2008 Year in Review Meme

O.k. I've done this one before but it's interesting to see how things change. You can read the 2007, 2005, and 2004 versions if you're interested. I didn't do it in 2006 but briefly posted. Here's the 2008 Year in Review. Feel free to do this on your blog as well.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?

Took the GRE, filled out my FAFSA, applied to Graduate School, took out student loans and completed my first two graduate school classes.

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I didn’t make any resolutions since I know myself and that I won’t keep them. I haven’t given a lot of thought to resolutions for this year.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

My brother’s girlfriend had their second child in February.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

Thankfully, no.

5. What countries did you visit?

Countries? Yeah, right. I did go to Vegas though.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A marriage proposal. No, really, I don’t know… I would just like more time I guess. More love. More friends.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

July 5, 2008 – High school reunion banquet when I realized that Marty still had feelings though he had yet to admit them. Nov. 17 when Marty and I officially started dating again.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

Getting into grad school and making A’s in both my classes. The work I did for my 20 year class reunion.

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not being able to say no when I should have. My lacking prayer life.

10. What was the best thing you bought?

Plane ticket to see Marty. A new mp3 player to replace my old one.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?

Josh had a great year making all-state band for the 3^rd time, qualifying for TFA state and NFL nationals in speech. I think I was pretty good this year as well.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?

Nobody that I can think of.

13. What song will always remind you of 2008?

I would have to say the songs that I chose for the reunion video: Forever Young, Only the Young, Time After Time, and Friends. But I also have to think about the new groups that I’ve found in my recent music acquisitions.

14. What do you wish you'd done more of?

Reading for pleasure, cleaning my house, and “fun” things.

15. What do you wish you'd done less of?

Worrying over things in which I have no control.

16. Did you fall in love in 2008?

That’s hard to answer. I reignited love so to speak. I fell for Marty all over again after the reunion this summer. Although I can’t say that I every really stopped loving him, I put it on hold for three years. It’s still a long journey and we’re not where we were at one time, but I continue to have hope despite his reservations as well as mine. Call me a glutton for punishment.

17. What was your favorite TV program?

Monk, Psych, Heroes.

18. What was the best book you read?

I actually read a lot of great books this year, but they’re all children’s or youth books. But some of my favorites were: The Giver, Hope Was Here, Skippyjohn Jones, The Invention of Hugo Cabret are just a few. I also read The Twilight series in the last few days which I also enjoyed. It was a good year for reading but most of it was required.

19. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?

Less classes to teach, more time, really being able to get inside Marty’s head and not feeling like I have to continue to tip-toe around him for fear of him running.

20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

What fashion? That about sums it up.

21. What kept you sane?

Church. Faith, hope, and love. I can’t give a better answer than that… though I admit that sanity was touch and go for a while.

22. Who did you miss?

Marty. High school friends that I hadn’t seen and were suddenly reunited with.

23. Who was the best new person you met?

My new assistant speech coach that has been a great asset to me this year. I feel more comfortable pursuing my library career since I have someone that can take over for me that I know will continue to do a great job.

24. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2008.

LEARN TO SAY NO!

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

I’m not going to just give you a brief lyric – I think this song sums things up pretty well for me. I try not to live with much regret and I feel that everything that I have to deal with and go through has a reason. As long as I learn from mistakes then that’s a good thing.

Lessons Learned by Carrie Underwood

There's some things that I regret,
Some words I wish had gone unsaid,
Some starts,
That had some better endings,
Been some bad times I've been through,
Damage I cannot undo.
Some things,
I wish I could do all all over again,
But it don't really matter,
When life gets that much harder,
It makes you that much stronger,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

There's mistakes that I have made,
Some chances I just threw away,
Some roads,
I never should have taken,
Been some signs I didn't see,
Hearts that I hurt needlessly,
Some wounds,
That I wish I could have one more chance to mend,
But it don't make no difference,
The past can't be rewritten,
You get the life you're given,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were,
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
And everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
Every change, life has thrown me,
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned.

And all the things that break you,
Are the things that make you strong!
You can't change the past,
Cause it's gone.
And you just gotta move on,
Because it's all
Lessons learned.

And every tear that had to fall from my eyes,
From everyday I wondered how I'd get through the night,
From every change, life has thrown me.
I'm thankful, for every break in my heart,
I'm grateful, for every scar,
Some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Oh, some pages turned,
Some bridges burned,
But there were lessons learned,
Lessons learned.
Lessons learned.

Time for Memes

The next two days will be meme days. Here's the first:

From Mama Llama

a. Four places I go over and over again:

1) School - It's my job.
2) Saint Ann's Catholic Church - at least weekly
3) Walmart - I never spend less than $60 when I go.
4) Taco Villa - at least during any trip to Amarillo

Four people who mail me regularly:
I'm going to have to go with e-mail on this... only mail I get is bills.

1) Pam - My long time friend
2) Ann Shofner - Speech coach in the area
3) My principal - we get weekly email updates
4) Dr. Garner - band director of the community band. He is sending us music over the break in hopes that we will practice.

Four of my favorite places to eat, (apart from home):

1) Taco Villa - my favorite fast food restaurant.
2) Olive Garden - I still like their Fettucine Alfredo the best
3) Abuelo's - Mexican food restaurant in Amarillo (since El Chico's closed)
4) Outback - what can I say... food is always good with very few exceptions.

Four places I'd rather be now.

1) Key West, FL with Marty
2) Busch Gardens in Tampa or other theme park in Florida
3) Sitting in my chair with my house CLEAN
4) Someplace where I don't have to think about the unpleasant things I have to get accomplished in a short amount of time.

Four favorite TV shows:
I haven't watched much t.v. lately but will do my best.

1) Monk
2) Psych
3) Friends
4) Columbo

Four movies I would watch over and over again.

1) Titanic
2) The Shawshank Redemption
3) Love Actually
4) As Good as it Gets

Four people I would like to tag:
I'm going to cheat and put everyone that I read regularly or hopefully reads my blog.

1) Summer
2) Terri
3) Leann
4) Andrew, Mago, Cheryl, Susan, Patrick/Tiffany, Pipe Tobacco, Abbagirl, Cin and anyone else on my blog roll or those that stop by here.

Enjoy!

And so it continues

I accomplished very little today. I went to church and played my clarinet at Mass. I stopped to get a coke and then came home. I fixed lunch, called Marty and talked to him briefly. He is getting sick with perhaps the flu and didn't feel well. I spent the rest of the afternoon watching t.v., listening to music, downloading more music, and that's about it. I made dinner around 6:30 and have been doing the music thing since then. I chatted with Marty online a little more tonight. Tomorrow I have to get in gear and start getting things done. I'm going to clean tomorrow and then go to school on Tuesday. I have to create our yearbook cover by January 1. I haven't even started, but know what I'm going to do. The problem is that it requires a lot of pictures, which we have, but I couldn't get them downloaded before I left for the break. I'm going to go up on Tuesday and hopefully get that accomplished so I can get busy. I also have papers to grade and plans to make for the upcoming tournament and Koobraey awards. If I make it to the end of January, I'll be amazed. But one bright spot will be the fact that I'll get to see Marty briefly on the 16th & 17th.

Being Lazy

I feel a little guilty about being totally lazy today... but not a lot. I know things will get out of control busy very shortly so I'm going to soak it up while I can. I still have a to-do list that is a million miles long, but I'll get to it when I feel like it. I'd like to get the house clean this weekend but I'm obviously not moving too fast. I have spent the morning in my bed with my laptop on my lap downloading music to my mp3 player. I'm finally coming out of the 80's and putting some stuff from this century (this year, even) on my player. I know... it's a shock. But I figure I should expand my horizons a little.

Now I'm bored

It's not that I don't have a million things I could be doing right now. I just don't really want to clean right now. Things seem to be a little better with Marty. We watched a movie together last night. No, I wasn't in Florida, but we watched the same movie and chatted online. Maybe it's a little cheesy but I enjoyed the attempt to feel a little closer to him. I'm going to try to go visit again during spring break. I'd also like to spend some time with him this summer. It will depend on what class(es) I might take during the summer. I may not take any depending on if I have students that go to Nationals.

Christmas was mostly just another day for me. I went to church because I played again and then came home and put some cinnamon rolls in the oven. Josh was up so we opened presents. I got a $50 Amazon gift certificate from my brother, $50, a crucifix necklace and slippers from my aunt, some bath & body stuff, socks and a Hastings gift card from my friend Kirsten. I spent the rest of the day reading the last Twilight series book and then made the steak dinner for Josh and me.

Today I went to the pet store to get stuff for my dogs. They have ear and skin problems so I gave Max and Roo baths. I also trimmed Max's hair. That was an ordeal. Then I made some dinner and have just watched t.v. this evening. I played one game of rollercoaster tycoon. There's nothing interesting on tv right now. I guess I could do more reading but I don't feel up for that either.

Well, that's all the excitement going on here. I may just go to bed early and start tackling the house again tomorrow.

Merry Christmas to All!

No, I'm not going to be politically correct and wish you a Happy Holidays or Season's Best. Regardless of your personal beliefs, I want to wish you all Merry Christmas. May you remember the reason for the season and have a wonderful day tomorrow. I hope you are celebrating with friends and family. If not, I hope that you find contentment and peace wherever you may be.
Josh and I are getting ready to head to Mass for the Christmas Eve service which I'm sure will be extraordinary. I feel very blessed to have found my home in the Catholic Church and to celebrate the birth of Christ once again!
I am thankful for the many blessings this year. For my friends and family. For my job, for the opportunity to pursue my master's degree, and for Marty being a part of my life again.
Thank you all for reading my blog despite my lack of posts here and comments to yours. I will try to be a better blogger during the break - at least until I find myself overwhelmed once again. But it's a good kind of busy.

Once again... Merry Christmas!

Cleaning break

It seems like forever since I've posted anything about cleaning. Oh... that's right... I haven't cleaned in forever. I procrastinated as much as I could this morning, but I finally got started by soaking the dishes and cleaning the kitchen. I was awake at 5:45 for whatever reason but forced myself to stay in bed this morning. I should have gotten up earlier than I did, but it's my vacation so I can do what I want. Yesterday I read the third book in the Twilight series. Just one more to go but I'm going to hold off on reading it until I get some work done around here. I spent a lot of time yesterday uploading music to my new player and this morning I created a few playlists. I have a "working" list that is full of upbeat music to keep me moving. That's what I'm listening to right now. I also have my "melancholy," "romantic," and "hopeful" music. I could create a multitude of lists because right now I have about 600 songs on the player. I even have a handful from this decade including (dare I say it) one hip-hop song. I never thought the day would come that I would actually have such "music" on my player. But I am really happy to have a player again. I have missed it very much. I just need to get better earphones for it.
I keep worrying that Marty is going to start reading my blog again. He hasn't it read it in almost a month but I said I would try to not write as much about him. But it's my blog and I guess I can do what I want. It's my way to vent, share, talk, whatever. I have really held myself back for fear that he might read and I haven't really talked about the many things on my mind. It's nothing that I'm getting totally worked up about, but I have my concerns. I may need to go back to my paper journal and start writing there.
I guess I need to get a tree up today if I'm going to do it. I'm still debating about a smaller tree just to make it easier. I have to go to the store later to get milk and some grocery items. I guess I'll decide then. I need to wrap a couple more gifts for Josh and then I'll be good to go. I should probably get a couple of stocking stuffers for him. I guess if I want my stocking filled, I'll have to do it myself. I did get a present from my aunt so I'll have something to open Christmas morning. I suppose my brother and sister have something for me, but I don't know when I'll see them. My dad said he would do Christmas for Josh and me when he comes to visit in January. I have no idea about Marty. I guess my gift from him will be his trip to Orlando - if he really decides to come. I really hope he does. The last I talked to him he said that was the plan... but it would be foolish for me to hold my breath in that regard.
I don't mean to sound pessimistic right now. I still have hope, but I still have that intuitive feeling that something is yet again amiss and unless things change, it will still be there for a while. Well, enough about all this.. I gotta get back to cleaning.

I guess I spent too much

I went out shopping on Saturday after I slept off the effects of the lock-in. I guess that I used my debit card too many times because my card was declined when Josh and I went to dinner. I thought well, it was just a freak thing and then it was declined on Sunday morning for a $4.00 charge at a convenience store. I was not a happy camper about that. I used another card that I don't like using but when you don't carry cash or checks these days, it's good to have back-up I guess. So I went to my bank this morning and found out that I had a limit of using my card 10 times in a 24 hour period. So I had them change the limit just in case I needed to go on another shopping spree. I'm done with my shopping though. It was easy this year since we're not going to Albuquerque. The only people I actually bought gifts for was Josh, Marty, and my brother's kids. Everyone else is getting a gift card.
Yesterday I went to church and played. I came home and pretty much acted like a lazy bum. I napped and read most of the day. I did more research on the mp3 players and finally made a decision. I couldn't go get it yesterday though because of the issue with my card.
I got up early to go to the bank but found out it didn't open until 9:30. So I went to Walmart and picked up a few necessities and then back to the bank. After the card issue was cleared, I went to Amarillo so I could go to Best Buy. I finally decided on the little Sony Walkman 8GB player. It's about the same size as my old player, but it's thinner, lighter and has twice the memory. I read too many negative reviews of the Sansa players that I didn't want to risk another one. It was also on sale which was a plus. I got it for $99 and paid an extra $11 for the 2 year warranty. I'm transferring music to it right now. I lost all my play lists and subscription music when my other player stopped working so I'm having to try to find all those songs that I downloaded once before. I still have all my other music from my hard drive that are from my CD's. I'm currently transferring 539 tracks to it. I'll be so happy to have a player to listen to in the car again. I've missed it a great deal.
Well, I think it's time for a nap. I haven't started cleaning but will probably start this evening. I have to clean the kitchen to make dinner. Still haven't put up my tree. Thinking of just getting a smaller tree and just putting on a few ornaments. It's not that I'm not in the Christmas spirit... it's just such a pain.

So this is my break

I'm still waiting for it to start. You'd think that now that school is out that things would slow down, but they haven't. Last night was the lock-in for my speech team. We had 20 kids show up. I stayed up all night unlike most of my students. I had a very large mountain dew and a couple of cokes during the night which kept me going. It was touch and go for a while but I managed to stay awake by playing scrabble and rollercoaster tycoon. The kids seemed to have a good time and they were all on their way by 7:15 this morning. I drove back to Canyon somewhat bleary-eyed, but made it home safely. I went straight to bed and slept until about 1:00. I took a shower, got dressed and headed to town to do some shopping. I got some gifts for Josh and I bought myself a new pair of shoes and two shirts. I also went to the movies and saw "Twilight." It was nice to just get out and enjoy myself. I wish I could do it more often and I know I should - but I still feel guilty about such excursions. I am still searching for a new mp3 player and I still can't make up my mind. The one that I wanted was not in stock so now I have to rethink my choice. So I'm still without a player.
I could tell that the economy has had some effect this year but the crowds were still present for the most part. I was surprised to find parking at Best Buy though.
After the movie, Josh met me in Amarillo for a late supper at Applebee's. I picked up gift cards for my family since we're not going to Albuquerque this year and I have to mail them. I also need to mail some stuff to Marty. I'll get that done on Monday.
Marty and I are still doing o.k. I still have that sense of a barrier but that's nothing new. I'm just dealing and trying not to think about it too much. I'm to the point that if it works out, that's great. If not, I'll still survive. I can't make others love me no matter how much I may love them. Marty will get there or he won't. I just have to accept the way things are right now and appreciate the fact that he's at least taken a small step towards a possible future by opening up to dating again.
Well, I'm going to head to bed. I'm ready for a good night's sleep.

Christmas Meme

Borrowed from Terri. Now that I can post again, I have to catch up.

1. What was the best present you've ever received?

As a child, it would have to be my jam box. (Large radio with cassette player) It had a strap so that I could carry it on my shoulder and I played it constantly and took it everywhere. I have always loved having music around.

As an adult, it would be the emerald earrings that Marty gave me the first time he said he loved me when we dated four years ago. It wasn't a Christmas gift, but it was very special because it was an amazing moment in my life. I still wear them and think of him every time I do. I hope he'll get back to that point soon.

2. What was the worst?

For Christmas - a jacket my sister made me that was made out of faux blue leather and funky plaid material that was way too large for me.

In general - when my ex-husband gave me a book of cool ideas to make sex "interesting" for Valentine's day. I thought it was a very selfish gift and I never used it.

3. What is something you really want this year for yourself?

A new mp3 player. And a plane ticket to Florida.

4. What is something you really want this year for someone else?

I want Marty to have a 52 inch flat screen t.v. I want Josh to have a new clarinet.

5. What's your favorite Christmas memory?

I can't pick a single event but my favorites are those times with my family where we would all be together and have a mound of presents under the tree. We would hand each other the gifts and just enjoy the morning. My mom would always make home-made cinnamon rolls and a large Christmas dinner. The family has diminished over the years. Usually we go visit my aunt and later my sister, but we're never all together any more. This year Josh and I are choosing to stay home and it will just be us. I'm making cinnamon rolls in the morning (but not home-made) and we'll have steaks for dinner. Who knows... this year could be my favorite.

A close second is the year that I got to spend with Marty. I think he came a few days after Christmas, but that is the year I bought him his digital camera and he was mad at me for spending so much money on him.

So in other news...

I took my kids to the tournament in Dallas this weekend. Surprisingly, they did ok. I had one that placed 2nd in Humorous and a team that placed 6th in duet. Two others broke to semi-finals in extemporaneous speaking. Given that they were competing against students from 48 other schools, I thought it was a success for them. On Friday night I took them to the Magic Time Machine and they had a blast. After the tournament on Saturday, we went to PF Chang's. It was ok but not as good as the last time I went. We didn't get finished until fairly late, but headed back to the hotel around 11:15. After exiting off the highway and waiting to turn on to Belt Line Road, I was rear-ended by the coach that was following me. Thankfully I was in a school vehicle which was an Expedition. It didn't suffer much damage other than some scrapes. The other car, however, was pretty much totaled with the hood bent up and the fender bent into the tire. The radiator was gushing and smoke was coming out of the engine. She was able to move it into a bank parking lot at the corner. A police officer showed up and took the report. I had to call my assistant superintendent because the transportation director didn't answer when I called him. Everyone was ok but it was a late night. The next day was a long day because we took the other coach and her student home since her car was stranded in Dallas. That meant we had to go through Lubbock on the way home which added an hour and a half to the drive. I hated missing church this weekend, but it was unavoidable.

Yesterday was a typical school day but I had a band concert last night. The concert went ok except I couldn't hear very well and I know I couldn't get in tune. But at least it's over and I'm about ready to have a real break. Once I get through the lock-in this weekend I'll probably sleep for about the first week. I haven't decided if I'm going to put my try up this weekend or not. I need to get Marty's Christmas present mailed to him soon.

Well, I think I'm going to do something I haven't done in a very long time. I'm going to go watch t.v., read a book, relax, and go to bed early.

An Impasse

First I must apologize to Marty if for some strange reason he goes on a whim and reads my blog today. So if that's the case... stop reading Marty. I mean it. No, it's nothing bad, but I have to write about it. So just close the web page and go back to playing WOW.

Ok. Now that is out of the way here's the deal. We've been skirting some of our relationship issues as usual not really talking about them but we have lots of conversations filled with maybes, innuendos, and subject changing when it gets uncomfortable. And all that's fine except for the fact that it drives me a little crazy. But I just deal and go on and figure that things will work out if they're supposed or not. I have come to realize that I can't change things and I'll take what I can get right now.

So last night the issue of me moving to Florida came up again and I again reiterated my condition of being married for that to happen. Marty finally 'fessed up to the fact that yes, he very much wants me to come down there but he's not ready for that kind of commitment. He wants me to come down there for a year without getting married. I told him that I was sorry but I couldn't do that. And thus the impasse.

If four years ago he would have asked me to do that and Josh would have been graduating at that time, I probably would have done it in a heartbeat and given no thought to it. But a lot has changed for me in that time and it's not something I can do. I cannot give up everything I have here - home, job, family, friends for a "maybe" situation that "might" end in marriage. Most of all, I cannot give up my faith which is what I would have to do for a year. I know I could still go to church, but I could not participate in communion given the living situation. I could not make enough money to just go down there and live on my own and still "date." On the other hand, if he were willing to get married, I would certainly give it all up (aside from my faith) to be with him.

I am ok with the fact that he's not ready for marriage. I understand it. I don't want him to feel an obligation or pressure to do something he's no ready for. Sure, I'm disappointed because I'm in a different place than he is, but that's still ok. But now I worry that there's something bigger there or something has once again changed for him. I know the distance is still a very big deal for him. It is for me too, but I'm willing to accept it and wait as needed. But I'm sensing something different in him the last few times I've talked to him. I think perhaps he needs a little space so I'm going to give it to him.

I very much want this relationship to work out. I think he does too, but I also feel that there's a hurdle he needs to jump and he's just not ready for it. I just wish I knew what that hurdle was and if there's any way I can help him with it. I hate being in the dark. But I realize that there are just some things that people must do on their own and it's really all out of my control. Tough luck for us control freaks.

So for now I hope we continue talking and visit when we can and some day get past the impasse.

Finished!!!

I'm finally finished with my grad school classes for the semester!!!!!!!!! I am so relieved to be done. It wasn't really hard... just time consuming. I made a 98.88 in my children's lit class. I don't have my final grade for my other class. Probably won't get it until Monday. I'm fairly certain I'll make an "A" in that class as well. Unless I did something very wrong on my last paper I should be good.
I actually cooked tonight and made pizza. It was quite yummy. Now I have to leave and head to choir rehearsal.
I'm starting to get ready for the speech tournament coming up next month. I also have to prepare for the Koobraey (Yearbook) awards as well. I ordered trophies for the tournament today. I need to order other items for the awards soon. Friday I'm taking a small group of students to Dallas for a speech tournament down there. I think it will be a fun trip.
My students met their fundraising goal so now they're going to get a lock-in if the principal approves it. It will be next Friday evening. I still haven't done any Christmas shopping and I'm thinking about not doing it at all really. I just don't know at this point. I'd like to get my tree up but it won't happen this weekend.
Well, I gotta run but maybe now I can post more regularly - at least until January.

Close to the finish line

I wrote my last paper last night. It's not totally finished; I'll do some editing tonight and tomorrow and submit it before tomorrow's midnight deadline. It wasn't that difficult to write so I hope I did it correctly. Most of it was copying and pasting bits and pieces from previous materials. I have two more brief assignments to complete and then I'll be finished. I have to get everything done before Friday, but my goal is to have it all done by tomorrow evening.
Tonight I have to go to Church as it is a Holy Day of Obligation. Immediately afterwards I have to go to band rehearsal. I won't get home until after 9:00 and I'll either go to bed or do a little work on my paper. Tomorrow will spent working on the paper and then Wednesday I have choir rehearsal. Thursday will be a free evening of sorts except for packing for the trip to Dallas. I may even get my assistant to do some of the driving and I'll read a book. I wish I had my mp3 player for the trip.
I talked to Marty on the way home today, but he's having a bad day. I hope he feels better tomorrow. I did find out that I got approval on my absence request for January so I'll be able to go to the shot show and hopefully see Marty at least one day while I'm there.

Time for an update

1. I am feeling better. I am making up for all the eating I couldn't do over Thanksgiving. I sure did enjoy the Sonic cheesecake bites I had this evening.
2. I will almost certainly make an "A" in both of my grad school classes. I have received 15 out of 15 points on all of my major papers written for my Information Resources class. I have made nothing less than a 95 in my Children's lit class and most of the grades are 100's.
3. Grad school for this semester is almost done. I have to post three journal responses for Children's lit by Thursday. I have one more major project due in the Information Resources class and I've started gathering information. I have two other small assignments to complete and then I'll be done.
4. I will probably go to the Shot Show in January and will hopefully see Marty but only briefly.
5. Marty and I are still doing fine. He is still very hot and cold on the total commitment issue and I'm just letting him deal with whatever he needs to deal with. I'm trying to focus on just today but it would be a heck of a lot easier if I knew what my plans for next year might be.
6. I think Josh and I might just stay here for Christmas. I think I might cook a turkey since I didn't get my traditional dinner on Thanksgiving.
7. The spring is looking very busy and I might very well go insane but am trying not to get ahead of myself.
8. Google calendar is saving my life right now. I have all my "home" pages set on iGoogle with the calendar at the top and it reminds of what I am supposed to be doing.
9. I should be working on yearbook designs but I think I'm going to rebel and read something frivolous and go to bed early tonight. Shhhh... don't tell anyone.
10. I'm taking 4 of my students to a tournament in Dallas next weekend. What am I thinking? We're going to go to the Magic Time Machine.

I've had better Thanksgivings

It's not to say I'm not thankful. I have many thanks for many things most of which I'm sure I totally do not deserve. But spending Thanksgiving sick with something stomachy and intestinally is not my idea of fun. We went to eat at Golden Corral for Thanksgiving and usually that place is wonderful for me. I love sampling lots of different things. This year I had a few bits of corn, potatoes, salad and about four bites of chicken before declaring I couldn't eat any more. The issues have continued all weekend sometimes worse, sometimes better, but not really changed. I'll spare you the gory details about my bodily functions but suffice to say that if it continues through the weekend, I'm going to the doctor on Monday to get to the bottom of all this. I've lost 3 to 4 pounds in the last few days. That I don't mind so much, but the dehydration and lack of appetite is annoying. Yes, I'm drinking lots of fluids so I'm still o.k. but I would still like to be functioning somewhat normally again.
I just sent Josh out to buy himself some dinner and to pick me up some soup. I'm already in pajamas and took a two hour nap when I got home. I'm sitting in bed with my laptop on my lap and I was thinking about actually watching t.v. I did last night and it was fascinating. (Surely you realize that I have not watched much t.v. since the beginning of school.) It almost feels taboo to watch it. I had high hopes of cleaning the house this weekend and (gasp!) put up my Christmas tree. Josh and I are thinking of staying put this Christmas. We're playing/singing at Christmas eve Mass and we don't really want to drive over to Albuquerque afterwards. Usually the weather is an issue with snowy/icy roads and if that's the case this year, we're not going to attempt it. My sister will be out of town and who knows where my dad will be. We just saw my aunt & uncle so I think we can wait a while. It might be weird for just us to be here but I think it might be kind of nice too. I thought about trying to go see Marty again, but I can't afford it right now. Unless he's coming this way to visit his parents in Albuquerque (which is doubtful) then we'll just have a quiet Christmas here. My friend Kirsten and I will probably spend New Year's together like we have for the past 20 years or so.
We did go shopping on Friday against our better judgment. Kohl's was the worst with checkout lines extending all the way to the back of the store. We didn't go to too many places. We had lunch at Chili's and visited with my supper, then also went to Border's, and Sears so that my aunt could get a new washer and dyer.
We headed back today and now I'm waiting for my soup to heat up so I can try to get a little more food down today. I'm supposed to play tomorrow at church. I hope my issues are resolved or at least on hold then.

A Small Break

Grad School work is done for the moment. Last night I finished my government investigation paper despite my total reluctance to get it done. I also submitted my book talk on Monday and my journals last Friday. The only things left that must be done are one more major paper due Dec. 9, journal responses due next week, and two small assignments due by Dec. 12. After that I will be free from Grad school stuff until January 20. I should make an "A" in my Children's Lit class. As for the Information Resources class... I have no idea at this point since my last three papers submitted have not been graded. That is very frustrating. I think I have a chance of doing well... but again, I really have no idea.
As far as regular school (job) stuff... I'm still perpetually behind. But I'm not going to worry too much about it right now. Things will get done when they get done. This week I'm going to read books that have nothing to do with any of my classes. Josh and I will be heading to Albuquerque sometime this afternoon. I need to get the house somewhat clean before I go, but I'm having motivational issues right now. I did get laundry started so that's a good start.
There's nothing new to report about Marty. Nothing much has changed since we made the relationship "official." We still pretty much talk almost daily either by phone or instant messaging. I know he still has concerns but I'm just going to give him the space and time he needs to work through them. I don't know when I'll see him again. Logically, he should be the one to make the next visit, but don't know if/when that will happen. I may see him again in January if I get to go to Orlando for the shot show.
Well, I better get moving and ready to go to Albuquerque. Hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving.

Bummed

My mp3 player broke a couple of weeks ago and I'm really bummed about it. I LOVED my player. I would play it in my car to and from work and I especially liked having it at Christmas time so I could play all my favorite songs without listening to the cheesy stuff on the radio. I used a subscription service for my music because I liked having the ability to download and listen to as many songs as I wanted to. I could try stuff out and see if I liked certain kinds of music and I only paid about $15 a month. I had 100's of songs on my player. Now I have nothing. And now I don't know what to do about getting another one. I'm checking out iPods but I don't like the idea of having pay .99 every time I want a song. That could easily add up and would certainly be more than the $15 a month I'm spending now. Then there's the cost issue... I cannot afford a full blown top of the line player right now. I also know that I need about 4GB of storage. I could get a refurbished player like the one I had but I worry about it having the same problem my old one does and then being out of luck again. I guess I could just ask for money for Christmas from my aunt and then use it to buy one.... but I want one now is my problem. I could upgrade my phone and get one that doubles as a player, but that means I have to switch music services. It also limits me in the amount of music I can store on it as most are only "upgradable" to 2GB. Too many things to think about and no resolution.

It's good to sleep in

And I mean really sleep in. After an actual full night's sleep and then some. I cannot remember the last time I enjoyed sleeping in with nothing that I had to specifically get up for. Oh sure, I did sleep in a little bit while on vacation, but the relationship dynamics made things somewhat different and I still got up fairly early most mornings. For once I feel somewhat refreshed.

I finished my journals last night and submitted them in time with an hour an ten minutes to spare. I probably could have continued to edit them, but I finally decided to just let it go and quit worrying about it. Again, probably not my best work, but we'll see what happens in terms of my grade. I have a high enough average right now that I don't think it would bring it down too much if I didn't make a 100. I am going to head out to Sonic shortly so that I can work on my book talk. I still need to read another book and then plan what I'm going to say, do, read etc. for the talk. That assignment is due on Monday. I also have to work on my government investigation paper this weekend of which I have done almost nothing. I have done some research, printed out materials, talked to my librarian and emailed our superintendent but haven't really focused on the assignment itself. I still haven't fully read aspects of the patriot act that I need to know. I think I won't be going to band on Monday unless by some miracle I finish the paper on Sunday.

Josh is gone to a speech tournament this weekend. I'm sure you're wondering why I'm not at one myself. Well this particular tournament is out of town and fairly expensive for us and my students would rather go to one in Dallas in a few weeks. They have to raise the money for it, however, and they have until after Thanksgiving to turn the money in. So we'll see what happens.

Well, I need to get going to Sonic and get my final book read. Just know that my coursework is almost over and I'll try to blog more regularly soon.

I'm procrastinating

I should be working on my journals right now. Instead, I'm finishing dinner (Taco Villa) and writing this blog. I still don't have any details to share on the trip. There's not much more to say. We had a nice time and some good talks and although we're still moving slowly (much to my chagrin) we're at least moving. I have pictures I'll try to post this weekend if I find the time. This is hell week for me in terms of grad school. Missing two days is taking it's toll. I have nine journals due tomorrow and I wrote three of them last night. Tonight I'm going to try to write the three most difficult ones and finish the rest tomorrow. This weekend I have to prepare for my book talk on Monday (which is also due on Monday) as well as get some heavy work done on a government investigation paper that is due Tuesday. After that I should be able to enjoy my Thanksgiving. We are going to Albuquerque leaving on Wednesday and returning on Saturday.
School was not fun today. I had to get on to students. I gave a pop quiz in 4th period because I was so mad. After school I had to go to the bank to deposit Josh's SSI checks which are no longer being direct deposited which is a pain. Then Josh and I went to Amarillo so I could get some ink for my printer and one last book that I needed to read. Now I've got to get started on my school work but I thought I'd at least post a little something since it's been a while.

A status change

I have an official boyfriend now.  O.k. I know what you're thinking... "Didn't you already have a boyfriend... I mean you flew out to Florida to see this guy..."  or something like that.  Actually our status has been "not quite dating, but interested, and let's see where it goes, but not ready to commit..." or something like that.  I've been calling him my "not quite boyfriend" ever since he left this summer.  

But we talked last night.  Not as I had intended but it was kind of an emotional situation where I couldn't find the words to explain what was going through my head.  Can you imagine that?  Me without words to say?  

There's a lot going on in Marty's head right now and for him to tell me that I could call him my boyfriend now is a huge step indeed.  The distance is still an issue, but he's going to stop using it as an excuse like he has been doing for the last four years.  There are still many other issues that we have to get through, many which frighten the hell out of me. 

I don't know if this made a difference for Marty last night but it has made a difference for me for some time.  In one of my priest's homilies he talks about love stating that it's not really a "feeling."  He says that love is ultimately a decision.  It's a choice one makes.  People get caught up in the emotions but love really comes down to just making a decision to love another and then doing what it takes to bring happiness to them.  Although there wasn't really much of a homily at yesterday's service, the deacon did make a statement that also hit home for me when he talked about love involving risk.  

I made a choice a long time ago to love Marty in spite of my best efforts to avoid it.  Although I had to put it on hold for a long time, I never really stopped loving him.  Am I taking a huge risk once again?  Absolutely.  Is he going to make the decision to love me?  I don't know, but he took a huge step last night so at least there's a chance.  Are we there yet?  No, but at least the hope is there.  And now I have a boyfriend.  

Outta Here!

Today's the day! My flight leaves at 5:24 p.m. and I arrive in Miami at 11:15 p.m. I can't tell you how anxious I am. I don't know if I'm more excited about just getting away or about seeing Marty. O.k. it's probably more about Marty. Well, I gotta get to school early and get a million things done before leaving. There's just not ever going to be enough time it seems.
Don't know if I'll blog while I'm done there. Can't give you too many details but will try to throw you a few bones.

Another year

Josh and I celebrated another birthday. Today wasn't really much of a celebration but it wasn't too bad for a birthday. Josh and I went to dinner last Friday. We have a tradition of going out to eat somewhere each year. The last few years it has been at the Olive Garden and it was no exception this year. Saturday we had another speech tournament. My team won first place sweepstakes for the third time in a row so far this year. On Sunday I played at church at the 8:30 Mass and thought I played horribly. I had reed issues and just couldn't get it together. Oh well, hopefully it wasn't too noticeable. Sunday afternoon was spent doing a little cleaning and then I went to Josh's orchestra concert. After that I spent time working on my storytime presentation that I had to do today.

This morning I got up much earlier than normal and got to school by 7:20. I got some things ready for my presentation and then at 10:00 I headed over to an elementary school. I did my presentation for a class of first graders. I read two stories which were The Very Hungry Caterpillar and Charlie the Caterpillar. Do you see a theme? I included a poem with hand gestures and an art activity for the students. I spent about 45 minutes there and I think it went well. I'm not sure elementary kids are my cup of tea, but I think I did what I needed to do for the project.

After that, I came back to school and my 5th period students brought cupcakes to class for my birthday and they sang "Happy Birthday" to me in both English and Spanish. It was a fairly normal school day after that. Marty sent me a text message telling me Happy Birthday and then I talked to him briefly on the way home from school.

Once home, I made dinner, typed my storytime report and then had to go to band. I just got back a little while ago and talked to my aunt who called to wish me a Happy Birthday as well. She sent me a check in the mail with a card which will be great to have for my upcoming trip. Josh was supposed to get a card as well, but it didn't make it today. I hope it didn't get lost in the mail.

Now I'm going to finish my storytime report and then call it a night. I have a lot more I should do, but I am already tired so I am going to try to get to bed soon. Just 3 days, 19 hours and 37 minutes until my flight on Friday! (Not that I'm counting.)

Counting days

Marty tells me that I shouldn't count the days until I leave because it will make it seem longer. But I can't help it. I put a counter on my igoogle page that counts down for me. It gives me hope knowing that I'll be in Florida in less than 9 days now. School is the same old stuff. I wanted to say something else, but I should keep this a family friendly blog. I'm sick of all the meetings, the acronyms, the accountability, the lazy kids, the lesson plans, the duty, the lunacy of it all. More and more am I realizing that getting my library degree is probably a very wise move on my part. I have to get out of the classroom before insanity sets in.
So in other news today. My mp3 in broken I believe. Something weird happened on the way home and now it won't start up. That makes me very unhappy. I got a letter from social security in the mail today stating that they have decided that Josh should receive his checks directly rather than me being a payee. I guess that's because he's turning 18, but he's still in school so he'll get checks until he graduates. So it just makes things more inconvenient, but I guess as long as the checks are coming it will help us manage until June. At that point, I'll have the car paid off and then I'll just have to deal with another payment for about 7 more months so it will be tight.
Last weekend at the Fallback Festival I won a silent auction item. I bid on this basket of goodies that had snacks from all over the world. I mostly wanted it because of the bottle of wine in it. I haven't opened the wine yet, but am considering it tonight. But it has all these weird things in it that Josh and I are trying out. Some are quite tasty like the chocolate mint cookies. Some are a little strange. There's also a lot of dark chocolate items and neither of us are fans of that so it's getting pushed aside until I can find someone that likes it.
I turned in a 3rd grad school paper and my second set of journals. Now I've got to read through 72 pages of other's journals and start posting comments. I still also have to write two more journals about two other books relatively soon. I'm still making an A at this point but I'm starting to struggle now and I know I'm not producing my best work. I should be reading instead of blogging of course, but I felt bad that I have posted in a few days. But I guess I've wasted enough time. Better go get busy and try to keep that grade up.

Making Headway

Well, I finished the 9 journals I was working on and just posted them. I should go back and read through them for potential grammar issues and other errors, but at this point I really don't care. O.k. I do care, but I'm not going to do anything about it right now.

Tonight is senior night at the game so I've got to go in support of Josh. I will be on the field as the band plays and then after the opener, they will have a presentation where they will announce each senior and their parents. After that, the band plays the school song and then we will go back to the stands.

School is just crazy and I'm totally behind on grades. I can't believe I was dumb enough to take on yearbook this year. I don't know how I'm going to manage. I guess somehow I'll muddle through, but I'm going to have to make some big changes for next year. I'm not sure whether I can convince Marty to marry me and sweep me out of here, so I guess I should come up with a plan B -lol. First I'll look for potential library job openings. Worst case, I'll transfer the speech team stuff over to my assistant and just teach comm.app. classes and yearbook.

Thankfully there is no speech tournament this weekend. Tomorrow is the fallback festival and I've been asked to help with the drawing of names. Originally I was going to bar tend, but this job is probably better for me since I'm not very sociable. I think I do a pretty good job as bartender because I can make the drinks well and move pretty fast, but it doesn't really matter to me.

This weekend I have to get another paper done for my other class. This time it is spending $2000 on materials for a potential gap in my library. I'm going to be seeking materials related to music. I found a bunch from one source, but do need to use multiple sources so that is what I'll be focusing on Sunday afternoon in addition to writing up the paper itself. It is due on Tuesday. Next week I have to do three journal responses and get ready for my story time presentation about caterpillars which I'll do on my birthday (Nov. 10 in case you've forgotten) I don't know what Josh and I will do (again, we share the same birthday) but we'll probably at least go out to dinner.

Only TWO MORE WEEKS until I'm headed to Florida and see Marty. Wooooo Hooo!
Time to get ready to go to the game.

In too deep

Too busy trying to read books, write journals, and deal with all the teaching stuff that I haven't had time to post. Doesn't look like it will let up any time soon. I'm still in survival mode and probably getting an ulcer right now. I'll be back when my head surfaces above water. Right now I'm totally drowning.

More bragging

I went to the musical tonight. The high school did a production of Grease. They had two starring casts; one that showed last weekend and the second cast is this weekend. Josh had the role of Sonny. I have to say that I'm still proud of my boy. He's very talented. (If I say so myself.) It wasn't the starring role by any means, but he had some great lines and he really gets into the character. I thoroughly enjoyed his performance. He is such a ham. I only planned to go to this show, but I'll probably have to go again on Sunday. Saturday would have been great, but I have a speech tournament of course. I'm still feeling overwhelmed and I really need a break. I've been taking one to some degree this week, but I will pay for it soon. I have just been so tired. I've done some reading and that's all. I have more journals and other assignments to work on. Hopefully tomorrow evening I'll get a lot done. Josh has a game out of town (sort of) and I'm just going to stay here and work my tail off. I'm not sure if I'll get anything done at the tournament. I'll be busy taking care of ballots during all day.
I have no grades in for school and I know that's not a good thing, but I just don't have time to do it all. I've had to deal with yearbook sales, seniors turning in their proofs and orders, speech team stuff, yearbook page planning, class stuff, ISS and prime time assignments, travel planning... the list is endless. Something has to change next year. I'm ready to throw in the towel so to speak. I don't know what's going to happen. Worst case scenario, I stay where I am and just hand over the speech team to my current assistant and just help him as needed. Best case, I get out of regular teaching for a year or move into a library position somewhere.
Well it's bed time already but I think I'll read for a little bit.

New Hair Cut

Well, since I don't have time much to post I figured I could at least put up a picture of my new hair cut. For some reason today was the day that everyone noticed... even though I got it cut last Thursday after school. Oh well, I got a lot of compliments on it today. Keep in mind it's the end of the day here so I don't particularly look my best.

So very far behind

I'm not getting much done these days. I hate to sound like a broken record... not enough time, but lately it's not even been that. I've completely wasted time. I have a lot to get done this week. I tried getting some cleaning done yesterday and I did make progress. I have the office area clean so I have a decent space to work. I started on my bedroom and made a small dent in the kitchen. I still have laundry and dishes to do so it's a never ending cycle.
This weekend I went to the marching contest. Josh's band got a first division. Afterwards I came home and went to bed. On Sunday I played in church and then spent the day cleaning. School was a long day today. I am still not even close to being caught up on things nor do I have anything graded. I'm trying to take care of yearbook receipt which is time consuming. I stayed at school until 5:30 today and then went to Walmart since I needed a new hair dryer. Of course I can't leave Walmart with a single item so $38 later I come home and make dinner. I at the chocolates I got while there as I made dinner because I was starving. I shouldn't go to the store hungry.
Watched Chuck and Heroes tonight instead of doing homework. I feel a little guilty but almost too tired to really care. Chatted with Marty a little as I watched t.v. (We watched Heroes together.) I am just so ready to be on my way to Florida. If I can just make it the next month or so. I don't know how serious Marty is when he mentions me coming to live in Florida - mostly it's said in jest, but right now it would be so very tempting to not teach for a year. Is that a bad thing?
Well, I'm tired and this morning came far too early. I'm going to start some laundry and call it a night.

Another Meme since I don't know what to write

Borrowed from Mama Llama. I may have done this one before... I have no idea... but here are the answers (perhaps again) for whatever it's worth. Then I'm going to bed.

So here it goes:

1. Where is your cell phone? In the car
2. Where is your significant other? Hmm... can I consider Marty my significant other if he's just a "not quite" boyfriend right now? If so, he's much too far away in Key West.
3. Your hair color? Dark Brown
4. Your mother? Deceased
5. Your father? In Utah working on a project.
6. Your favorite thing? That's a tough one. Probably my computer right now. It's how I talk to Marty and do all my "stuff."
7. Your dream last night? I have no idea, but I know I dreamed.
8. Your dream/goal? To finish my master's degree and get out of the classroom.
9. The room you’re in? My office/craft room.
10. Your hobby? Making rosaries. Riding roller coasters. Reading. None of which I get to participate in at the moment.... reading doesn't count because I am doing a lot of that, but it's for class.
11. Your fear? Losing people I love.
12. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Happily married to Marty living somewhere.
13. Where were you last night? At the football game.
14. What you’re not? A neat freak. I like order, but it just doesn't happen in my life. I'm too busy and too distracted to keep things in order.
15. One of your wish-list items? More time. I can't think of anything concrete at the moment.
16. Where you grew up? Born and raised in Texas. Have lived in the Panhandle area all my life. Maybe it's time for a change???
17. The last thing you did? Ate dinner.
18. What are you wearing? Marvin the Martian pajamas. A watch. Socks.
19. Your TV? Rarely on these days. (Except Mondays for Chuck and Heroes)
20. Your pets? Whiny. 3 dogs, two cats.
21. Your computer? Personal computer is a Dell PC. School computer is a macbook.
22. Your mood? Content. Feeling tired, but relatively happy. Sometimes a little conflicted but most of the time things are grand. I'm really tired though.
23. Missing someone? Absolutely. Only 27 more days until I head to Florida!
24. Your car? 1999 White Nissan Maxima that is sitting in the garage.
25. Something you’re not wearing? A bra. It comes off almost the moment I get home if I have no place to go.
26. Favorite store? For clothes - Dillard's. Crafts - Hobby Lobby. Grocery - Walmart (for the prices).
27. Your summer? Much too short.
28. Love someone? Totally
29. Your favorite color? Purple most of the time these days.
30. When is the last time you laughed? Today.
31. Last time you cried? Probably a few days ago when I was reading one of my books for class.

Walking after midnight

I couldn't think of what else to use for a title but since I'm posting at 12:30 a.m. I thought it was somewhat appropriate. You're probably wondering why in the world I am posting at such a late hour. Well first let me tell you about my day. A typical school day where I have a million things to accomplish and I get about half of them done. I have picture retake day tomorrow and have to plan for it. I had to deal with a bunch of yearbook orders with students scrambling at the last minute to buy their yearbooks for $40. I didn't leave school until 5:30 and I was going to go from there to Amarillo and have my hair cut. On the way home I called my friend Pam and she mentioned wanting to go shopping to find some pants so I told her that I'd pick her up. So I headed straight to Amarillo, picked her up and headed to the mall. I got my hair cut (pretty short this time) and then we shopped for clothes. Amazingly, I didn't buy anything though I did try on a few shirts. After the mall we went to On the Border for dinner. I had a margarita and a combination plate which was very yummy and I ate far too much. I called Marty on the way home because I wasn't sure if he had been online tonight wondering where I was. Turns out that he was out too so I just briefly chatted with him. I got home at 9:45 and checked email and such. I am not sure when I went to bed but Marty called me again sometime after 11:00. I wasn't asleep so I answered the phone and I just got off after talking to him. I have to say that he still confuses me.
I wanted to write about the confusion and such but not sure how to word it. And since he is reading my blog these days I don't want to verbalize something that is just a thought process right now. But let's put it this way - the first conversation left me thinking one way and the second almost reverses it. Men are just weird sometimes - not that we women aren't. Oh well... it's late and it's hard to explain, but I just wanted to throw that out there.
I'm still up because when I was talking to him on the phone I realized it was very late and Josh wasn't home. So I called him and he was on his way back from I-Hop after the musical this evening.
Well, I should get to bed since it's an early day for me tomorrow.

All I can say is I'm tired

I think it's all catching up with me. I wasn't up late last night. I actually finished my paper and submitted it before 11:00 p.m. I don't think it was my best work, but I hope I covered it well enough to get a decent grade. I'm still perpetually behind in everything. Today I had to submit another travel request. I then submitted two purchase orders that have needed to be done since around the first of the school year. I wasn't prepared for my classes today but luckily most are just doing general "work." I still have a million other things to do and I should be doing a journal entry or something else for my grad school stuff, but I just don't think it's going to happen. I think I'll read one of my books tonight instead. I could easily go to bed right now, but can't do that. But I think I will go to bed early and forget about all the stuff I should be doing. I guess when you go 90 miles an hour for a long time it catches up with you at some point and you just run out of gas.
Marty is enjoying his time in Connecticut with his girls. He's being a typical dad picking up one from driver's ed and dealing with the antics of the other. I'm glad he's got his laptop working so that I can still chat with him a little. I didn't talk to him much last night since I was working on my paper, but it's always good to talk to him. The conversations have had some interesting turns so I'm anxious to be able to see and talk to him in person when I go to Key West. It's officially less than a month. Woo hoo! Yeah, I'm excited. Maybe after the trip perhaps he can move into "boyfriend" status instead of being my "not quite boyfriend."
Well, I'm going to start a book and then probably call it an early night despite the guild I might feel about it.

Fall is here

It is chilly today. Thankfully I had the day off from school today. It is a comp day and since I did other workshops this summer, I get today off and will get another day in January. I slept in this morning which was quite lovely. I intended to get up earlier to take my car in to have a flat fixed, but it didn't happen. I did get it there by 10:45 but had to wait about an hour. Originally it was going to be an hour and a half, but thankfully, it didn't take that long. I read one and half books while waiting. Afterwards I went over to the mall. I probably should have come home and cleaned house or started working on my paper, but it didn't happen that way. The main reason I went is because I needed a new bra and the only one I've found that I love is at Victoria's secret. I wish I could just wear a basic cheap one, but all of those that I have are either uncomfortable or the straps constantly fall down. Since the two that I have are literally falling apart, I decided to finally break down and pay the big bucks for another. But first I stopped in JC Penny's and had to try on a few things. I ended up getting three shirts because I always need shirts. I got nice bright green one since I don't have much of that color in my wardrobe and I have beautiful pair of emerald earrings that Marty gave me once upon a time that I don't wear much because I don't have that color. After the mall I went to Taco Villa (of course) and picked up lunch. From there I went to Hobby Lobby and spent probably 45 minutes looking at beads and then talking myself out of buying anything despite the 50% off sale on all of them. I wanted to make some new rosaries, but I know that I don't have time so I just decided to let it go. I headed home and discovered it was quite chilly. I wanted to turn on the heat but realized the filter needed to be changed but I didn't have another one. I left the old one in and turned the heat on anyway. I curled up in my bed (with another space heater on) for about 30 minutes. Now I'm trying to motivate myself to get some things done. I'm going to head to the library around 5:30 and get started on my paper and hopefully write one or two journals. I'm doing pretty well on reading. Flying this weekend allowed for me to get several books read. I read another one here last night and will have two or three more read by this evening. I am still doing well in my Children's Lit class. I made a 100 on my recent discussions. I still have no idea how I did on my paper for the other class and yet I have to turn in another paper tomorrow by midnight. (And I haven't even started it except for sending out the survey to the math teachers.) I don't think it will be too involved though. I won't need to use a lot of sources, just the basics of why I did the survey, the method used and why I chose that method and then analyze the results of the survey. I probably won't have results until tomorrow, however.
I need to get busy on some house work and make something for supper before Josh gets home.

I can live with this

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Long time no see, huh?

Well, I guess that 5 days isn't really that long. But for someone who used to post daily, I guess it could be. I have been at my convention since Wednesday. Although I do have internet service here, I've been far to busy to blog. So far the conference has been o.k. I've seen some decent sessions and I think my session went fine. The TFA meetings have been long and drawn out. Imagine a bunch of speech teachers that like to debate having discussions and voting on issues that are very divisive.
I also had homework to finish while here so on Thursday night I was up until 12:45 getting it done. It wasn't due until Friday, but I wanted to take no chances on something not working out. I did get it uploaded though I have concerns since I did it more at the last minute. I think it is o.k. but I probably would have spent more time on it if I had it. This is coming from the perfectionist that I am. I also had to get a survey out to the math teachers so I can write my paper that is due on Tuesday. Thankfully I was able to use surveymonkey to do it. I just sent the link to them and I have at least one response. That is all I had to have, but I hope a few more will respond.
I've had a lot of seafood here and I'm ready for something else. We went to Landry's last night which was good, but expensive. The atmosphere was nice though. I had a bloody mary and it was very good even though it was a little spicy. I am ready for just a regular burger and fries. I fly out at 3:45 today. I don't mind traveling, but I'm ready to be home.
Right now I'm enjoying my complimentary morning beverages. I joined the hotel's guest program at last year's convention so I could have the free internet access. It also allows me to have free hot and cold beverages delivered in the morning. I also get turn down service at night with a chocolate mint left on the bed. I feel so special.
Marty is on his way to Connecticut to visit his girls. I probably won't have as much contact with him but that just means he'll probably miss me which I think is a good thing. I know I'll miss him, but I have so much to do that I won't have time to dwell on it.
Well, I've got to get in the shower and get ready for the day.

Still heading to Florida

I'm just going two weeks later than expected. I made the reservation changes today and luckily it was cheaper than I thought it would be. I guess because gas prices went down, the airfare went down as well. I'm flying into Miami on Friday evening the 14th of November. Marty will pick me up there and we'll stay the night in Miami. After that I'll have 3 1/2 days with him in Key West. I return on Tuesday, November 18 flying out from Key West so he doesn't have to make the return trip to Miami. It still cost me $189 to make the change, but the fee to change was $150 of that. Originally when I checked this weekend, it was going to cost around $265 to change.
Although I would love for him to come here on the weekend of Halloween, it was more complex to change the name so I figured I might as just go a different time. It works out better for him since it is around his pay day so everything works out. I'm still excited, but kind of bummed that I have to wait longer. It's now six weeks instead of four. Oh well.
On Wednesday I am flying to Corpus Christi to go to my annual speech convention. I am not ready for it at all. I still have to update my speech team website (since that is the main focus of my presentation) but I couldn't today because front page isn't installed on my school computer. Luckily, I have the program so I'm going to take it to school tomorrow and install it. I have a million things to get done before tomorrow evening, but I guess that somehow, they will get done. It will be nice to get away for a few days. I'm just very behind on my grad school work. I have to get a survey out to the math teachers at school and I still have no idea what questions I'm going to ask. Well, I guess I'll figure it out. Heroes is coming on tonight and I want to watch it, but I'm afraid I won't get anything done. It is a dilemma. Oh well... I just picked up dinner so I'm going to go enjoy it and try to get focused on my work.

A kink in the plan

I went to the football game on Friday. The band did o.k. but I don't think that they're where they need to be before they go to contest this next weekend. Unfortunately while at the game I realized that the weekend that I'm supposed to go visit Marty is the same weekend as the senior parent night for band. I was feeling very conflicted because I did not want to miss that opportunity for Josh and at the same time, I already bought my ticket for my trip. On that night, the senior band students and their parents line up at the front of the field and they have a ceremony of sorts. At first I thought about having someone else stand in for me and then I realize that really there isn't anyone else that could do it. I'm the only parent and I realized that I needed to be there for Josh regardless of the inconvenience of changing my plans in going to see Marty. I figured Marty would understand. So I called Marty yesterday and he said it was fine so now I'm looking for different days to go. While at church this morning, I realized that perhaps instead, I could reverse the ticket and fly Marty here, but the complexities of changing a name on a ticket are too much. So I'll probably be going around the second week in November instead. It's two more weeks to wait and it will cost more money to make the change, but it's my fault for not checking the date closely in the first place. Since I have an assistant coach, I can let him take the kids to one of the tournaments which frees up a weekend for me.
Now I'm having a hard time getting focused today. There are a lot of things I need to get done for class, but I just can't get motivated. I have a severe case of the lazies, I guess. We had our first speech tournament yesterday and my kids well. We won the first place sweepstakes trophy. It was a small tournament so we were able to get finished early. I was able to get home by 9:00 which was nice. I talked to Marty for a long time on the phone last night. I finally went to bed around 10:30 but had to get up early this morning because I was singing in church at the 8:30 service. I came home and tried to see about changing my ticket but it didn't work out like I wanted to so I gave up and took a nap. Now I'm checking flights again and then hopefully I get some work done on my upcoming book review that I need to turn in by Wednesday.

TGIF I think

What an exhausting day. It doesn't help that I'm staying up past 10:30 at night. I'm the kind of person that really needs my sleep and I get tired and cranky when I don't get enough. I had to catch up on a lot of grading today, but I made a lot of progress I think. I had to get everything ready for our first tournament tomorrow. I have to be in Hereford by 5:45 a.m. Ugh. Not going to be happy in the morning. Some of my kids are ready and others.. well, I hope they don't embarrass themselves. I do have some pleasant potential surprises, however. I have one student that is going for the first time that may actually do pretty well. He has the knack for writing and is very smart.
I picked up Sonic for dinner when I got back home and spilled chili on my shirt. I threw it in the washer so I could wear it to the game tonight since it is purple. It's homecoming so I have to look spirited for sure. I'll take a book to read and then watch the half-time show. After that I'll head home and go to bed since I have to be up so early. Well, gonna be heading out soon. Catch ya'll later.

Still much to do

I'm learning to prioritize. I've always done this to some degree, but right now, it is an absolute necessity. I am dealing with not slacking off so much, but it still creeps up from time to time. I have accepted the fact that my house will not be clean for a very long time. I will manage and do just as much as necessary to survive - like do laundry and dishes as needed, but the days of an immaculate house are far gone.

I still have several grades to catch up on for class, but I'm just not going to get to it tonight. I have to read at least one of my books as well as the journal entries for my class so I can comment on them. That itself is 69 pages. Then I have to write a post in response to the entries as well as three follow-ups. Not to mention that I have a book review coming up that I need to do this weekend. I've gotten two books from our library to read but haven't started either of them yet. It's due on the 10th, but I have to turn it in by the 7th since I'll be gone to convention next week from the 8th through the 11th. I'll be in Corpus Christi... woo hoo!

As you can see, I'm trying to still fit blogging in when I can for the five or six of you that still read. Oh.. and Marty does check out the blog from time to time. It thrills me when I check my stats and see the visitor from Key West in the wee hours of the morning. He'll never comment or even read the comments unless I tell him specifically that someone said something about him. But I like that he reads once in a while. Things are still fine in our relationship as we've defined it. I think that he's still pondering a lot of things and is waiting to see how things go when I visit before moving forward in any way. So I guess my visit could be good or bad. I'm hoping for the best of course. My friend Carol - the wonderful optimistic - says that she has a good feeling about the upcoming visit. I hope she is right. After all, she was right when she said several years ago shortly after Marty and I broke up that she didn't think that he was out of my life for good and that perhaps there was still a better plan for us. I know her prayers have been there in that respect and if anyone that I personally know is going have their prayers heard... it's Carol.

Well, time to get busy reading. Have a good night all and I'll catch up again in a few days probably.

Need to get moving

I'm playing at church this morning so I need to go take a shower and get ready. I copied the music I needed that has page turns. The music director bought me a set of books with all the clarinet music for our hymnal, but I found out the last time I played that there were some awkward page turns. This time I got the numbers for the songs in advance so I won't have those issues.
I read the book The Chocolate War by Robert Cormier yesterday. It was part of my assigned reading for my Children's Lit class. I have to say I didn't like the book at all. It reminded me of Lord of the Flies with a host of cruel boys. Maybe for me it's a girl thing, but I didn't see the point of story like this other than to indicate that there are cruel people in the world.
I think I did well on the tests I took yesterday for my class. I don't know if I aced it, but I think I answered most of them correctly. Now I've got to start catching up on the other class. I've printed out some articles on the decline of libraries and have to offer my opinion on the matter. I still need to read a chapter in the book for that class and then take a quiz. I also need to start working on my next paper for it as well. So far the work hasn't been really hard, but it is time consuming. According to my academic adviser, students should plan to spend 12 hours a week per class studying. I'm getting close to that point. I pretty much come home every night and focus on grad school work. That means I'm not getting as much done for my classes at the high school. I had intentions of going up to the school today to work, but because of what I spent last month in gas, I don't want to go. I'll try to get caught up on grading today, but I also need to read more books for my Children's Lit class.
Well barely over a month and I'll be headed to Key West. I cannot tell you how excited I am to be going. I just have a lot of work to do between now and then so that I can focus my time on relaxing and having fun.
Well, gotta go get ready for church.

Glad the weekend is here

...not that I'll get much rest, but it will be great to sleep in tomorrow morning. On Thursday this week I woke up thinking it was Friday and was disappointed to finally realize that it wasn't. I finished the journals for my Children's Lit class. They turned out to cover 11 pages single spaced. I guess I am too wordy but I didn't feel like I fully answered the questions otherwise. Some of the other entries I read were far shorter. I had to spend some time putting in html coding in the entry so that it would post correctly. I'm glad I checked it today to make sure that it was formatted. Turns out that the "preview" isn't accurate when working on the post.
I had to stay after school today to work the sophomore class supper. I had to fill cups with tea for an hour. I really only worked for about 30 minutes and sat around the other 30 minutes. I came home and was going to run by Sonic for supper, but I realized that my journals weren't formatted correctly, so I spent time fixing that before heading to the game. I cannot tell you how amazing my son is. I know that I am totally biased, but he just has this presence as a drum major. He is kind of wild and crazy and goofy, but at the same time he knows his stuff and is an amazing conductor. I took my book to read during the game, but when the band played the stand tunes I had to stop and watch him. He has so much fun. I love watching the band's half time show. I cannot tell you how much it gets to me. Of course I love watching Josh conduct but the music is amazing as well. They are playing Dvorak's New World Symphony. When the horn player plays the solo at the end my eyes welled up with tears. Music is what gets to me every time. How I wish I could be a part of it every day. I know I ultimately chose the wrong career. I probably should have stayed a music business major (despite hating the business classes with a passion). I do have hopes, however, that one day I might be able to work as a music librarian which is one of the reasons why I'm trying to get my certification and degree. I would have to get a separate degree in Music Library Science, but its a possibility. If they offered that degree online, I'd be going that direction. Unfortunately, I would have to physically attend classes so that would require a move on my part. But you never know what will happen or where I'll end up.
I haven't been able to talk to Marty much in the last few days. I've missed our chats but he understands and we just deal with it. I am still excited about my upcoming trip. I just hope I can manage my grad school coursework in the meantime. I'm going to spend almost all day tomorrow working on stuff and try to get caught up in my other class that I've neglected. I have to take a test in my Children's lit class, but still have a chapter and a half to read. I'll do that first thing in the morning (or mid-morning depending on my wake up time).
I thought I would be awake this evening since I had a coke at the game, but I'm feeling pretty tired so I'm going to head to my comfy bed.

Feeling the pressure

So much to do... I thought I would get a lot done today. I had to go to school for the first two classes and then I got to leave to come to a planning meeting for UIL. I got back to town around 11:15 and had a quick lunch and then went to the local library to get a library card so that I could check out some of the books I need to read. From there I went to the meeting but was early so I sat and read for a while. We then had the meeting and even though it was over in an hour I stayed another hour talking to people. After that I had to run to Amarillo to drop off some yearbook photo orders and then came back home. I read one of my books for about another hour and then made supper. I headed up to the university library around 5:30 so I could get a parking spot. I was there until about 9:15. I got one journal written and read two more chapters in my text book. (3 to go before I have to take a test this weekend.) I tried working on another journal and got the basic points down but I couldn't remember some of the characters in the books I read so I had to wait until I could fill the names in. Then I had to decide between two more journals as to which one I would answer. I tried the one regarding picture books but I guess I have either no imagination or the inability to see extraordinary things in children's book illustrations. I think the pictures are great, but I'm supposed to go into detail how the colors, line, shapes, style, details etc. add to the characterization, setting, or theme of the books. I can't put "The bright colors indicate the happy mood." on every entry. So then I thought I would write the other journal regarding Disney's version of classics opposed to the originals but I couldn't find some of the text referring to it in the book nor could I access the journal I needed to read. So I wavered back and forth tonight and felt like I didn't accomplish much. So now I still have two full journals to get down and I still have to hunt down some more books as examples for another journal that isn't completely finished. Not to mention I have to read three more chapters before taking a quiz. (Thankfully the due date was moved from tomorrow until Sunday) AND I still have work for the other class that has been put on hold for the moment. Aaaaaarrrrrrggggggghhhhhhh!
Other than that... everything is fine. I didn't get to talk to Marty except for about 5 minutes and that's because he was up late after I got back from the library. Tomorrow is hero day at school and I'm going to be decked out in Marvin regalia. Gotta go to bed now.

Run its course?

I do love the the blogosphere world but I wonder if my blog has run its course. I know I still have a handful of readers, but I know that my blog has never really been all that substantial and now that I cannot blog daily, I feel that most of the already limited interest in it has waned. I do still love reading many other blogs even though I rarely comment. I love the glimpses in others lives. Not sure what I'm going to do at this point but I thought I'd throw this out there.
As far as the weekend recap, I spent Friday evening still fairly miserable with a cough but read a good portion of one of my fantasy books for class. I thought I was feeling better on Saturday until I got up and around. Cough was still there and lungs still not up to par. I have been spending a lot of time at Sonic reading which may seem weird, but I need a place away from home or I don't get much done. There's always too many distractions at home. So I order a drink and sometimes food and I sit there for about an hour and half and just read. I did that Saturday afternoon and finished the fantasy book. I then went to the library to compare two book review journals and spent a couple of hours there taking notes. Then I went to a Baptism and reception. I spent the rest of the evening writing the journal entry for the book review comparison. I slept well last night and enjoyed sleeping in this morning. I went to church at 11:15 and then I had plans to go to school and work, but I talked myself out of it. Instead I came home and did dishes and some laundry which has been in a desperate state. I've spent some time at Sonic again reading one of the chapters in the text book. I am almost finished with another chapter and then have more to read in a different book. I have three more journals to write. I plan to write at least one each evening this week along with reading the chapters in the book. I have to take the quizzes by Thursday.
My cough is better today. Tomorrow is "nerd" day at school so I worked on putting my costume together. I like to fully participate in the dress up days, but I'm having a problem coming up with something for "sports day" this week. I have no jerseys or anything. I think I might try to dress as a blind referee though. I don't have a black and white striped shirt, but I think that I could improvise with some electrical tape.
Well, it's already past my bedtime so I'm going to head to bed.

Have you missed me?

Sorry for the lack of posts. The last week has been extremely busy. I did, however, finish my first major paper for grad school. I think I did fairly well on it which scares me because I usually don't think I do well and then it turns out I did something amazing. So now that I think I did well, it could turn out that I actually sucked... but we'll see. My paper was 16 pages which was 12 1/4 typed, a title page, an appendix, and a works cited page. I think I fully covered what they wanted, but I guess it will be a wait and see issue. Now I have to focus on the other class and finish several journal entries that are due next Friday. I finished another book today and then went to the library to view two journals that I had to compare. I copied down a lot of information but then realized I had to get to a Baptism so I had to rush out.
The Baptism was very lovely and afterwards there was a nice reception at a bed an breakfast. Now I'm home and have to make something for dinner. Then its back to work. I need to get three more journals written and then I'll be close to being finished. Then I need to finish reading the rest of the text book so I can take a quiz before the 25th. It covers 11 chapters. Not to mention the other books I need to start reading for the second set of journals... not to mention school stuff, yearbook stuff, and everything else.
I am discovering how much I like being IN school again. I guess I'm kind of a weirdo in that respect, but I've always seem to enjoy the learning process. I just don't think I'm very good and teaching others what I've learned... which I know is strange to hear a teacher say. When I read some of the journal prompts for my class I started out panicking but as I get into them, it's really not so bad. The journal I worked on today was to find and examine two book review journals and compare them in several aspects. I thought it would be difficult, but I found that it really was no big deal. Even though it takes a lot of work to write a paper, I found that I enjoy the process of it - despite nitpicking it to death and not knowing when to just STOP writing. But I do like learning. I guess I do like homework. I don't care much for chapter reading, but the general reading for my children's lit class has actually been great. I've discovered some wonderful new books and am excited to read more... if I can just find the time.
Teaching school on the other hand is just going o.k. It's not great, it's not bad... it's just there right now. I have been totally focused on cleaning out the storage room all week and am almost there. I think I'm going to go up tomorrow and finish what I can even though I should be doing some grad school stuff. I just don't feel like I can get much done until I have things in their places where they should be. There was so much stuff (junk) in the storage room. And I know all the dust and dirt that covered every square inch did not help my cold or allergies or whatever, but I had to do something. I'm not in the sneezing miserable mode right now, but I do have a somewhat nasty cough and my lung capacity doesn't feel like I'm at 100%... maybe 80%. The administrators are going on and on about this new quantum learning thing which is really great... but I really don't have time to focus on it right now. I am barely keeping my head on.
I think that if there is a library opening anywhere in the Panhandle next year that I'm going to apply for it. I do like the district I'm in and they have been very supportive, but I feel like I can't get anything done because I have to teach four different classes. I know, I know... I should learn to say "no." But really this year I'm doing it for the money. I had to add Josh onto my dental insurance, but even with paying for that, I'm getting an extra $143 a month in my pay check. Even if it is an elementary library, I feel like it would be a better situation.
Well, I guess I've rambled on enough. As far as a Marty update... not much to tell... things are still going well. We're beyond friends at this point, but not quite full relationship mode either. It's hard to explain. Basically, Marty doesn't need or want any pressure of the relationship label so I'm not going to put any pressure on him in that regard. He'll know when he's ready to make the full commitment. (And I think he will at some point.) At this point we're both only interested in each other and no plans to look elsewhere so I think that is positive. And it's only 40 more days until I get to see him.... Woo Hoo!

work, work, work

Here's a brief summation of what's going on...

I'm sick.  I have a cold and I'm miserable but I can't take any sick days.  Yesterday was open house and it was a very. long. day.

Writing a paper - I'm working on my major paper for my Information Resources class.  It will probably be close to 15 pages when I'm finished.  I'm on page four.  But I have the outline and its a matter of typing it all out.  Tomorrow I'm going to the library.  There are way too many distractions at home.

Working at school - Caught up on grades for once but not being unpacked with an organized space is driving me CRAZY.  I'm going to have to do something about that soon.  

Marty - Still talking every night though lately its more brief because of my schedule.  Things are progressing nicely and we've agreed that we're beyond "just friends" but still not quite in "full relationship" mode but we are also not interested in pursuing other "interests."  I am happy with where things are right now and I absolutely cannot WAIT until the end of October.

Well, that's all you get tonight.  Sorry posting is sparse, but other things are taking priority right now.

Something to look forward to

Well, it's official, I'm going to Florida on Halloween. I leave on the evening of Oct. 30 and get in fairly late that evening. I'll spend all day Fri, Sat. and Sunday there and return Monday afternoon. Marty will have to pick me up in Miami. It was cheaper to fly in there than directly to Key West. I just hope that there are no hurricanes planning to come through then. I tried to find other days to go... especially around Christmas, but it was just too expensive.
Today I went to the library and got some work done. I outlined my paper and realized what information I still needed. I started the paper with several blanks that need to be filled in. I think it will be o.k. I do have enough information to write a thorough paper I think. Thankfully the due date has been extended. I finished one of the chapter books that I needed to read for my children's lit class and I didn't care much for it. It was o.k. but it seemed to be a knock off of Harry Potter and it wasn't as well written as Rowling's books. I hate to be comparative, but I just didn't care for it. I have a lot more to read so I'm going to try to do some reading every evening. I don't know if I'll get to my journals this weekend. I need to concentrate on the paper for the other class. Tomorrow after church I'm going to go back to the library where I can hopefully continue to get more work done. We're supposed to have a pot luck tomorrow evening at the church. I'm not sure what I'll bring.
Well, I'm going to head to bed. It's getting late.