying until Monday. My cousin's baby is getting baptized and Josh and I are playing a duet that he wrote.

Dilemmas

First I have to tell the exciting news. I won a 42 inch flat screen t.v. in a drawing at school. My principal did play a bit of a mean trick in telling me that I won though. He sent a secretary up to my room and she knocked on my door and said that the principal needed to see me in his office right away. No explaination. Very serious. So I head downstairs in a panic, wondering what I did wrong, if there was an emergency, or something of that sort. I get into his office and he introduces me to a woman there and asks if I have her son in class and I said that I didn't. He then said that I wasn't in trouble but I had won the big t.v. in the United Way drawing. (Everyone who donated to the United Way was entered in the drawing.) So it was a big relief and rather exciting!

So I have this big t.v. in a box in my living room right now, but nowhere to put it. I've been looking at t.v. stands and cannot find anything that I really like. My brother said that I should get a stand where I could mount it on the back so that it would be safer that sitting on a stand. Problem is the only stands I've found locally like that are in different kinds of wood and I want a black stand because I haven't decided what kind of flooring I'm going to put in here but it will probably be a wood laminate of some kind and I still don't know what shade/kind/etc. that I will be getting. I've found two that I like on Amazon, but they are the kind where you mount the t.v. I found one black one at Walmart but it has glass shelves and I really don't want glass. So that is one dilemma.

Next is that I'm thinking about renting a room in my house. At choir rehearsal last week there was an announcement made that a college student needed a room to rent in Canyon because she lives in Borger and the commute is too much for her. She is older, doesn't drink or smoke and does like animals. My dilemma is whether I really am up for a roommate who isn't related to me. When you're related to them - I guess it is more o.k. to be the slob that I am. My thinking though is that by having a roommate/tenent that I will be more inclined to pick up after myself. I do need to get my house in better shape and this would be an incentive to do so.

I'm still trying to figure out what to get everyone for Christmas. I've got a few ideas, but not set on anything in particular. I'm probably going to go through another moment of insanity and go out next weekend. It was rather insane this weekend already. I might just need to get out and go really early or really late. I went to Best Buy around 9:00 p.m. last night and it wasn't bad at all.

I don't know what to do with my other big t.v. now that I'm going to (eventually) use the one that I won. The new t.v. is actually smaller, but the one I have is a hand-me down big screen that is boxy - not flat, and the picture quality is not very good. It still works, but it is obsolete. Maybe I should put an ad for it on craigslist.

Well, I'm going to go fix some lunch, do some house cleaning and then at least think about grading some papers.

Desk obsession

I don't know if I truly have an obsession with desks, but I'm now the owner of yet a third desk in my house. But let me explain. I bought a new desk because I wanted a work space for doing my grad school stuff and grade papers and such instead of doing it from my recliner as I've done for the past year or so. I know what you're thinking. "If you already had two desks, why did you need a third?"
The first desk that I have is now the craft desk in the extra bedroom. I bought it when I was still married and bought my first Dell desktop computer back in 2003 or so. It is large corner desk that spans 6 feet on either side. It's not in great shape, but it is still holding up and works great for my crafting sewing area. While I could certain clear off an area to do my grad school work, I don't want to be closed up in a bedroom to work. I like being in the living room - sometimes in front of the t.v. with it on. Sometimes I turn it off, but regardless, I like being in this part of the house when I work.
The other desk I have is nice dark brown desk that is against a wall in my living room. The problem with that desk is that it really only fits the specific place it is in and to work from there my back would be to the t.v. (Yes, that's a stupid reason.... but it is just also in the wrong spot for me in general which is even more of a stupid reason, but I just don't find it to be work conducive for me.) It wouldn't work for me to move it where I've now put my new third desk and even if I thought it would work, I could not physically move it myself.
So that brings me to the newest addition to my house. As I would work in the recliner, I would have to deal with usually at cat on one side, the computer on the other, a book in my lap with a drink or snack on the table next to me. I also would have difficulty motivating myself to really work in such conditions. But really this all began with shopping for a new printer. I needed to be able to print stuff for school, but my printer was 1. in a different room. 2. currently out of ink. I hated that I had to get up and take my computer into that room to hook it up in order to print something. So then I though I'd get a wireless printer and just hook it up in the living room. But then I started thinking about work space in general and how I was really going to write my upcoming research paper when I needed to really spread out. So I started looking at desks. I had one idea in mind but then I saw this desk at Office Max on Saturday. I didn't buy it right away as I wanted to think about it. So I came back home to give it thought. I made my mind up to go get it but when I went back Saturday evening, it was no longer on sale and they had no more of the little papers that you take to the register. So instead I bought a chair on sale and came home and ordered it online. I got the sale price online and it had free shipping. It turned out to be a good thing because the box would not have fit in my car. So the desk arrived yesterday and I put it together last night. It took me four hours but I got it done. I really like it. It has a lot of work space and a place for my new (wireless) printer.
The chair, however, was another nightmare that I don't wish to share at this point. Now that I have my new workspace, I guess I don't have any more excuses for putting off homework, do I?

In other news, I dealt with a fraudulent charge on my bank card today. I noticed charge for 7.96 on my account but didn't recognize the company. I do buy a lot of stuff online but I couldn't remember anything for this amount. When I checked into it, I found that several other people had noted they had be fraudulently charged on their accounts. The website in question sold screen savers and I know I didn't purchase a screen saver. I called my bank and talked to them about it and had my card canceled. I then had to go in this afternoon and write a statement about it. It isn't so much about getting the money back as it is that someone did this and the irritation of it all. So now I don't have my bank card to use which is used for just about everything. And it's a matter of principle. I don't want scum like that to get away with stealing from me. So if you see any charges from ECONTENTNOW beware.

Though I finally got last year's yearbook finished and off, life certainly hasn't slowed down. Grad school is still going fast and furious as is my teaching job. I'm really ready for Thanksgiving break. Josh will be coming home and we'll head to Albuquerque for a few days. But I need to spend time writing my research paper. Well, it's past my bed time so I'm going to head that way.

Middle Aged

Now that I'm turning 40 (Nov. 10) I guess I would be considered "middle-aged." I don't know if that is a good or bad thing but I'm not keen on the idea of turning 40. Really, I guess it's no big deal. It's just another birthday and will probably be an uneventful one. I'll go to school. People will wish me happy birthday. I'll come home. I might go eat with my friend Pam, but there will be no big celebrations. No black balloons. No "over the hill" suggestions. I don't know if all that is a relief or a disappointment. In some ways I feel much older and alone. I don't mind being independent. After all - that's what I've been for some time. It doesn't necessarily bother me that Josh has gone off to college. I don't typically mind the solitude of my evenings. But sometimes I just wish I had something more. Well, enough whining about that. We always want something more than we have, don't we?
I know - if I'm lonely, I should do something about it. Easier said than done for a melancholic introvert. I even join things so that I can broaden my horizons, but even then I'm still a loner. I guess that is just who I am and who I'll always be. I guess I try to stay busy most of the time so I don't have to think about my loneliness.
So - in other news - I was sick and now I'm getting better. I missed two days of school last week which totally sucked. Some of my students threatened my sub and that really made me mad. I'm sure they'll just get their hands slapped like always. I enjoyed the brief visit from Josh. He came home this weekend to judge a speech tournament and to see the high school's musical. We had our traditional birthday dinner at Olive Garden. It was good, but I've gained about 200 pounds now.
Work is overwhelming. I stayed at school until 6:30 grading papers. Then I came home and made a quick dinner and worked on lesson plans. There's still a million things I should be doing, but I've got to get to bed at a decent hour tonight.
Well, I guess that's all the excitement going on here.

Sick again

I started developing a cough yesterday. Today I was still coughing and feeling a little achy. No fever though, but it's a little hard to breathe. I don't know if it's worth going to the doctor or not. I don't feel horrible - just not great. I am, however, going to call it an early night. I think perhaps I just need to get some rest. (Imagine that)
Tomorrow I have to get fingerprinted. Oh joy! It is a requirement by the state that every teacher is fingerprinted. It has been a complicated process and tomorrow is the day. I just hope I'm not one of those whose fingerprints get "rejected" because they aren't clear enough. If we don't get this taken care of within the 80 days of our "window" then we are out of a job - no ifs, ands, or buts. We immediately lose our certification until it is taken care of.
I still feel overwhelmed with work, but that is normal. I also need to get the house clean before Josh comes home this weekend. It will be nice that we can go to dinner like we usually do for our birthday though it will be a little early. Can you believe that I'll be turning 40 in a week? I'm not sure how I feel about that? I guess it will just be another day like it always is.
Well, I'm going to curl up with a book (something unheard of!) and call it an early night as promised.

Procrastinating

I actually have a song on my mp3 player titled "Procrastinating." It suits me to a T these days. I put off doing my grad school stuff until the day it is due. The cataloging stuff isn't very difficult but it takes me about 3 hours to read the chapters, do a practice assessment, a lab practice, post a discussion, and take a quiz. I scored a 100 on the quiz so that is a relief. I should be editing the yearbook from last year and getting it finished, but I'm just not in the mood to do it. So instead I started doing some research on my cataloging project that is due Dec. 1. I'm thinking about making a trip down to Denton so that I can view some of the materials in the library there as well as just getting away and spending time in a motel where I can hopefully focus a little more and get some work done. It's just a thought right now.
This past week was very full. I went to the Parish Mission every evening at 7:00 from Sunday-Thursday so needless to say I didn't get much done in terms of school or anything else. On Friday after school I helped out with setting up for the Fallback festival at church for about an hour. I went to just buy a ticket and ended up helping. Then I went to Walmart to get materials for my costume. I decided to try to make another clarinet costume - this time from scratch as I didn't have a long black dress to use. So I got a black twin sheet, hula hoop, black & yellow poster board, tin foil, and silver paint. I sewed the sheet into a dress of sorts but made a separate "bell" for the bottom portion with the hula hoop inside it to make it flair out. I attached it with velcro under the main dress. I made keys out of paper plates wrapped with tin foil and painted some of the other keys on the dress itself. I made a mouthpiece "hat" from the poster board and tin foil. I thought it turned out rather amazing myself. In fact, I won the costume contest at the festival. It was by "cheering" and I tied with Marilyn Monroe but the band that was singing broke the tie by voting for me (of course they would vote for the instrument.) I got LOTS of compliments on my costume, everyone thought it was very clever. A friend from church took pictures and as soon as she emails them to me, I'll post them.
On Saturday I finished the work on the costume (mostly) and went to take my journalism test in hopes of getting my certification. I really have no idea if I passed. I really think it could go either way. I guess I'll find out in a few weeks. Then I stopped by the speech tournament that was going on and said hello to the other coaches and the students. Then I came home to finish the costume before I headed out to the festival. I went to the festival, had my steak dinner, visited with some people, put in a few silent auction bids, then was supposed to work the computer for the reverse drawing. I already mentioned winning the costume contest and then around 9:30 I did my job with the reverse drawing. I found out that I won a gift certificate to the toyota dealership (I paid $10 for a $25 certificate) that I can use when I have to get my oil changed.
Despite the time change today, I was tired and slept in. I went to church at 11:15 and played at the service. I picked up some chicken for lunch and then surfed the web. I started working on library stuff at 3:00 and finished around 6:00. I spent time doing research after that and now I've decided to blog instead of doing yearbook. I guess I'm going to go find something to eat and then put in a few hours of work on the yearbook.
Band rehearsals start back up tomorrow so I've got that going. Luckily I don't have an assignment due like I normally do for my other grad school class.
Well, I'm off to procrastinate a little longer and then I'll get to work. I promise. Maybe.

My apologies

I was trying to post with some regularity, but alas, life gets in the way again. I had a great trip to San Antonio, though it was brief. I got some great rides in on Saturday morning. Fiesta Texas was very hospitable as always. They provided lunch and dinner and all sorts of extras for us - like free drinks. I get spoiled when I go to events like this because after being able to ride a coaster five times in a row it stinks to have to wait in line for an hour for just one ride on a coaster.

I'm still behind with work and I don't think I'll ever catch up. My to-do list just keeps growing. This week we're having a mission at our church which means we have something every evening at 7:00. Of course I don't have to go, but I want to so that means that homework and everything else gets put on hold. Last night I was up until 11:00 doing an assignment. I had to get it submitted by midnight and once again, I waited until the last minute. Once again, I'm not 100% happy with the work I did on it but it will probably be o.k. The last assignment that I submitted that I did not care for I got a 100 on... so I guess perhaps I'm just too much of a perfectionist.

I had a headache at school today. Actual headaches for me are rather rare. I don't know if it is because I didn't get enough sleep or what but it started on the way to school this morning and just got worse. I left at lunch to go pick something up and I went to Walmart and got some Excedrin (and chocolate). I picked up a coke and my lunch and took two Excedrin when I got back to school. It did the trick, but I'm still wondering why I had the headache in the first place. I know they just sometimes happen, but I'm not one that gets them very often (knock on wood).

I am debating whether or not I am going to the mission tonight. Tonight's topic is confession which should be good, but part of me just wants to stay at home. But then I also think I need to work more on my relationship with God and it would be good for me. I don't really need to go to confession because I just went the weekend before last and don't have any major sins but I should probably at least hear the message and then perhaps I can just head out early. Even if I stayed home, I'm 95% sure that I wouldn't do the work I need to do. I really need to get to bed early tonight. Maybe if I go to bed early, I'll be able to get up early and get to school early tomorrow. (Yeah, right.)

Well, I'm going to scrounge around and find a quick bite to eat and then head out to church. Then I'm NOT going to grade papers or do homework - but probably just call it an early night. Oh well. Call me lazy. Mostly I'm just tired.

**Edit: I did go to church and I even went to confession again. I didn't have a lot to say - but was able to get a few things off my chest - a few venial sins - and am thankful for the continuing grace of forgiveness. I just have to say that as much as confession still makes me nervous - I appreciate its purpose and the forgiveness it provides. I still love being Catholic.**

The crazy life

Yesterday was a full day. Since I went to church on Saturday, I didn't have to go to Mass on Sunday. I slept in a little bit and then did the review and quiz for my cataloging class. Thankfully I made a perfect score on the first try. The subject is getting a little more hairy, but I'm still managing to follow it pretty well. Figuring out subject headings is a bit confusing.
After I did that, I went to Amarillo for Diocesan choir rehearsal. I did that until almost 4:00. After that I went to help my friend Pam with a computer issue and then we went to dinner at a Mexican food restaurant. I left and went to the grocery store to get things for Josh. I sent him a care package in the mail today.
After I got home I did homework for school. I stayed up until 11:00 doing that and then had to call it a night.

Today was o.k. for a Monday. I'm starting to teach Beowulf but some of my kids are falling asleep in class. I should probably do something about it but since I'm going to let them use their notes on the quizzes, I guess those that follow along will do better than the others. I left school right at 4:00 so I could get back home and to the post office before it closed at 4:30. I mailed Josh's package to him as well as a little care package for Marty as a get well wish. (Yes, we still stay in touch and remain friends. Yes, I still love him and probably always will, but accept the fact that we can never be together.)

Tonight I finished the other half of my grad school homework and got it submitted. I just spent the last hour and a half creating index card reminders of all the cataloging rules so that I could get this week's exam done before I head for San Antonio. I still have a million things on the agenda but I'm going to just do them one at a time.

Relief

Well, I tried give him the opportunity to clear things up but for me it's over. Mostly it is the realization that he wasn't "it" for me and I knew that he never would be. The way he deals with things is to not deal with them and I can't handle that. There are other things too, but I know it's just not in the cards. The fact that he's already put up a profile on match.com is another sure sign that he's moved on.

For myself, I went to confession today and while it was difficult, it was very relieving. I feel like I'm getting a fresh start. I need to quit seeking my will and focus more on God's plans for me. Being the control freak that I am makes that difficult, but I feel like I can at least try again.... or let God work on me a bit.

I played at Mass tonight which means I don't have to go in the morning. I do have things to accomplish tomorrow, however. The list is never ending. I also have diocesan choir rehearsal as well. I guess I should get a few things done tonight before I go to bed.

Plans are set

Last night I rejoined ACE. I signed up for the event at Fiesta Texas. I've reserved hotel rooms for my trip. On Friday I'm driving down to Junction, TX after school. Luckily we have an early out that day. Then I'll drive into San Antonio on Saturday morning and go directly to the park. I'll enjoy the ERT (Exclusive Ride Time) that morning on my favorite coasters and enjoy the park the rest of the day. I'll head back on Sunday morning. I know it's a quick trip down there and back, but I've made quicker ones. One year when Josh made all-state band, I drove down halfway on Friday after school, then went to his concert on Saturday, had lunch and then drove home. Of course we can't forget the trip where I went down there and had the stomach flu while driving home.

Still haven't heard from Thomas. I sent him an email tonight just asking if things are over. I just don't like to be left "hanging on" so to speak. Unless we can resolve the issue, then in my mind it is over. I just don't know if that is going to happen.

Josh is doing great in school. He absolutely loves college. It suits him perfectly. He has already had a lot of great opportunities there. His favorite band composer, Mark Camphouse, came and directed his band for a concert. He also got to sit on a master class with him. Now he's getting involved in the scoring of a movie that the university produces every year. The theater department puts it together and the composition department gets to score the music for it. He calls me at least every week to tell me what's going on. Of course he finally added me on facebook so I can keep up with him that way as well.

I think I have choir rehearsal tomorrow. I should go check my schedule. If you haven't noticed.. I'm trying to post more regularly. I think right now it is simply because I'm avoiding other stuff.

So much for a relationship

I'm thinking I no longer have a boyfriend... but I'm really not certain. I sent him a text message today to the effect that if he really isn't a chance to see each other next weekend to let me know so I could make other plans. I also mentioned that I was sorry that what I said bothered him and I hoped that he would consider it from my perspective. The response I got from him was "go ahead and make other plans." So I did. I've been wanting to get back into ACE (American Coaster Enthusiasts) and start going to events again. I haven't been in probably five years now. There is an event next weekend that I wanted to go to but I decided I couldn't if that was the weekend that Thomas could visit. And since he can't/won't and won't let me visit him, I decided to hell with it all and that I was going to head to San Antonio and go to Fiesta Fest. It is my favorite park with some of my favorite coasters and I just want to be able to take a break from everything right now and find some enjoyment. Do I really have time for this? No. But I just don't care. I'm so stressed out by everything else that I think that I really need this break.

I haven't heard from Thomas all day other than the text message he responded to. He hasn't gotten online so I'm getting the silent treatment again. But I'm not really all that upset. The fact that he doesn't want me to visit him is very disconcerting for me. It makes me wonder what he is hiding. So I'm just going to go with my instincts right now and let it go. I would love to be in a relationship with someone, but perhaps it's just not in the cards for me right now.

Just Stuff

Well, I seem to have hot and cold days with my English class. Some days I can't stand them and then other days they're perfectly fine. In truth, I really like the kids I have - it's just sometimes the mix of them make them difficult to manage. Surprisingly those that I've given detentions to have come through and served them for the most part. I still have one that hasn't which means he'll end up with an office referral and then get an ISS (in school suspension). I'm finally teaching Beowulf. Today I read the first part of it to them and now they're doing a brief writing assignment on it. I still haven't read the whole thing - I mostly stay about a day ahead of them. This year I'm once again flying by the seat of my pants. I often wish there was a time that I didn't always have so much to do. Then again, if I didn't have something pressing at every waking moment, I'm not sure I'd know what to do with myself.

I'm not sure what my relationship status with Thomas is right now. He's dealing with a lot stuff and we left some issues unresolved (in my mind at least) last night. He doesn't think he'll come to visit in on the 23rd and though I've offered to travel up there, he won't offer the invitation. He just called and I reminded him of the conversation we had because he didn't think anything between us had changed and though he apologized for being insensitive, issues still remain unresolved. I asked him about the reason why he doesn't want me to come up there and in my mind it isn't particularly valid. He went on to say that he just isn't comfortable with that yet and that sends up a red flag in my mind. I told him so and at that point he didn't want to talk any more. So I guess we'll see if he decides to "deal" again at some point.

In happy news I got the new post secret book today. I can't tell you how much I love post secret. This week I played a video of secrets for my speech class and they had to write a journal on it. Now they are working on their personal profiles which is one of my favorite projects (along with appreciative listening). It would be so nice if my schedule was that I could teach speech classes all day. I think I could do so much more with those classes if I actually had time to prepare for them.

Ok, I'm feeling guilty once again. Tonight I made myself a bloody mary and I'm watching Mythbusters instead of grading papers. But part of me really doesn't care. I am thinking of having another drink, enjoying a great show on duct tape and then going to bed early. So sue me.

Where Am I?

Andrew (my number one fan) asked where I am. To be honest... I have no idea. I am still totally overwhelmed with work that I don't know where to begin. I was gone to convention for three days. During the time that I was not attending meetings (and sometimes during the meetings) I updated my coachingspeech website that I hadn't updated in a year. I put in probably 15 hours of time on the site and have it mostly updated. I still haven't finished editing last year's yearbook or making the changes needed to get it submitted. I'm going to start teaching Beowulf this week but am still unprepared for it but going to get started regardless. I haven't turned in lesson plans for the last two weeks. My speech classes are trucking along simply because I already have the materials I've used the last four years. Nevermind any grand ideas of going beyond what I've always done. My house is slowly turning back into disarray. My cataloging course is going well - I made a 100 on a quiz the first time I took it recently which was a nice feeling. I seem to just "get it" when it comes to cataloging. Maybe that means I was meant to be a librarian. My other course is fine in general except that I probably turned in the worst paper I've ever done. It was certainly not up to my own standards, but I put it off until the last minute (and really didn't have time to work on it) so I threw it together tonight. I submitted it anyway and will just hope for the best. The rest of my grades in the class are good so hopefully it won't kill me too much.

I hate the fact that I don't like being a teacher this year. In the past, I've had some bad days and good days but overall, I at least didn't mind teaching for the most part. This year, I hate it. I got a horrible report on my class from hell while I was gone. I'm sick of trying to teach a subject that I despise teaching. I love the idea of English and grammar and literature - but not when it comes to teaching others about it. I'm a stickler for good grammar most of the time (don't judge my blog, however, as I don't often proof read) but that is simply for myself. I am just unhappy in my job right now and that just brings down life in general. Sure, it's nice to have a boyfriend (when he's not sick and uncommunicative) but I wish I simply had more down time. Yeah, I know I like to be lazy and sometimes I still am which means I scramble but it seems that I'm constantly having to do something. You know I felt GUILTY this weekend when I got home from convention at 8:00 p.m. on Saturday and I didn't do any school work. I did end up doing more work on the website but that's something I enjoyed doing and haven't been able to do in a long time.

I'm sorry I'm whining so much. I really hope that I'm doing the right thing by pursuing my library degree. I can't tell you how badly I want to get out of the classroom. I've decided that if I do it right, I'll be able to graduate in December of 2010. Of course, that doesn't mean I'll get a library job in the middle of the year, but at least I'll have the certification and master's degree and I can start in the 2011 school year - which at this point seems incredibly far away. But maybe there is a little light at the end of the tunnel.

Well, I guess that's enough for now. I'm going to bed despite the work that still awaits in my bag beside the chair. I'm just too burned out to focus at this point.

Just Tired

I feel exhausted. I guess I still have remnants of the sickness I had two weeks ago. I still have laryngitis though it is getting a little better. Even though I went to bed at a decent hour last night, I felt tired all day. I came home had a quick snack and then laid down for a bit. I didn't sleep really, but just rested. I got up after an hour or so and made something for dinner. I need to do homework, but I just don't think I can concentrate tonight. I don't have to do a post until tomorrow evening so I think I'll hold off. I have to get up rather early tomorrow in preparation for picture day at school. At least it is Friday. Next week I only have to be at school two days. I'll be headed to convention in Dallas.

I think I'm going to fly to Denver on the 23rd to meet Thomas. We're going to go ride coasters at Elitch Gardens. It is still open during weekends and that's a park that I've never been to. I think it will be a great trip.

Restful Day

I was able to sleep in this morning which was lovely. I was so tired that I went to bed at 9:30 last night. I woke up around 4:30 but was able to go back to sleep. I didn't get up until 8:00. I got up and paid bills online and then got ready for my meeting. Had a meeting in Canyon and then went to lunch with some fellow teachers at Feldman's. I had chicken fried chicken with mashed potatoes and corn. It was very yummy. I probably shouldn't have eaten that much but I was hungry!

I came home afterward and was still tired so I took a nap. I guess I'm still dealing with a general sickness. I turned my room into a sauna last night by running the hot water in the shower and leaving the door open and running a clothes steamer I have. Sure enough after about 30 minutes the mirror in my room was fogged up and it felt moist in there. Then I went to bed with the humidifier on. I don't know how much it helped though. I still have laryngitis, but my voice might be slightly better today. I hope that it goes away soon... it is very annoying.

Thomas is sick. I guess I was still infectious with what I had two weeks ago because he's come down with a cold or something. I didn't have a cold really - mostly tonsillitis with fever, but he doesn't have his tonsils. But he didn't seem to mind getting it.... after all, I am a good kisser!

I'm trying to work on my library stuff but the reading is going slow. Cataloging is getting more complex. Creating a MARC record isn't as simple as putting the title and author down. I'm really doing my grad school stuff because I don't want to work on other things. It's my way of procrastinating - but at least I get other things done. Sometimes I put off cleaning for a long time but then I do it when I know I should be doing something else and I don't want to do what really is most important. Like right now I should be finishing the chapter on Access Points in my cataloging text book, but I'm blogging. Sometimes you just need to take a break, you know?

No Voice

I have laryngitis and am losing my voice. I can barely speak and the more I do, the more strained my voice is. Of course I had to lecture all day today which didn't help. I'm trying to make another plan for tomorrow so I don't have to talk as much. I brought home papers to grade but I just don't feel up for it. I'm going to set up the humidifier tonight and just go to bed early.

Quick Recap

Thomas just left to head back home. Here's a quick recap of the visit. I'll write more details later.

He arrived Friday night around 6:30. We visited for a bit, had some beer and watched Monk on t.v. He was exhausted by 10 or so we called it a night.

Saturday morning I took him to Palo Duro Canyon and we did the hike to Lighthouse Rock which is about 6 miles round trip. It was very exhausting, but we got to visit a lot on the way and he seemed to enjoy it. We ate lunch in the Canyon and headed back home. We made a quick trip to Amarillo in the afternoon and then I made him supper last night. I cooked stromboli and fettucine alfredo with some salad. He really liked it. We then watched the movie "Love Actually" and he enjoyed that as well.

Sunday morning I took him to Church. He was extremely nervous about it. But he seemed to enjoy the service. He liked the reverence of it all which is what drew me to Catholicism in the first place. I tried to explain things to him as they were happening and he was able to follow along pretty well. I introduced him to my friend Carol and my friend Mary who is the choir director. He handled that pretty well. (He is very shy.) Then after mass I picked up donut stop donuts and we brought them back to the house. He just left a few minutes ago to head back to Colorado.

So the big news is that we're officially dating now. The chemistry we've had online and on the phone was even more apparent when we met. I also thought he was far more handsome in person though I was already impressed by his pictures. Is he "the one"? I have no idea, but I would like to continue to develop a relationship with him and see how it goes.

Today I have to finish a test for my cataloging class. I had intentions to get it done before Thomas arrived, but cleaning the house kept me busy. I also have some assignments to finish for another class as well as lesson plans to get done. But right now I'm going back to bed and taking a nap.

Overworked

Tonight I stayed at school until 7:00. I graded papers and planned a lesson on teaching prefixes in English. I still have a long list of "to do" items and it continues to grow. I finally got a satisfactory response on the question that I got wrong on my cataloging quiz. I guess that I shouldn't have the assumption that most people know that Tucson is in Arizona. From now on I will err on the side of caution in that respect.

Kind of had another silence issue with Thomas but it was probably more my expectations than him being silent. I guess I shouldn't expect to converse with him every evening. He's still coming on Friday and I'm still looking forward to it. I hope it isn't awkward. I do feel like I know him pretty well already and that he knows me. Hopefully there won't be any bad surprises. I'm kind of worried about living up to his expectations. Of course I think I'm a great catch and right now he thinks that too... I just hope that I don't have a blind spot in that regard.

I could continue to do school work tonight, but I think I just need to draw the line at working 3 hours after school. I'm going to get some more house cleaning done. The kitchen is still clean (thankfully). I need to do some tidying up in a few rooms and then really focus on my room and bathroom.

Well, I better quit blogging and get myself to work. I'm trying to blog with a little more regularity this year - but can't make promises to keep up with it!

Three Days and counting!

Can you tell I'm excited? Thomas will be here on Friday! Not sure what time he'll get to town. It will depend on if he can get off from work a little early. Still making plans for the weekend.

I'm trying to get caught up with all my work, but it's not going very well. I finally started making a list today and it is still daunting. It is getting to the point where I feel so overwhelmed that I just want to shut down. Last night I spent four hours writing a class assignment that was just a memo. But I had to read a bunch of articles, justify everything and create a bibliography of sources used. It wasn't difficult, but time consuming. Then I realized that I was supposed to have been part of a discussion group beforehand and I hadn't been placed in a group. I emailed the professor and now I've been added to the group.

I still haven't turned in lesson plans for the year. One of these days I'll get to it, but it stays low on my list of things "to do." Tonight I have to participate in a chat for my cataloging class. We have our first exam this week. I don't think it will be difficult as long as I don't make stupid mistakes. I'm going to get it out of the way early before Thomas comes.

Things are going well with Thomas so far. Now when he's going to be out of pocket, he calls me and lets me know. It's a small thing, but it's something I appreciate. He called me at lunch time today and I'm sure we'll chat this evening while I work on class stuff.

Well, I better get busy and get some work done - though I really think it isn't fair to have to work so hard in the evenings. Does everyone bring their work home with them? I would really like to have a job that when I leave at the end of the day the work stays there and I don't have to spend additional hours preparing and working. Life is too short to not enjoy time away from the job. I guess teachers are just supposed to deal with because we get summers off... let me tell you that if I "earned" extra time for all the hours I spend beyond the classroom - I should get a year off at least!

Can't sleep

I tried to go to bed around 11 and I'm still awake. I have a tickle in my throat I can't relax my mind enough to fall asleep. I just took a benadryl in hopes that it will get rid of the throat issue (and sneezing) and knock me out shortly. Of course I'm supposed to play at Mass tomorrow. Thankfully it is the 11:15 service instead of the 8:30. Otherwise, I don't think I'd make it.

I spent much of today (but not enough) cleaning the house. The kitchen is clean and I even mopped the floor. The living room is mostly picked up. I have a few more things to tackle in there. I need to tidy up the extra bedroom and Josh's room. The next biggest chore will be cleaning my room and my bathroom. I'm trying to get most of my cleaning done this weekend in preparation for Thomas' visit next weekend. I don't want him to know the total slob I am just yet. Though I have told him that I am not a good housekeeper. He did say though, that if I cook, he'll do the dishes... now that is a winner in my book.

I only briefly talked to him this morning. He went to visit one of his sons this weekend. Tomorrow I have a bunch of things to accomplish. The cleaning might get put on hold. I have to get a bunch of papers graded, complete three weeks worth of lesson plans, complete a practice assignment for my cataloging class and take a quiz, and start a memo assignment for my other library class. I think after church I'm going to go to the library and force myself to get some work done. I am always too distracted at home. If I stay here I will probably procrastinate my homework by cleaning - which in general would be good, but I need to really focus on school stuff or I will never catch up. O.k. I know that I will never catch up regardless, but at least I might not feel as overwhelmed.

Well, I'm going to TRY to go back to bed. Maybe now that I've blogged my mind will feel a little less full.

Still Going...

but barely. I've been home sick for two days. On Tuesday morning I started getting a scratchy feeling in my throat. As the day progressed, I started feeling worse and I could feel my tonsils getting more sore. By the time I got home I had a fever. At 1:30 in the morning I realized that I couldn't go to school so I got on the computer to put in for a substitute, created a lesson plan for the day, and emailed to to three people at school. At 6:30 that morning I called the principal to let him know. At 9:00 I called the doctor's office and scheduled an appointment. I still had fever, still felt horrible. Thankfully it wasn't strep (or I'm sure I would have felt a lot worse) but I do have tonisillitis. I picked up a (free) prescription at the store yesterday and came home and went to bed. I hardly got out of bed at all except to make a quick dinner.
I decided last night around 7:30 that I probably shouldn't push it and should try to get another day of rest so I went ahead and made the arrangements for a sub again. I'm glad I did. Though the fever is gone, I just feel drained. Hopefully I'll be ready to go back tomorrow.
So in other news. I hate teaching. Let me rephrase that. I hate teaching English. I really don't like my class. If I could get rid of about 3 students, it wouldn't be too bad. I'm still perpetually behind and missing school for two days this week certainly isn't going to allow me to catch up. But I honestly don't care. I know it is a bad attitude to take, but I really did not WANT to teach Enlgish. I still feel overwhelmed. I have no idea what I'm doing in this class and I don't know that I'll ever get ahead. Or perhaps that is just my "calling" to always be behind. I used to have a sign in my room that said "God put me on this Earth to accomplish a certain number of things. I'm so far behind that I'll never die." That is the story of my life right now.
In the dating arena, things are going well so far. Thomas will be coming to visit in just over a week. We still talk daily. I still like him a lot. I really hope that meeting will really confirm our compatibility.
Well, I think it is time to find something for lunch. Maybe that will give me a little more energy. I still feel tired and haven't really moved much from the bed all morning. Good thing have this laptop lap desk.

Better now

So, he didn't lie. I overreacted, but his reaction to my overreaction was a bad decision in being silent. He was overwhelmed and feeling smothered. I was smothering because he wasn't talking. A total catch-22. We've talked. I had lots to say about it. He apologized. I apologized. We cleared things up - set some new ground rules and are back on track. He said he was still crazy about me. Yes, he acted childishly, but to be honest, I did too.

We thought we might get to meet this weekend, but doesn't look like it will happen. We still have plans for the weekend of the 25th. And yes, he's making the trip down here. I think it's more appropriate that he makes the first trip effort. (Especially after all my efforts with Marty along with the money I spent.) I'm trying to be careful and take things slow. He'd like to move faster still but I'm still keeping things toned down to a degree. Our emotional levels have not been in sync yet, but I think they're moving closer together. I was surprised that I was more upset by the possibility of not getting a chance with him than I thought I would be.

So that is where things are at this point. Relationships are still complex and full of those moments of figuring out what sets each other off. I think we discovered that fully this past weekend.

School is still overwhelming. I am constantly behind. I have no idea how I'm supposed to teach English this year. And now I have to take a stupid journalism test to get my certification. I hope it gets better soon.

Making some progress

I've been cleaning this weekend. It's not where it needs to be yet, but I'm getting closer. Most of the laundry is done but still need to mop, and do other general cleaning.

I'm still getting nowhere with Thomas. He refuses to call me. I may have to take Abbagirl's advice and let him go. I've pretty much given him a deadline of 10:30 tonight to call me. I cannot be in a relationship with someone that refuses to communicate with me regardless of the reason.

I took my cataloging quiz today and made a perfect score on the second try. I was glad they gave us multiple chances to take it. I scored a 70 the first time.

I'm having some wine right now and thinking about making something for dinner. How's your weekend going?

Unfocused again

Well, I've spent two days avoiding things that need to be done by doing other things that need to be done, but not necessarily as a priority. I'm irritated with yet another issue with the potential new man and it has yet to be resolved. I'm getting the silent treatment again, and it is frustrating. So I started cleaning last night. I've done dishes, about half the laundry, swept, and some general cleaning in different rooms. It's not finished yet, but I've made a good start.
I'm starting to read my books on cataloging but I'm easily distracted. I can't say the reading is all that stimulating right now. I have to take a quiz by tomorrow and I haven't started it yet. I also have an assignment due on Monday. And I just realized I forgot to post one of my discussions on time. That is the first time I've missed a deadline. I just posted it but hate that I'm going to lose points for being late. Ugh.
Well, I'm going to do a little more cleaning since I can't focus on the book and commit to giving myself some quiet time to read tomorrow.

Explain this...

Why do men feel it is o.k. to lie to someone in hopes of avoiding conflict?

Getting overwhelmed again

Time to catch up a little. I thought that giving up the speech team would mean that my schedule wouldn't be as bad. Adding English to the schedule just might kill me though. I have absolutely no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea how to teach Beowulf. Of course it would probably be better if I actually read it first. The last two weeks haven't been too bad, but I'm falling totally behind. I have four weeks to cover six weeks of materials for English which in reality should take about 12 weeks. I don't know what kind of teachers created C-Scope, but they are insane or they all have college level classes that they teach. I don't think they understand that my standard students will need much more time to complete assignments.

I finally got my textbooks ordered for my college classes. That was nightmarish. One of the books I needed seemed to be back ordered everywhere. I finally went directly to the publisher and it should be delivered tomorrow. The other came today via Amazon. I haven't really started the classes because I was waiting on the books. I'll focus more on them this weekend. I think they are going to be very daunting this semester. It's definitely getting more difficult.

I found out that my district wants me to get certified in journalism which means I have to take the state test for it. They'll reimburse me for what I spend on it. If I pass, then they'll pay for the cost to add that certification on my state record. I told our personnel director though, that I was working on my Library certification and she was very excited to hear that. I told her that I only planned to do what I'm doing for two more years. She asked if I planned to stay in the district and I said "As long as I get a library job."

Josh seems to be doing well in college. He loves his classes, but is bored in theory and piano. His dorm rooms are freezing. He's using his top sheet, a flannel throw, and comforter when he sleeps and he says it's still cold. The food, he says, is actually pretty good. He is actually "complaining" that there's too many good desserts. (He's a strange kid that doesn't want to eat too much sugar.) Today I got a text about the fact that they have chocolate donuts for breakfast that are quite good. Donuts are probably Josh's biggest weakness. He hasn't found a workstudy job yet. He's putting in applications and hopes to hear something soon. It turns out that Josh is only one of two students accepted into the composition program this year. Pretty impressive, huh?

As for the dating front, there's a few frustrations but it's still going well. I got a bit irked at him this weekend because he left town to go camping with no warning. Not that that in itself is bad, but I told him I'd be calling him when I got back from my meeting on Saturday (he called me while I was driving and I couldn't talk then) and then he was just gone. I didn't hear from him until Monday evening. I probably shouldn't have gotten worked up about it, but I did. Eventually I explained why I was upset and then moved on. We still haven't met in person and had hopes of doing so this weekend, but it won't happen. He has to work on Labor day which makes it impossible. So not it won't be until the end of September before we meet. We've still had some good conversations. I think he's already fallen for me more than I have for him, but he understands my reservations. My issue now is to see if the chemistry continues when we meet in person. It is nice, though, to talk to a guy that seems to be genuinely interested in me. That wants to know me. That wants to be with me. That thinks I'm attractive. That thinks my ex-husband was an idiot for letting me go. What more could I ask for? No, he's not perfect, but neither am I. And he accepts and wants me despite that fact. So now I'm anxious to finally be with him and am trying to muster up my patience.

Now I've got to figure out what I'm going to do in my classes tomorrow. Thankfully it's Friday with a three day weekend. Doesn't mean it will be easy. I have a lot of work lined up. Grad school classwork and lesson plans to prepare.

Alone Again

Josh is officially off to college. We left after school on Wednesday. I dropped my car off at the airport parking (since I'd be flying back.) Josh drove to Decatur and we got in around 10:30 p.m. On Thursday we left around 8:30 and got to the dorm around 1:30. Of course he was assigned to the 4th floor. We made five trips up and down the stairs to get all his stuff moved in. It was exhausting. After that we got his parking permit and then went to the business office to check on his financial aid. Luckily his final bill only came to $331. I paid the amount but told him he'd need to start saving money he earns in workstudy so he'll be able to pay the the bill next semester. We found out that they credited all the scholarship money he received from local scholarships on this semester rather than splitting it between the two. So after that we went to get his textbooks. Of course being late in getting them meant that he was pretty much stuck with new books which were more expensive. Josh spent $500 on just his books and we had to go to three different bookstores to get all of them.

After that we picked up my friend Kirsten and went to dinner at Chili's. From there we went to Walmart to get a few more things for his dorm room. Josh dropped us back at Kirsten's and he headed back to campus. He picked me up this morning at 7:30 and took me to the airport in Tyler. I flew home and got in around 3:00. I picked up my contacts, stopped at Target for a few things and then took a very brief nap.

So now I'm home and really alone for the first time in almost 19 years. I'm doing fine. I didn't cry after leaving him. He's already called me twice now. I'm waiting for him to add me on facebook (he promised once he left for college.) I'm sure it will seem quiet from time to time, but I'm glad he's in school and excited about where he is. I know he'll do fine.

Tonight I've got to work on a presentation for tomorrow. I'm presenting a technology session for an area speech meeting. I have to leave at 6:30 tomorrow morning. One of these days I really need to stop putting things off and waiting to get things done at the last minute. I suppose I thrive under pressure.

Well, I better quit blogging and get to work.

The Empty Nest is coming

Tomorrow Josh and I head to his school far, far away. We'll leave after I get out of school and drive about half-way. I have to drop my car off at the airport parking on the way out since I'm getting back on Friday mid-afternoon and I don't have anyone to pick me up. He'll check into the dorm on Thursday and I'll stay with my friend Kirsten. Josh will have to drive me to the airport on Friday morning and I'll fly home. Not sure what I'm going to do in such a quiet house. It won't last though. Saturday morning I have to drive to Lubbock for a speech meeting. Sunday will be church and then the week starts over for me. I'm going to have to get my house clean at some point. But I'm going to go to bed early tonight. I'm not liking getting up early in the mornings.

First Day Back

And I'm exhausted. I'm not used to being up all day. And I really didn't "teach." I don't go over all the bullsh*t rules and procedures the first day because it's pointless. The classes do not stabilize for a few weeks. So we did a small project where I can get to know my students better (which is another requirement this year). Tomorrow we're going to start using the computers (all new iMacs) and since I'll be gone on Thursday and Friday, they will watch a movie.

So far my classes are fine. Second period was a little talkative, but not too much of a problem. I have a really good schedule this year. I actually have three conference periods but I don't tell many people that. But even with three conference periods, I still work completely through them. I set up moodle accounts for my students today and set up their moodle projects for tomorrow. I still have no idea how I'm going to teach English, but for a while, my classes will be doing the same projects until I can get the lesson plans down. (The lesson plans from hell that is.)

I'm really, really liking Thomas. We talk ALL the time - which I love. I'm still holding out for actually meeting in person, but based on what I already know, I'm pretty sure that it will be great when that happens. Though we thought about meeting this coming weekend, it turns out he might have some time off during the Labor day weekend so he may come down here. Kind of have to play it by ear right now since his boss is out of town. I'm almost a little disconcerted by the fact that this relationship began online - because I've never had luck in that respect - but maybe this time it will work out. I hope so at least.

Tonight I need to pay bills and work on an upcoming workshop I'm doing this weekend. I really need to stop volunteering for things like this.

Car Shopping Done

Ugh, I hate car shopping. We headed out to the used car corner in Amarillo where there's a number of used car dealerships all in the same area. The only thing we found close to our price range was an 02 Mitsubishi Lancer that smelled of cigarette smoke. It had an engine light issue and a broken knob on the air conditioner. But it drove fine and so it was a consideration. I called my brother and he was at the Toyota dealership getting a new truck so he checked to see if they had anything in stock there. They had a 98 Toyota Avalon for $6000. It was $1000 over my budget, but we headed over there to test drive it. It was a really nice car with leather seats and it ran well. When we got back I told the salesman that I could pay $6000 all inclusive meaning tax, title, and license were included. So we went inside to see if they would do that. He came back at $6472. I told him no. I said I'm already going $1000 over my budget and that was too high. He asked if I could go over at all like $100 and I said no. So he said he'd check again. Josh then said that if was $100 or so over that he'd pay for it. But the guy came back and said they would do the $6000 even. So I wrote a check for it and now Josh has a new car. Of course that was the money for my flooring in my house so I hope I get some of it back when the insurance company settles with me.

I started dishes today so far, but haven't done much else. I'm going to do laundry tonight and a little cleaning. Tomorrow I'm playing at mass and then I might go up to the school for a little bit.

Still much to be done

Today was a work day at school for me. I got my room clean (except don't look in the closet or the storage room). I don't really have my plans for next week, but general ideas. I'll work on some of that this weekend. I was already pretty exhausted by lunch time today. I need to start going to bed earlier. I keep talking to Thomas in the evenings and go to bed later than I probably should. I know that will have to change once school starts. We are discussing meeting next weekend though. It would be a quick day trip meeting halfway for lunch. I think it would be good though and am excited about the possibility. Though I'm still very interested in him, I really need that actual, physical moment of contact before I can commit to the idea of a relationship with him. For, him, he's already there. As long as there are no surprises, I think there is a great potential for something to happen between us.

The insurance company has decided to total the car, but no word on how much we'll get out of it. Regardless, we have to find another car for Josh this weekend. We just don't have any more time. He's decided he wants to get something locally so we don't have to make a long trip to Dallas or somewhere. So I'm going to start looking at other options this evening and we'll probably head out tomorrow in search of something.

I need to clean the house this weekend. I want to start the year with a clean house. Though I still didn't get everything done that I wanted to at school, I'm starting off better than I did last year. I love having all new Mac computers in my room. It's quite impressive. Even my principal is jealous.

Well, I still haven't eaten anything for dinner so I'm going to go scrounge around for something.

Back to School

School started for me last Thursday. I thought perhaps I'd be further along than I am right now, but I'll probably start this year perpetually behind like I did last year. I am thrilled, however, that I'll get to stay in my room for the second year in a row this year. That is a first since I've been at this school. I had to unpack and install 22 new computers. I've been doing a little painting on a few things. There's still lots of cleaning to be done. Not to mention that I have to create complex lesson plans for my three subjects that I'm teaching - including English this year. Ugh!!! I mean, I can write. I understand the rules of grammar. I'm just not sure I can or want to teach it to others. But I just have to stick it out two more years. Our librarian is retiring then and I'll be finished with my degree by then. (If teaching English doesn't kill me first.)

So I guess I should give you news on the dating front. I'm still talking to Thomas. (The guy from eharmony that lives in Colorado.) He seems quite interested in me. He calls me often and we talk on the phone or online daily. It's really nice to feel pursued. The only issue is that we won't be able to meet in person for another month because of our schedules. I do like him a lot. He's intelligent and honest which seems to be a rare find these days. I like the fact that he is the one calling me and I'm not necessarily doing all the chasing. I just wish we would have the opportunity to meet in person sooner.

In other news, Josh wrecked his car again. He's o.k. but there's some good damage to the front corner. Luckily it was still fully insured. I was going to cancel the full coverage because I just paid off the second loan I had on it, but hadn't gotten to it. I doubt we'll get much out of it but we'll see. We're still waiting to hear from the claim company to see if they'll pay for the repair or total it. If that's the case I have this weekend only to get him a new car. Talk about perfect timing. There goes the new counter for the kitchen.

Well, it's late and I need to go to bed. Will try to post more often this year. Maybe I'll get a few readers back.

The New York Experience

This is for Abbagirl (and my two other readers) that wanted to know specifically what I did in New York.

Here's what I did in New York. It started out with a real New York experience with the shuttle ride from the airport. Not only did we have to deal with traffic, at our first hotel stop, the driver and a passenger got into a fight. The police were called and we waited there for 45 minutes for the situation to get resolved. The driver asked the passenger how he was going to pay for the ride and the passenger said he prepaid with a credit card. The driver then asked for his confirmation number and the passenger said he didn't have it. The driver wouldn't let him leave with all of his luggage until he got the number and the guy tried to take off. They scuffled and the passenger started yelling that he was being attacked. He called the police and a report was taken. So a trip that should have taken about an hour took 2 1/2 hours. We were starving by then so after checking into the hotel, we walked down to Little Italy and had dinner.

On Saturday we bought metro tickets for the subway and headed to the meatpacking district to visit the Ground Zero museum. We got there early so we wandered over to the Hudson river to walk around a bit and it turns out that we were in the area where the recent helicopter/plane crash happened just an hour later. (We were in the museum at the time.) The museum was really mostly a photo gallery with audio stories but it was truly amazing. I highly recommend it. Then we had lunch at a local pizza place (our cheapest meal at $12), then we took a ride on the Staten Island Ferry, then walked over to the WTC site (which was really just construction that we couldn't really see), then we attempted Mexican food in NYC (not quite real Tex-Mex).
On Sunday I went to Mass at St. Patrick's Cathedral, then we went to the Museum of Modern Art (which was o.k. but I'm not artsy in that sense), we then went to see a Broadway Show (Mary Poppins - which was amazing), and had dinner at Planet Hollywood in Times Square and then went to Madam Tusseaud's.
Monday was spent at the American Museum of Natural History, then a brief jaunt to Central Park to view Strawberry Fields (John Lennon memorial). Afterward we went to the NY Public Library, Grand Central Station, and then to the Empire State Building. We had dinner then went to a large used bookstore called The Strand. Josh found two music books he really wanted so I got them for him. It was then I discovered my bank put a hold on my card.

Tuesday we walked across the Brooklyn Bridge then took a long subway ride to Coney Island so we could ride the Cyclone. I bought the picture taken on it because it was a great one of me and Josh with our hands up in the air. Then we went to Prospect Park and Greenwood cemetery (since Josh just read 1776 and wanted to go there). Then we headed back towards the hotel. We stopped in Little Italy again for dinner and gelato and did a little bit of souvenir shopping. By then we were thoroughly exhausted. I made arrangements for a car service to pick us up the next morning to take us to the airport. (Had enough of the shuttle experience) We flew back to Albuquerque, had dinner with my aunt and uncle, and then drove back home.

My Observations about NYC

It’s not as scary as I thought it would be.

Tall buildings are really cool.

NYC streets are filthy.

The subway system is easy to navigate and use. Must have unlimited Metro Pass. Well worth it.

I would not do NY without an iPhone. Hopstop program is essential. (But it’s not always accurate – but it’s more right than wrong.) A compass would have come in handy.

Some women wear very tight clothing (that shouldn’t be wearing it.)

Bras are optional.

Comfortable shoes are an absolute must. No exceptions. Girls that walk in high heels in this city are crazy.

Traffic lights, lanes, and signs that say “No Honking” are merely suggestions as are the “Don’t Walk” pedestrian lights.

It might be worth it to stay in a less crowded area that isn’t very noisy (but has no shopping and very few restaurants.)

There’s way too much to do in NY than can be done in just four days.

Ground Zero museum is well worth it. Very moving. Amazing pictures.

A Broadway Show is an absolute must and worth every penny.

Times square is very crowded and people that walk slow are annoying.

Smoking should be banned altogether in the city.

Don’t expect great service at restaurants. You’ll be lucky to see your server once after food is delivered. Forget refills if you only have water to drink. I only tipped about 16%. I’d tip the full 20% or more if I got better service at restaurants.

Food is way overpriced. Mexican food in NYC is laughable.

Airport shuttles are cheap – but you get what you pay for. It took three hours to get from Newark to our hotel. (But did have that real New York experience where a passenger and the driver got into an argument.)

It was worth the price to pay double for a private car service on the return trip to the airport. Car was waiting outside our hotel right on time and we got to the airport in 20 minutes.

There’s no guilt of overeating because you walk it all off.

Wish I would have gotten tickets to the Mostly Mozart festival. Live and Learn.

It’s hot in subway stations. Subway trains in Brooklyn are slower than in Manhattan.

New Yorkers get their sleep, listen to music and read on the subway. (And sometimes break dance.)

NYC is completely full of diversity. Numerous languages were spoken here.

There really are people that talk to themselves and act crazy on the streets.

The top of the Empire State Building isn’t as big as I thought it would be (or as it seems in the movie Sleepless in Seattle)

A long subway ride after walking across the Brooklyn Bridge is a great way to rejuvenate.

Grand Central Station has the thinnest toilet paper I’ve ever used.

It's not good to have a local bank card that gets a hold put on it during the weekend. (Even though they tried to call me, I never heard the phone because it is so loud there.) Thankfully I had enough cash until I could call them myself.

Moving along

I have been totally lazy for the last week. I think I'm trying to make up a summer's worth of laziness all at once. I have a workshop to teach tomorrow and I've been putting off the work I need to do for it for days now. I finally went through my materials today and put together an agenda of sorts. I have all the powerpoints I need. I went through the ones that I'm unfamiliar with. I decided which pages I wanted to copy for handouts. I'm going to try to leave by 7:30 in the morning to pick up candy as prizes and to get to Kinko's for the copies I need.

But that's not what you wanted me to write about is it? No, my three readers are all probably wondering what the deal with the new guy is, right? O.k. His name is Thomas. We've continued to chat online and on Friday we chatted for about 5 hours until 2 a.m. He wanted to call but was too shy and was working up the courage. He was gone Saturday and Sunday helping a friend move. I didn't hear from him by Sunday evening so I texted him to let him know that I was going to bed soon. Then he called me. We talked for about 30 minutes on the phone. He has a nice voice. He liked my voice with my Texas twang. He asked more questions about the annulment process. Then we mostly chit-chatted about general things. I only briefly chatted with him online yesterday as he was really exhausted after his weekend. (Imagine that after staying up until 2 a.m.) Today he called me at lunch time during his break and we talked for about 20 minutes. Then he called again this evening on his way home from work and we talked for about an hour.

I still like him and I'm still interested in him. We're talking about meeting at some point, but it may be September before that happens.

Well, I better head to bed so I'll be somewhat functional for the workshop tomorrow.

Hope yet?

We're still talking. Spent about 5 hours chatting online last night. I told him he could call me but he said he was shy and working up the courage. (He is an introvert like me.) We had a good long conversation last night and I think there's some hope. I won't go into details right now, but things might not be as bleak as they seemed. So we'll see what happens. I'm certainly not giving up. I'd really like to see if something might develop here.

I've been a total bum the last few days. I really need to push myself to get some work done. The most exciting thing I've done today is go get a coke. I was up chatting until 2:30 this morning so I slept in until 9:30 or so. Then I fell asleep again around noon. My dad called and his on his way back from the cruise that he and his new wife were on. I'm going to meet him in Amarillo later this evening so he can sign a check over to me. I received a check for the escrow account that was in his name. But since I've been the one making the payments on the house for the past five years, he's allowing me to keep the money. In return, I'm calling it even on the Maxima. That money should pay for the rest of our NYC trip - which happens in less than a week!

We have tickets to Broadway. The hotel is booked and paid for. I need to reserve a shuttle from the airport. I should starting thinking about what I'm going to pack, but I'll probably do that at the last minute as always.

Well, I'm going to go start some laundry and consider some other work - but won't get my hopes up too high - well at least in terms of getting work done. I still have the other hope.

Still don't know

I still don't know what I'm going to do about the dating situation. I'm still talking to him. I still like him. He still likes me. We are both frustrated and feel helpless. But I game him my phone number. He texted me today. Said he's a grandpa. (His oldest son's wife had a baby.) I'm going to keep talking to him. All my friends (who are not Catholic or are not practicing Catholics) feel that I should pursue the relationship in hopes of finding happiness.

I'm being lazy today and I should really stop. I'm going to fix lunch shortly then attempt to work on websites I've neglected for about a year. I have to prepare for a workshop I'm teaching next week. I have to prepare for our trip to New York (one week from today!) I'm NOT ready for school to start. This summer has been too short. I'm trying to be ready for Josh to leave. He's been sorting, packing, and cleaning his room.

I still love my new car. The gas mileage just keeps getting better. I want to take a trip somewhere in it. (Perhaps Colorado??) I know I'm hopeless. Or maybe I'm just hopeful. Probably a very close line there.

Well, time to eat for me. I'll try to be a more active blogger again.

A Catholic Hurdle

Time to start sharing again. I know it's been a while since I've written anything of substance, but now I have to get this out.

First for my fairly new readers, you should know that I converted to the Catholic faith three years ago. I became a Catholic by choice for various reasons and I do not regret being Catholic. I agree with the teachings of the Church even though I don't like one of them very much right now.

The next thing you should know is that I have not had much luck in dating for several years now. I hate to think it's because I'm Catholic, but it is true that I haven't had a date in four years. I joined eharmony three months ago. I have joined dating sites before without much luck. This time I figured I would try to be more open about my matches and consider those beyond a local radius. I still didn't have a whole lot of luck. I was matched with a guy in Seattle that was nice, but not really a fit for me. I'd get a few responses here and there and then they would just fizzle or they just weren't right for some reason or another.

So about two weeks ago, I get a match from a guy in Colorado who initiates contact with me. We go through the typical stages of eharmony, asking brief questions, sharing must haves/can't stands, then more in depth questions. From there you can make contact and we started emailing each other. Shortly thereafter we started chatting online via messenger. For about a week and half we regularly communicated chatting for several hours each evening. He really seemed to be interested but more than that, I found him intriguing. He was very smart (and could use proper grammar), had a very spiritual nature with good theological knowledge. He found me to be funny and pretty. We talked about deep subjects as well as lighter ones. We have very similar views on relationships. I found myself getting more and more interested in him and liking him very much. He did the same with me. And then during our conversation last night, I brought up the sticky subject of the fact as a Catholic I could only be married to someone that the Church sees as eligible. That means they have to have never been married, are widowed, or could have their original marriage(s) annulled. In talking with him about this, he seemed to feel that his marriage was valid in the eyes of the Church and would not be able to be annulled. Given my Catholic beliefs and acceptance of the Church's teaching on the matter that left us at an impasse. We both like each other very much but realize it would be pointless to pursue something if there's no chance of ever being able to marry. I don't know that even if I chose to pursue this relationship it would work out, but I hate the fact that I can't even give it consideration.

(Note: He is not Catholic but was married for 20+ years until his wife committed adultery and she wanted the divorce.)

So now I'm in a quandry. Do I completely abandon the potential of this relationship and stay true to my faith? (By the way, he respects and admires my dedication to it - even if he doesn't agree with it.) Or do I reconsider the faith in which I chose to participate for the chance of a relationship?

I am just at a loss. Perhaps I should have been more upfront from the get-go in terms of my ability to pursue a relationship with someone with a previous marriage. Though I did bring the topic up fairly early in our conversations, we both were already getting quite interested in each other. It is frustrating because I have had so few opportunities like this. Marty makes a good point in that I should consider whether if staying faithful to the Church is worth living/being alone because that may happen. At my age, the choices are quite limited. Most men at this age have most likely already been married. The handful that haven't been married, one has to wonder why?

I know that in general we are called to married though there are some that are called to live single lives. I just feel so strongly that I'm supposed to be in a relationship. I feel that I have so much to give another person. I feel that I am capable of great love. I feel more happy and secure when I have someone to share my life with. I've written about my frustrations before on my Catholic blog and it's mostly the same though it's been two years and nothing has changed. I'm still very single and very alone.

I know I should be patient. God's timing isn't necessarily my timing, blah, blah, blah. It doesn't make it less frustrating. So if you have thoughts to share on this, please do, but note the following:

If you are going to lecture me and berate me please don't comment. If you have something to say, I appreciate it, but I ask that you stay respectful, even if you respectfully disagree with my choice to become and stay Catholic. So now it is open for discussion.

A few updates

Band camp is over for Josh. My aunt and uncle came to town for a few days last week so I had to deal with company along with the installation of my new heating/air - which is quite lovely I must say! It feels good to be in an air conditioned house and not running the window units. I also have a brand new sewer line which now has the laundry drain tied into it (thankfully). Before it just drained into the yard.

I love my new car. I'm averaging about 43 mpg so far. I finally filled it up for the first time (though it showed I could still go 118 miles). I spent only 18 dollars and had already gone about 400 miles.

Eharmony news: My subscription is up and I did not renew, but I have a few things to report. I met the local guy that had the job interview at my school today. My principal seemed to like him and officially offered him the job this afternoon. We've already talked about carpooling together next year. I still think he's not interested in my romantically, but it would be nice to have a new friend.

I had two other guys that I was emailing back and forth a bit but have not heard from either of them in several days. There is one more guy that lives in Colorado, however, that I've been chatting with most evenings. He seems to really like me and I am certainly interested in him. He is very smart and he thinks I'm funny. I still have concerns (as I always do) but nothing worth noting at this point. Just going to play it out and see how it goes. He lives about 5 1/2 hours away which might be doable. Better than Alaska and Florida at this point.

Then there's another guy locally that I've talked with online for five years now and he has consistently asked me out in that time. He's the one that stood me up on a date a few years back as well as another time. He has experience doing tile work however, and has offered to do the floors in my house for a really good price. I've actually now met him in person - he came over to examine the floors. I told him that I would finally let him take me to dinner some time but only after his divorce is final. I've made it clear, however, that I'm not interested in him romantically. But I guess a dinner will be o.k.

Well, I guess I should get myself busy. I've been a lazy bum for two days so far. I guess taking two days out of my summer break is acceptable. I really haven't had much of a break thus far and it is coming to a close very soon!

Can you read this?

Courtesy of Mago - here's my handwriting sample.

Headed for the poor house...

...with the way I'm spending money. I guess there's so many things I've put off buying that now that I have money I'm spending it all up! Today I went to the eye doctor for the first time in about six years (or longer - I know it's been since I was married). I got new contacts and new glasses. (Picture for your viewing pleasure - notice the new hair cut as well... courtesy of about two weeks.)


I haven't had new glasses in about six years. My vision is still the same (pitifully bad in terms of things afar) but thankfully I'm not in line for bifocals. I have amazing near-sightedness. Then I went to Home Depot and Lowes to start pricing flooring. I've got to figure out how much it will cost to put in new floors. The HVAC guys are coming tomorrow to install the new heating and air. That means if I want to paint the closet where the heating unit will go, then I have to get started on it tonight. Nevermind the fact that I still haven't done my homework for grad school. I think after blogging, I'll head to Sonic and enjoy a cream slush while I read the article that I need to critique. (I get my best work done at Sonic it seems.)

I haven't updated in regards to eharmony in a while. My subscription is up in a few days and I won't renew. I'm conversing with a few guys but nothing major going on there. They all live pretty far away (Pensacola, FL; Anchorage, AK; Corpus Christi, TX; and Burlington, CO - that's the closest at 6 hours). One guy that I was matched with locally I've been talking to via facebook. He's been looking for a teaching job in the science field and it turns out there's an opening at my school. I mentioned it to him last week so he applied and now he has an interview next week. He called to tell me about it yesterday so I talked to him on the phone for the first time. I'm guessing he's not particularly interested in me in terms of dating, but I guess we'll be friends. We might carpool next year if he gets the job.

Well, I'm going to try to get myself a little bit focused and get some work done. I need to choose a paint color asap, but trying to make that mesh with the potential flooring that I haven't decided on is going to be tricky.

A whirlwind trip

Josh and I left Thursday morning at 5:30 a.m. to head to the airport for his freshman orientation trip. We arrived in Houston at 10:00 a.m., got the rental car and headed to Nacogdoches. We arrived by 1:30 and registered. By the time we got into our dorms, it was time for the first session to begin. We were involved in sessions for the rest of the day until bed time. I didn't sleep very well in the dorm. The next we started again by 8:00 but I had to get up early to get Josh's stuff in the car as we would have to make a quick get-away to return to Houston. He didn't get advised until 1:00 and we needed to leave by 1:30 to make it back in plenty of time, by 2:00 to cut it close. Unfortunately everything takes longer than planned and we didn't leave until 2:30 and we had a 6:00 flight. Keep in mind that it typically takes 3 hours from Nac to Houston Hobby airport. Somehow the traffic cooperated and I drove a little fast and we made it to the airport by 5:15. We didn't check bags so we made it to the get in time. Unfortunately there was a delay because the plane that was boarding before ours was behind and our plane couldn't park at the gate until they left. We were supposed to leave by 6:00 but didn't take off until 6:30. That put us landing in Dallas at 7:30 when our connecting flight was supposed to take off. Thankfully they held the plane because there were about 40 people that needed to catch that flight. We got back by 9:00 last night I finally slept well for the first time in several days.

The orientation was o.k. but not a lot of useful information for me. Hopefully Josh got more out of it. At least he got advised and registered for his classes which was the reason for the trip.

Today I get to pick up my car! I'll try to post a picture of it. I've got to take a shower and actually start being productive.

I bought a new car!!!

I don't know if I'm crazy for doing it, but I bought a new Toyota Prius today. I don't actually have it yet. It will come in on Saturday. I didn't think I could get a deal locally, but they gave me the price I wanted to pay. I didn't want all the extras on it so the car they are sending is supposed to not have them added before they ship it out from Houston - however, if they did put the extras on, I'll get them for free as they will honor the price they gave me which was the base MSRP with destination charges. According to edmunds.com that is what most people are paying for hybrids right now. They were able to beat my credit union's rate so I think I got a pretty good deal on that as well. My payments are a little more than I wanted, but I didn't trade in my car. My dad is going buy it back from me so I'll just pay something else off with that money.
So here are my justifications for buying a new car at this time. 1. The air conditioning in my car went out and would cost $500+ to fix, if my brother did the work. 2. The car is 10 years old and is showing signs of wear. I think the air conditioning might just be the tip of the ice berg in terms of repairs. 3. I need a reliable car since I drive 70 miles roundtrip each day. 4. I'd get almost double the gas mileage so I'd save a lot of that money. 5. I haven't had a new, new car in 10 years. 6. I always drive my cars until they fall apart so financing a new car is not an issue for me. I will probably keep it well beyond the payoff date.

So now I'm a new car owner again - well, I will be on Saturday. Oh - and the color of the car is Barcelona Red.

It seems like forever...

since I've posted. I've been such a bad blogger lately. I'm still reading everyone's blogs, but not much posting for myself. So let me update you. The yearbook still isn't finished and I really don't care. I'm taking a break from school stuff right now. Last week I went to a yearbook workshop for three days and then the first of this week was spent in Albuquerque for school planning. Yesterday I was mostly a bum though I was finally able to deposit my check that I got from my dad for the extra house money. I called and got the total for Josh's new clarinet and had a cashier's check cut for $3009. I've booked our airfare and finally the hotel for our trip to New York. I cannot believe we're really going. Now we've got to make a final decision on the show we want to see and the things we want to do. I'm not one to just play it by ear. I'd like to have most of it planned out. We're thinking of going to Six Flags Great Adventure in New Jersey but nothing is set in stone yet. I did get some good advice about shows so we have a list narrowed down. We're staying a little bit away from all the action. Our hotel is in the Tribeca area very close to Soho. But there's two subway stops very close to it so I think we'll be able to manage getting around from place to place. It's very exciting and it will be here before I know it!

Next week Josh and I are going to Nacogdoches for his freshman orientation. It will be a very quick trip flying down to Houston Thursday morning, then driving to Nacodgoches and staying there until Friday afternoon, driving back and flying home that evening. It will be a whirlwind trip! Soon after I'll be going to see the new Harry Potter movie.

I made a couple of calls regarding the heating and air replacement and have one estimate scheduled. It can't happen soon enough.

New York It Is

I think it's hands down that the recommendations are for going to New York. I've been doing research (of course) and I think it would be a great trip for us. Here's the plan so far assuming prices etc. hold until I can book the flights and reserve the hotel. If you have additional advice, I'd certainly love to hear it.

We'll be leaving on Sunday, July 26 from ABQ via Southwest. I can get flights for $375 right now and they don't charge for luggage. Other airlines cost $450 or more right now plus the cost for luggage. We'll take a shuttle to downtown for around $10. It will take forever but I think it will be easier than taking luggage on the subway and cheaper than a cab. I'm probably going to choose the Hampton Inn near the Empire state building which I can get pre-paid for $152 a night. Breakfast and wireless is included which helps with the cost. We'll definitely see a Broadway show but we're debating first which show and if we want to pay full price now to guarantee good seats for a show we want to see or if we want to take a chance on half-price tickets the day of. We'll probably do the other touristy things like go to the Empire State Building, Statue of Liberty, Ground Zero, Rockefeller Center, one of the art museums, Brooklyn Bridge, Central Park, and probably some shopping. We'll have four full days there as we'll arrive on Sunday and leave on Friday.

We'll get a metro pass for a week so we can use the subway but we know a lot of walking will be involved. So what advice do you have for me? Do you have Broadway Show recommendations?

Travel Dilemma

Josh and I are thinking about taking a vacation this summer. We'd like to do something fairly grand that we've never done before. With money from the house, plus my bonus money this year, plus some other income coming in, we could afford to spend about $2500 on a nice trip. So right now I have two ideas in mind.

1. Go to Orlando and do a theme park trip visiting Busch Gardens, Islands of Adventure, Universal Studios, Sea World, and maybe Disney. Josh is finally where he does like coasters and I certainly would have a blast. Concerns: Expense of parking at each park, getting a decent hotel, and potential weather disruption (during hurricane season).

2. Go to New York City. This would be a typical NYC trip with all the touristy things. See a Broadway show, visit Times Square, Empire State Building, the Met etc. Concerns: Cost of a decent hotel and navigating subway system. Also concerned about relative safety of visiting.

3. Might consider some place else based on my reader recommendations.

We originally were going to consider going on a cruise with my dad and brother and their respective wives/girlfriends. When I looked into it, however, the travel down there on their selected date would be tight because of Josh's last band camp concert and the cost to get a passport would increase the overall cost quite a bit especially to have it expedited in a month. Also not sure how much Josh would really enjoy the trip.

So my 4 or 5 readers - what would you suggest or recommend? Do you have any advice for visiting either place? Do you have other suggestions for a teenage boy and a 39 year old woman. Keep in mind we are not the outdoorsy, camping type. We like to see artsy stuff, historical things, or fun things like theme parks.
I've already been to Magic Mountain and Cedar Point among a few other parks so I'd rather go someplace I've never been.