Miracles

I am posting one of my journaling workshop assignments here. Usually I like to keep that stuff separate for whatever reason, but I decided to go ahead and post it here as well.

Where to begin with the miracles in my life? There have been so many. Often I have not realized them until many years later, but I can see how very blessed I’ve been.

I think probably the earliest miracle was me getting to the age of five. I guess you could say I was a rambunctious child. When I was two, I got my head stuck in a cabinet, ripped part of my ear getting it out, and had to get three stitches. When I was three I fell off of a slide and busted my head getting another twenty stitches; I still have a funky part in my bangs. When I was four, I loved those Bayer children’s aspirin that tasted like orange candy. I ate an entire bottle and upon discovery was taken to the hospital and given that nasty syrup of Ipecac. But the biggest miracle was when I was hit by a car and broke my neck at the age of four and I never suffered any kind of paralysis. The details about how it happened aren’t important, but let’s say that my Big Wheel was involved and I think I was practicing my dare devil moves. When it happened, my mother had just gotten home and for some strange reason that she couldn’t explain, she walked straight to the window. She didn’t hear anything, but some propelled her. She saw that I’d been hit and ran outside. I was taken to a hospital where they said I was banged up pretty good, but really couldn’t find anything else wrong with me. I complained about my neck hurting for days afterwards so my parents took me to a chiropractor. It’s a funny memory because I remember going and was told they were going to take an x-ray and asked if I wanted to see my skeleton. I absolutely did not! Skeletons were scary! After that, I was flown to Oklahoma City (my first plane ride) where after two weeks, a broken neck was confirmed and I finally had surgery to fuse my vertebrae together. I had cracked two of them, but it was high enough that it didn’t affect my spinal cord. After my traumatic stint in the hospital, I finally calmed down and never returned to one (other than visiting people or for brief lab work) until I gave birth to my son.

I’m sure I had other miracles during my childhood, but those memories tend to be foggy these days. I do know that I experienced several more during the time I was in college and facing an unplanned pregnancy. I’ve never told anyone this, but when I knew there was a possibility that I might be pregnant, I prayed that I was. I don’t know why at the time because it would completely turn my life upside down, but there was a part of me that felt I needed to do it. And so I was. I had others that wanted me to have an abortion, including the father, but I said no. I briefly thought of adoption, but ruled it out almost immediately. I wasn’t sure how I was going to handle it, but I had decided to do whatever I needed to raise this child and finish school.

It was very much a struggle. There were times I was so tired because I didn’t get any sleep and then had to go to class, and then had to work and do homework that I didn’t know which way was up. But because of Josh, many more miracles seemed to happen. If I hadn’t gotten pregnant and had him, I probably would never have qualified for work study or grants. My parents were middle income which was too much for certain assistance but they didn’t have enough to pay for my education. After I had Josh, my entire college years were paid for and I only had one college loan - $1000 for one summer session in which I didn’t get a grant.

I earned less than $5000 a year but still had food to eat and a place to live. The first house I lived with Josh was a small place that had two bedroom areas, a living area, tiny kitchen & bath for only $75 a month. This is without being on HUD. It needed to be fixed up because it only had cement floors at the time, but we found used carpet in good condition, painted the walls, and even finding a refrigerator that fit in the small space was another miracle. We happened upon it while driving around town and it was sitting in someone’s yard. The owner hadn’t planned to sell it, but decided to on the spot.

And so the miracles continued. I always seemed to find a place to live that was affordable. When I applied for my first teaching job, I only applied at one district and a job in my field just happened to open up that summer. When I was facing my divorce, a foreclosure, and my mother’s death, her passing, although sad, gave me a new start with a place to live. When I had no health insurance with my job for two years, Josh and I stayed healthy. When I decided to return to teaching in order to get health insurance, another job opened up at just the right time.

These are only a few of miracles and blessings in my life. I have often wondered why I have been blessed when I’ve thought I have been so undeserving of it. I gave up on religion for quite a long time, but I still seemed to manage during the bleak moments. And now that I finally found faith again and am experiencing God’s graces in a very profound way, it continues. Yes, sometimes I still wonder when it’s all going to come crashing down, but if and when it does, I will still have the other blessings and good things to help me through.