2005 Year in Review Meme - Again

1. What did you do in 2005 that you'd never done before?
Attended a Catholic Mass

2. Did you keep your new year's resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
Once again, I didn’t make any resolutions other than it being a better year than the one before. For the most part it was. I may not make resolutions for next year, but may have some goals.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
Yes. My friend Patrick and his wife had a baby. Although I haven't met Tiffany in person... I feel like I know her to some degree via blogging.

4. Did anyone close to you die?
I can’t say we were close given the circumstances, but yes, my son’s father passed away.

5. What countries did you visit?
There’s no place like home. I hardly even made it out of state only going to New Mexico this year.

6. What would you like to have in 2006 that you lacked in 2005?
More faith, love, and hope. And I didn’t lack these things… just want more.

7. What dates from 2005 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?
Mid-April when Marty and I broke up. September when I started RCIA.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?
Changing jobs and going to church.

9. What was your biggest failure?
Losing Marty and not knowing exactly why.

10. What was the best thing you bought?
Books. Sue Grafton, Janet Evanovich and Harry Potter.

11. Whose behavior merited celebration?
I’m not sure how to answer this one. I guess my son for doing so well in band and making the musical while still keeping his grades up.

12. Whose behavior made you appalled and disgusted?
Nobody really. I guess myself at times.

13. What song will always remind you of 2005?
Blest Are They. It’s one of the songs we sang in choir. It reminds me of how blest I really am.

14. What do you wish you'd done more of?
Reading and writing.

15. What do you wish you'd done less of?
Worry over Marty-which most likely led to our demise. I couldn’t help it at the time. I think I’ve grown up a great deal since then, but sometimes things are just a little too late.

16. Did you fall in love in 2005?
Sort of… with my Church. I also had to fall out of love, which sucked… but I can’t say I really stopped loving you know who.

17. What was your favorite TV program?
Monk.

18. What was the best book you read?
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince.

19. What one thing would have made your year measurably more satisfying?
Do we really need to rehash this? I think we all know the answer to this one.

20. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2005?
Comfortable, school clothes.

21. What kept you sane?
Going to church and blogging.

22. Who did you miss?
Marty, duh.

23. Who was the best new person you met?
My wonderful friend and sponsor, Carol. She has been a wonderful blessing in my life. Also, would be re-meeting my friend Stephanie who I’d lost touch with for many years.

24. Tell us a valuable lesson you learned in 2005.
There are no guarantees in love. Long distance relationships may very well be impossible.

25. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

We are young, heartache to heartache we stand
No promises, no demands
Love is a battlefield
We are strong, no one can tell us we’re wrong
Searchin’ our hearts for so long, both of us knowing
Love is a battlefield

What Have I done?

Well it's time to look back at the past year and see where it's lead me. Here's a recap:

January: Saw Marty romantically for the last time. Began my Journaling From the Heart workshop (private handwritten journal). Made attempts to lose weight again.
February: obsessed over relationship with Marty as he left for California. Realized that things were off despite continued living in denial. Sent my first email to the Catholic Church. (though I didn't respond for a month)
March: Dealt with a lot of financial worries as child support stopped coming. More frustrations in regard to Marty. Called the Catholic Church and attended my first Mass.
April: Broke up with Marty. Well, I basically let him go. Because I had to. Played in WT's Showcase of Music. Began paperwork on my marriage annulment. Started working on job applications. Mollie (the pain in the ass dog) showed up on my doorstep.
May: Interviewed for jobs and received job offer. Continued to go to Mass. Was my one year anniversary of my blog.
June: Ebayed stuff. Played in summer band. Dated Brian. Worked speech camp.
July: Sent my first real letter to Prison Pete. Taught my last yearbook workshop. Played in director's band at band camp.
August: Started back teaching. Went to my sister's weddings. Got a loan for my big credit cards (although I've charged half one again because of my dental work and not having child support.
September: Found about Josh's dad's suicide. Took students to my first speech tournament by myself. (They won sweepstakes) Started RCIA classes.
October: Watched Josh's marching band contest. Applied for SSI benefits for Josh. Went to dentist for the first time and had wisdom teeth taken out and a root canal.
November: Mine & Josh's birthday. Sang in choir for our Church dedication. Went to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving.
December: Stayed busy with teaching, speech tournaments, RCIA, choir. Finally had SSI come through. Went to Albuquerque for Christmas.

I can't say it was an exciting year, but overall I can't complain. Sure, I wished Marty and I hadn't broken up, but I know that I can't do anything about that. I still appreciate having him in my life. I am thankful for my journey in the Catholic Church. It has been a source of strength and comfort for me. Going back to teaching wasn't an easy decision to make, but I do think it's been the right one. I'm still hopeful for love, but have given up on the internet dating stuff.
I have no regrets from this past year and am thankful for all my experiences. Especially for those with Marty and in the Church. So here's to a new year. May it be as good, if not better as 2005. *raises her glass and drinks*

Blogs of Note

I don't if it's just me and perhaps I just don't "get it", but I've checked the blogs of note recently and they don't seem that interesting. It's not that my blog read by about a dozen people daily (if I'm lucky) is all that exciting either... but then again, I'm not a blog of note. But shall we examine these blogs that have been noticed?

Who Has Time For This? – A venture capitalist's observations of the consumer internet, information security, entrepreneurship, and science. Welcome to the sausage factory! I’m not sure if it’s all just above my head, but it seems to deal mostly with economics and it was boring in high school and it’s still boring now.

The Lonely Island - This is the spot for all your hot Lonely Island news. Reported by me, Chez! Got any sizzling TLI gossip or sightings? Your secret is safe with me *wink* Is it just me or does anyone else over the age of 30 “get” this site?

ScuBlog – O.k. I can see the appeal of this blog for people that have an interest in scuba diving. That doesn’t happen to involve, but the pictures are interesting.

Treo 650 Tips - A collection of Treo 650 modifications and advanced info to make your Treo 650 the best it can be
This seems like it’s just one big commercial for the Palm Treo (I had to look it up as I didn’t know what it was) Again… how is this interesting to general readers? Is it because I’m broke and can’t afford such neat toys?

Lovento - Your social nightlife- and leisure-community! I guess the website has to do with people that have a social life… but how does that apply to online? Forgive me if I’m wrong, but doesn’t a social life generally mean that one should leave the house? I guess I’m in the dark ages since I don’t have a social life of any sorts. Maybe that’s the reason why this particular blog isn’t interesting to me.

My Life on a Plate - The memoirs of a galactic traveler, spinning around in the same endless circle. At least this one resembles what I would term a “real” blog. But what gets me is that it has a total of 9 blogs. The writing is good, but I’m not sure how it becomes noteworthy in such a short time.

Little John PalmOS - Little John PalmOS (or LJP in short) is a multi-system emulator for PalmOS 5.0 (or newer) devices. Another commercial for doohickeys that do not nor will never own.

Finding Lisp - Slowly but surely, the programming world is finding Lisp...
A blog by Dave Roberts (dave-at-findinglisp-dot-com) I don’t get ANY of it. I used to think I had some basic computer understanding. I guess I am mistaken. Waaayyy too over my head here.

The Splintered Mind - Overcoming Neurological Disabilities With Lots Of Humor And Attitude O.k. this one I’ll give them. It is actually an interesting read. Not something I would necessarily bookmark, but can understand the appeal. Writer takes a humorous look at his deficiency and does a great job with it.

Under Aged RVers - A travel blog about Dan and Rachel Goddard. two 31 year old RVers. Eh, some interesting pictures and stories… but it’s not being posted any more. You have to go back and read the archives.

Casa del Ionesco – Some quirky posts, but it’s all pretty random.

HorsePigCow – Seems like a typical blog. I didn’t find anything extraordinary in the writing or the numerous pictures posted.

Xooglers - A gathering spot for ex-Googlers to reminisce and comment on the latest developments in search. Still a bunch of technical stuff that is above my head mostly. The guy writes well at least.

Lou Romano – Some kind of artsy thing with some interesting pictures by the blogger, but he’s only posted in the month of November.

Pimpwiz - PimpWiz.com is most simply a content portal; your guide to the opulent lifestyle and source for high-end pop culture. O.k. this doesn’t relate to me in any way. I don’t I will have to use the word “opulent” in my vocabulary ever.

So tell me… is it just me or does any one else find these “blogs of note” not all that noteworthy? I'm not saying my blog deserves any recognition... but I think it's better than some of these other ones. At least I'm not commercializing gadgets and I've been blogging longer than a month.

Journaling and writing

I guess I've always had this thing about writing. At times I wish I could write more or better than I do, but ever since about the 6th grade, I have been writing to some degree. It started with my first diary. You can see it in the picture... the little brown one with the lock. I didn't write in it every day. Actually I only wrote maybe 20 entries and that was over a period of about 3-4 years. But that's when I started writing my thoughts down.In the 8th grade I started writing poetry. O.k. they were cheesy love poems about my broken hearts and such, but I enjoyed the process of putting my thoughts and feelings into verse. I started collecting my poems in a journal sometime in high school. I filled my first book with 73 poems dating from March 1984 until March 1992. I started a second book where I only had five more poems from July 1992 until January 1996. I've written others here and there, but stopped putting them in my journal.
When I was in junior high, I didn't write my thoughts in a journal, but generally used notebook paper. I started collecting my thoughts and the pictures I drew (of some boy's name) in this green notebook. (Yes, Bret... the infamous green notebook... that I still have.) It is so funny to go back and read some of my entries. How tragic my love life was, how I'd never find love and how Bret completely broke my heart. Even after high school, I still wrote when I needed to get my feelings out. Usually on paper or other notebooks, but nothing organized. Even when I worked at the walmart snack bar I found the urge to write and not having any paper, I would write really small on the backs of old cash register receipts.
In 1995 I got a new journal that I would write in from time to time. I found often, though, that I would write regularly for about a week, then several months and sometimes years would go by. In September of 2003 I bought myself another new journal in hopes that by writing I could deal with a lot the issues that were going on in my life. This was a month before Richard and I decided to divorce. I wrote several entries during that time about my thoughts on our relationship and then the concept of our divorce. Throughout 2004 and 2005 I continued to write in it, but not very often as I found myself blogging more often. I still write in it from time to time, but find that blogging is easier. At the beginning of this year, however, I got yet another journal because I wanted to practice the art of journaling and bought a book called the Journaling from the Heart workshop. I completed the first section of 25 exercises and wrote quite regularly. I stopped doing the exercises for the most part in June, but have since picked it up again. I may find some good blog material to post from those entries at some point, but much of it got quite personal and even though I put a lot of stuff out there in my blog, it's stuff I don't think I could voice to the public.
When I was dating Marty and he found out that he was going to Alaska, I got a journal that I started writing just for him. My plan was to journal my thoughts about our relationship and how I was dealing with the split and then give it to him once he finished his year. Well, I had started writing in it when everything blew up and I ended up giving it to him before he left. I guess he probably read it, but he never said anything to me about it.
So why do I write? Because I find sometimes it's easier to get the thoughts that swirl in my head to make sense when I put it on paper. Sometimes I don't want to lose the thoughts that I have or I feel that it's necessary to remember certain feelings and situations. I'm not always the best at verbalizing my thoughts, but if I can take the time to write it out, then I can hopefully get them out where they make some kind of sense. Putting things down in written form is lasting. It's something that you can go back and read and remember and perhaps even learn from. I can see how I've changed and grown by reading my previous entries. And mostly it's because it's therapeutic. It helps to just get it out there. Because once it's out, hopefully I can start to move on.
There are some fabulous writers out there whose blogs I really enjoy reading. One of them, my friend Jonathon, has commented how much he loves my writing. I guess I am my own worst critic as I tend to think my writing can be mundane and boring. But he reads faithfully every day and that makes me want to keep writing. Even when it's not something noteworthy or thought-provoking, I still want to put my life out there. I don't know what the appeal of putting myself out there for the world to read is, but I don't want to stop. And as long as someone is reading, I'll keep posting.

Year in Review Meme

Stolen from Patrick. Here's the rules for this one:
"Go to your Calendar and find the first entry for each month of 2005 (not including memes of course). Post the first line of it in your journal, and that's your 'Year In Review'."

January “Well, 2004 is done.”

February “Well since my only two readers gave me their opinion, I'll post mine.”

March “I'm still in a slump.”

April “Yeah, so? Luckily I have the day off, mostly.”

May “O.k. I'm really getting tired of winter thrusting itself here.”

June “No, I'm not gonna blow.”

July “First thought: Speech camp is over. Yaaaahooooooo!”

August “I have to give my laptop back this afternoon, so this may be my last post for a little while.”

September “Getting into a schedule I guess.”

October “It was nice to sleep in today.”

November “That's what life is right now.”

December “I love the internet.”

What I've learned

I started this list many months ago after reading a blog that did the same thing. I never thought of it as being finished and therefore never posted it.. but ran across it recently and decided to post it.

What I’ve learned….

I’ve learned that eBay is harder than it looks.

I’ve learned that loving someone always involves a risk, but usually it’s worth it.

I’ve learned that wearing high heels not only makes you look, but feel sexier.

I’ve learned that getting married for the sake of being married is not a good idea.

I’ve learned that there are a lot of weirdoes out there on the internet and I attract them like a magnet.

I’ve learned the value and joy that comes from playing a musical instrument.

I’ve learned that while saving for a rainy day is good, life is more enjoyable if you take vacations and splurge every now and then.

I’ve learned that if you stay friends with your exes, you might not have to pay for a new water heater.

I’ve learned that too much vodka is not a good thing.

I’ve learned that it’s difficult to let go of the past, but not impossible. And forgiveness is amazing.

I’ve learned that laughter is a necessity. Being able to laugh at yourself is a good thing.

I’ve learned you can’t change anyone, nor expect them to change. You have to love them for who they are.

I’ve learned that God has a sense of humor.

I’ve learned that my instincts are right 95% of the time.

I’ve learned that it is o.k. to be wrong and to apologize when you are.

I am...

This comes from my Journaling from the Heart Writing Workshop that I attempted last year. This exercise was to complete the statement "I am.." Here was my list I wrote on Jan. 10, 2005.

I am...

a mother
a teacher
a lover
a musician
an artist
a writer
a dreamer
a procrastinator
a friend
a survivor
emotional
intelletual
an enigma
a computer whiz
a follower
confusing
a shop-aholic
a truth seeker
a daydreamer
a driver
sensitive
beautiful
tired
creative
messy
shy
hopeful

More Teacher Nightmares

Last night I had TWO teaching nightmares. I really hate those. This time instead of the class being completely out of control, I couldn't get the class to do any work. And they were all making a mess eating and drinking snacks in my room and left a huge mess when they left. I woke up after that dream and decided I needed to dream about something more pleasant. So I drift off into my own fantasy land (no, I'm not going to tell you what I thought about... but for you nosy people, it wasn't Marty) and then I end up dreaming about teaching again. This time it was a new class... meaning beginning of the semester and I was calling out names on the attendance sheet. Everyone had really weird, unpronouncable names. It took the entire class period just to call roll. So I decided it was finally time to get up and start the day. My goal is cleaning today. We'll see how that goes.

Post Christmas

I am hoping I have a moment to slow down and take it easy for a few days now. Yeah, right. I think I've said this before. But I am at least going to try. Josh and I made a whirlwind trip to Albuquerque leaving late on Christmas eve arriving at 2:15 a.m. (Texas time). It was a very long drive and I was tired, but made it just fine. We had a nice Christmas with my aunt and uncle. They gave me a cordless drill, toaster oven and a candle warmer. Josh got a computer game he was wanting and some cool Lord of the Ring sword replicas. Santa brought him some books, a DVD and a self-cleaning electric razor. I can't believe my baby is old enough to shave. My aunt made turkey with the trimmings and they had some neighbors over to eat. I got a little buzzed on a bloody mary and a rum and coke. After dinner, I was still exhausted and took a 3 hour nap. We watched the movie Scrooged as it is a tradition.
On Monday we did a little shopping, much to the chagrin of Josh. I went to see my sister so I could take her gifts to her. She gave me a very nice Catholic family Bible. We had dinner out and then returned home. I was able to finish reading one of my books for pleasure which was nice. Oh, one of my friends gave me a Hastings gift card, so I can perhaps pick up another book to read during my break.
We left this morning around 10:30 and arrived home shortly after 3:00. I caught up on my blog reading and then took a nap. I ordered chinese take-out for dinner and now I'm just catching up on my own blogs while having a glass of wine.
So you haven't missed much in my world, but there you go. My exciting life as it is.

From 2003

Note: This is an entry from an older real journal that I wrote in January of 2003. I hadn't written in my journal for some time and had to update after being married. I am following in the footsteps of my friend Jonathon and posting things from my past just to see if anyone is interested in reading this stuff.

Well, it's been a very long time and will have a lot of catching up to do. Where to begin? I guess I'll start with getting married. I married Richard on December 19, 1998. We got married in the BIT and had the reception in the atrium of Northen Hall. Went on our honeymoon to a Sandals resort on the island of St.Lucia. Honeymoon was great! But won't get into it now.
As far as life after the honeymoon--I guess it's been less than perfect. Richard isn't the man I thought he was and I'm finding that I'm not the woman I thought I was. So many things have happened and I'd like to just place blame on Richard, but I know I can't. I'm not sure if it was something specific that happened or if things just digressed over time. I guess first I should get into the changes in me.
I quit teaching in May of 1999 and went to work for my yearbook rep. Overall this job change has been really good. It's stressful at times, but nothing as bad as teaching was.
I've gained about 40-45 pounds which really sucks and is a major part of my depression which I have finally been diagnosed with. I was reading the previous entries and noticed the whining about pushing the limits of a size 14 -- oh to be there again! Now I'm a full woman's size 18 and still gaining. I can't get it under control. I have zero willpower, no energy and no drive to do anything about it. I HATE my body.
One thing I haven't really been involved in and I miss is music. I played in the WT director's band two years ago and loved it! I really miss it. I'm going to start playing again in March with the clarinet ensemble. Maybe it will bring some happiness back in my life.
It's not that my life is so completely horrible. I have a family, nice house, pretty good income, some good friends but things still aren't right. My marriage has been on the rocks for a long time. I don't know if I should have seen it coming, but I guess I have a history of being blinded by the need to find love. When I first got to know Richard, I felt like we had a connection because it seemed like we could talk about anything -- now it seems we can't talk at all.

Shopping Daze

I don't know if it is because I'm getting old, or I'm out of shape, or that I'm recovering from the stomach flu... or maybe a bit of all three... but shopping today was completely exhausting. I should have probably held off until tomorrow and taken it easy today, but I fear tomorrow would have been far worse. I am almost finished though. I only have to buy for my aunt and uncle and my cousin. Not sure what I'm going to get them. I'll probably take the easy way out and get them gift certificates. It was complete madness today. I thought that if I went during the weekday it wouldn't be as bad. No. It was horrible. Traffic was nuts. Stores were packed. Checkout lines took forever. I did get my burrito from Taco Villa, which was quite tasty, but I couldn't finish it. I guess my stomach has really shrunk, because I can ALWAYS devour a meat burrito grande and usually a taco as well. Oh well. It's not a bad thing I guess. I would like to keep off those pounds I lost. I have no appetite for supper, but may force myself to eat a salad.
Well, I am off to choir rehearsal and then will probably be in bed shortly after I return.

Time to Catch Up

Well, I am feeling better. I went to bed around 10 last night and slept in until about 9:00. And I didn't feel sluggish getting out of bed. I am still having some abdominal issues, but am definitely functioning better. I have actually accomplished a few things so far this morning. I loaded the dishwasher and paid bills. And that is a huge feat in itself.
So on today's agenda I plan to: get started on laundry, clean house, finish Christmas shopping, go and eat a meat burrito grande from Taco Villa, go visit my friend Pam whose daughter is in the hospital again (she has cystic fibrosis, so if you are so inclined, please say a prayer for her), and then music/choir rehearsal at 7:00 tonight.
Well, I better get off this computer and get started on my day before I find it's gone again.

Still not up to Par

I forced myself to go to school today simply because I hadn't thrown up in 24 hours. I could have definitely used more time in bed. I still had a fever this morning, but I had tests to give and papers to grade. Immediately after getting home, I had to go pick up some conga drums for our church music program and then we had a rehearsal. After that Josh and I went to McDonald's to get lunch, but nothing sounded good at all. I forced myself to eat most of a McChicken sandwhich but couldn't finish it. I then took three tylenol and a well-deserved nap. Now I'm up, but still not 100%. And I have sooooo much to do. But I am hoping that if I rest tonight that maybe I'll be better tomorrow. I can dream, can't I? Oh, did I mention that I've lost 4 lbs in 2 days? Not the best way to lose it. I think I'd rather have my appetite back and not be running to the bathroom every hour.

Upchucking

Now there's a word I haven't used in a while, but it is indeed appropriate as I will share with you my lovely night. I'd like to say I can't remember the last time I vomited before last night. Unfortunately I can and it involved very large quantities of alcohol and some bad decisions. But last night had nothing to do with alcohol. I think I got a bug of stomach flu. (I looked up the symptoms online... where would we be without the internet and self-diagnosis?) But I had every one of them. And how are you supposed to drink fluids to prevent dehydration when they just come back up? I threw up three times last night and when I wasn't throwing up I was sitting on the pot or trying to get warm or being too warm or tossing and turning... you get the picture, I'm sure. I was debating about whether or not I should go to school today. I thought about trying to just suck it up, but I finally rolled out of bed at 5:30 and enter information for a substitute. I was pretty certain I had made the right decision when I couldn't even manage to type up my sub instructions because I was feeling so bad. I decided to wait to call my principal and carpool buddy until 6:30. In the meantime, I took a chance on trying tylenol again. Luckily it stayed down and seemed to help greatly. I made my calls at 6:30 and then went back to bed until 10:00. And I am feeling better in general, but still moving slowly. Right now I am trying to replenish my liquids as I don't think there was a single drop left in me.
Although I have the day at home, I don't think I am going to get much accomplished. I've learned that guilt is just part of the territory. I know I shouldn't have it and I should just rest, but there's so much to do. But I think I don't have much choice. But I did blog... so that's something right?

Winter is Here

Well, yesterday I didn't get any shopping done, nor did Marty's sister come over. No, winter decided to visit... but not the pretty kind with snowflakes and such. It just kind of drizzled and froze. When I left to go to church yesterday, I realized that my windows were completely iced over. So I had to spend about 10 minutes scraping and was late to class. Actually as I attempted to turn on the street next to the church, my car started sliding, but I managed to stop before hitting anything.
Since I was home all day yesterday, do you think I accomplished anything? Well, I did a little... but not much. I unloaded and loaded the dishwasher. I finished reading my Sue Grafton book. I did NOT grade papers. I did not do laundry. I did take a nap, however. Unfortunately because I did that, I had a hard time sleeping last night. It was one of those nights where you toss and turn and look at the clock every hour or so and not really getting any kind of sleep. I don't really remember sleeping. And to top things off, I had to get up by 5:45 because of the weather. We had to leave early because the roads were still very icy.
On the way to work today we passed two car wrecks, a car off the road, a semi-truck off the road and another one that had overturned and was completely on it's side. I drove about 35 mph. We did make it in time. Unfortunately my windshield wipers were not working very well at all. I had a small hole that I could sort of see through. So this morning during my conference I went to Auto Zone and got new blades. That was an ordeal in itself, but luckily there are nice, smart guys that work there and they took care of replacing them for me.
Now I have just finished lunch and am waiting for my next class to arrive. I need to finish grading papers, but I thought a break would be nice. I did get my 1st period classes grades finished and everyone passed except for one student. This student made a 45 on the easiest semester test in the world. It was a multiple choice test with only TWO choices. It had a small section (5) of matching and a few short answer questions. Half of the short answer questions were simple like.. what is the name of this class and what is one of my favorite past times? (Keep in mind I have rollercoaster pictures posted in my room and the class name is written on both the test and the answer sheet).
Luckily school is out at 2:00 today and tomorrow and Wednesday are shorter days.
Well, I better get started on grading more papers. I am kind of cheating in the fact that I'm not even reading their journal entries. If they wrote anything, I counted it. I'm doing the same thing on their worksheets. I also decided to drop one of their lowest daily grades as well. See... I'm not the meanest teacher in the world.

Almost the end

Well, I can see the end in sight at least. Yes, unlike other schools in the area, I still have three days of work next week. But I made through the two choir rehearsals, RCIA class, Christmas party, instrument rehearsal, and a partridge in a pear tree. So tonight I am thinking about cleaning my house, but am instead blogging, chatting online and having a rum and coke. Oh, come on... I do deserve a break today.
Tomorrow I have church and then perhaps some shopping. I really need to get my Christmas shopping done. Marty's sister-in-law is coming over tomorrow.
Speaking of Marty, I had a dream about him last night. I can't remember much in the way of specifics, but it involved a lot of holding hands and something about him driving a jeep. I do remember some feelings about being with him... like it was such a nice thing to be with him, but at the same time I was worried that it didn't really mean anything and it was just a temporary thing. I haven't dreamed about him in a long time, but I think it's because I talked to him earlier this week and have found myself in conversation with others about him. I would be lying if I said I didn't miss him, but I still know how things are.
I finally got my semester test finished and am ready to give it to my students that are not exempt from it.. which is the majority of my students in my classes. I still have a million papers to grade. No exagerration. Note to self: Do not give three assignments due the week before school is out.
I still have a lot of things I want to do and need to do. I need to get my house clean... again. And get laundry done... again. I want to finish my new Sue Grafton book. I want to sit in front of the t.v. and not have anything pressing to do. I want to sleep in in the mornings and not have any place to go. Maybe soon.

Too tired

to really blog. I am seriously thinking about going to bed very soon and not doing any school work. I could barely keep my eyes open at RCIA tonight. I am going to pray that if I go ahead and go to bed, I will get up early and go to school early and finish my semester test. (perhaps it is a long shot, but there's always hope)
Will catch up on blogging later.

There are not enough hours

in the day to get everything done that I need to do. Perhaps one of these days I should really learn the word "no". But it's not like it's anything I don't want to do... well, except grading papers... I don't really want to do that, but have to. So we had a speech tournament this weekend. Last night I stayed up at the school until 8:30 p.m. That is 13 hours at school since I arrived that morning at 7:30 p.m. And even then I didn't get everything done that I needed to do. Today I spent my entire conference and lunch grading papers and printing grade reports. And I'm still not caught up. I still have a semester test to make and a review sheet for my students. Haven't even started other than gathering my old tests to make the semester test. I didn't get home until 5:30 tonight because my ride home stayed late today. So I picked up dinner as there are no clean dishes in my house... unless you count the turkey platter and soup ladel. After eating dinner, I had a whopping 15 minutes before heading to choir rehearsal. So I caught up on reading some blogs when I should have probably graded a few papers. So sue me. Then I headed to choir rehearsal and I am really excited about it because I think I'm really improving. I can even sing harmony parts now and that is just way cool. Our practice went from 7:00 until 9:00 and then I met with the choir director afterwards to go over plans for the instrumental music. Of course I have volunteered to take care of transposing the music for various instruments and have it all ready by Saturday. But actually I have passed the buck on to Josh. He has some software that will allow him to do just that. So tonight I didn't get home until after 1o and then realized I had to have stuff to make stromboli for RCIA tomorrow and for the party I'm going to on Thursday. (Are you drooling Bret?)
So after I get home, I head out again at 10:15 and go to Walmart to get the things I need and don't return until almost 11:00. After feeding the animals and changing into my p.j.'s, I have now sat down to write of my adventures. But wait! It doesn't stop there!
Tomorrow is RCIA so I will get home hopefully by 5:00 and will make stromboli, then go to class from 6:30 until 8:00. Then perhaps I can do something school related. I am really hoping I'll get my semester test done by tomorrow afternoon if I work through my conference and lunch again. Well, anyways... on Thursday I have a speech teacher Christmas party to go to. Once again, I am taking stromboli. It's just one of those things that I know I can make well and people really enjoy it. Then on Friday, I will have most of the morning to work in my classroom as the other classes will be attending the musical. Hopefully by then I can get all my school things ready. I especially need to have stuff printed for the first of next semester since I'll be getting all new classes.
Oh the fun continues this weekend. Saturday morning is choir rehearsal from 10-12. Then we'll have an instrumental rehearsal from 2-4. Perhaps sometime in there I can go Christmas shopping or clean my house. Sunday is Church again. And then although other schools in the area will be out of school this Friday, I have to go for three days next week. We don't get out until the 21st.
So that is my life at the moment. I'm not sure how I am managing, but I am. I realize I can only do so much in a day so whatever gets done, gets done. Yes, I am quite busy, but it is good to be this way. Who has time to worry about things when there's so much going on. But I really do need a break. And soon.

Another busy weekend

Well it's already Sunday night and I haven't accomplished much this weekend. Today we had our Rite of Acceptance at the Church and that was a wonderful experience. Luckily it was at the 11:15 mass because I didn't get home until about 1:45 a.m. this morning.
I took some students to a speech tournament in Lubbock this weekend. It was an overnight trip. We had a good time and the kids did very well for so few students going. I took three down on Friday and then a parent brought three others on Saturday. I think we had a good bonding experience. I know they appreciated me coming out and talking to them at the tournament and I also took them to get food when we had a break. I was also told by another speech coach there that although the other teacher (that I am soon to be replacing) is a great lady, she tends to be a bit harsh and bitchy and that I am much more pleasant to be around. That was nice to hear... well... the fact that I'm pleasant to be around.
There was also an awkward moment where two other teachers were trying to set me up with someone. There's a guy that wrote a computer software program that basically runs a speech tournament and he goes to several tournaments to help run it. The other coaches were giving him a hard time because this other coach (who wasn't at the tournament) had a crush on him for a long time is now getting married to someone else. He never reciprocated the feelings as I guess she wasn't his type... which I can see why... not to be harsh, but they just seem to be opposites. Well... anyway, they were going on about him and how they needed to set him up with someone. I knew it was coming... all of a sudden they asked if I was married. I said. "No, I am not." And that's when they started going on about setting us up. I really didn't know how to react to that... it was kind of uncomfortable. I basically said that I've done the long distance thing before and wasn't interested in that. (The guy lives near Dallas) I didn't know what else to say. Luckily, he wasn't around when they were going on about all of this. He seems like a nice guy, but I really don't know him. And I still am not interested in the long-distance thing. Though Dallas is a much easier thing to deal with than Connecticut, it's still hard to imagine dating someone that didn't live around here. But I think despite my objection... they're going to be some busy little bees.
Today after church Josh and I went Christmas shopping. And now I'm exhausted. I want to go to bed right now and I'll probably be in bed by 9:00 tonight. I'm fairly certain that I'm not going to get any school work done and I think I'm just going to plan to stay up at school tomorrow and catch up on everything.
So that's my weekend. Have I mentioned before how ready I am for Christmas break?

Yippppeeeeee!

Josh's SSI came through. I think I posted in one of my blogs recently that somehow things always just seem to work out especially around Christmas time. And it's true! And it was a complete surprise... you know how things work out that way... when you're least expecting it. I went to the bank today to cash the check I had in order to give my students meal money on their trip tomorrow and when the teller handed me the slip that showed my bank balance I was shocked to see that there was an extra bit of money in there. She checked and said it was the SSI and that it had actually been deposited on Monday. I've been so busy that I haven't had the time to call about it or check my bank statements.
So I'm thinking that when I stop thinking about dating and men and love and relationships that is when prince charming will fall into my lap, right?

Too Much

to do and so little time. I'm feeling a little overwhelmed right now, but just doing the best I can. Didn't get anything accomplished this weekend as I had a speech tournament on Friday and Saturday. On Sunday I was so tired I couldn't go to 8:30 mass so I slept in and went to adult formation class at 10:00 and then mass at 11:15. Then after that, I had to go to the grocery store and make the turkey I bought on sale last week. I got my kitchen cleaned and the living room picked up in expectation of having guests for dinner, but nobody was available. So Josh and I had our turkey meal ourself. Now I have plenty of leftovers.
I very seriously considered playing hooky from school on Monday. I just wanted a day to get caught up on things. But I made myself go, which was probably a good thing.
Tonight I stayed after school since I didn't have my carpool buddy today and got some papers graded. I was there until 6:00. Now I've just finished supper and am wondering how I'm going to get my tree put up and lesson plans done by tomorrow and laundry that Josh just asked me to do. So why am I sitting here blogging? I guess because I'd rather be doing this than the other things. I have no other time to put my tree up other than tonight. Tomorrow is RCIA. Thursday is Josh's band concert and possibly choir practice. I'll be gone all day Friday through Saturday night late. I'm taking students to a speech tournament in Lubbock this weekend. Then Sunday is church again.
I still need to check on Josh's SSI, but I keep forgetting to take my contact information with me to school and since they close by 4:00, I can only call while I am at school.
Well, I better get off my duff and get started on all of this.

Impressed

I know that some people might say that I'm not easily impressed. To some extent that may be true, but many times it's that I keep that information to myself. But I have to brag on my speech team tonight. I am inheriting a really terrific group of kids. For those of you that aren't familar with the background, here's a quick recap.

I went back to teaching this year after working in the yearbook industry for six years. I was reluctant to consider going back, but as always, things work out the way they're supposed to and I was offered a job teaching speech and coaching the speech team. Technically I am in a transition period as I am teaming with the current coach who will resign from coaching next year (but will teach another year of just theatre and speech classes before retiring) . So we're trying to make this a smooth transition for the students.

We had a speech tournament this weekend and the kids did very well. Of 21 students that competed in multiple events, 26 entries made it to semi-finals and fourteen made it to finals. Overall, the team took 2nd place sweepstakes and several students are now qualified for TFA state competition.

But that's not why I am impressed. Sure, I am very proud of them and think they are very talented. I am most impressed with the way they behave and their presentation at tournaments. Compared to many teams in the area, our team is quite exceptional. First, they dress extremely well. Our guys look sharp in suits and ties. The girls are professional, yet feminine in their outfits. I can't tell you how many students I've seen at tournaments that dress very poorly. And not having money is really not an excuse in my book. We have some really poor kids and they still look fantastic. Next, they know how to take care of business when it comes to tournaments. They are on time, they get to their rounds and perform when they're supposed to, they stay to watch other competitors, they look out for each other, and are simply well-mannered. They stay dressed up throughout the tournament and don't change into sloppy clothes with funky houseshoes. Sure, it may be comfortable, but the other coach put it well today stating that it tells others that they are losers. It creates an image that they don't care about the fact that they may have not made it to semis or finals and all that matters is comfort. When the awards ceremony occurs, they still look professional when receiving awards and support their teammates. At the ceremony, they don't not make a big show of being obnoxious by screaming and hollering so loud it makes others go deaf. They stand for all first place winners in addition to their own teammates when they win. I was very dissappointed tonight when other schools knew that their teammates had won first and they were screaming so much that the second place person didn't get the recognition they deserved. One guy from another school went on stage to receive his trophy with a bucket on his head. Can you imagine? I know kids want to be silly, but there is a time and place for that... which is not at a speech tournament.
After the tournament, we took the kids to eat at a restaurant and I was sitting back watching this group of 21 students and they were all sitting quietly eating. They didn't get loud. They didn't act childish and throw things, unscrew salt shakers or any of that kind of immature behavior.
As I think about this job that I took, I have to say that I am quite relieved that I made this decision. Sure, I could have probably gotten a job elsewhere, but I honestly couldn't ask for a better group of kids.
Some people might think the school I'm at isn't a great place because it is a fairly low socio-economic community that is probably 80% Hispanic. But honestly, I think that the kids are much better in this school than many others I have worked with in the past ten years. Sure, there's a few problem kids in every school and some stinkers in every class. But even the kids that have some behavior issues are not really that bad. They know when to quit. They don't make excuses, nor do they rely on their parents to "bail them out".
I made the right decision about the school. Now, teaching... and everything that comes with that is fodder for another blog, but I really can't complain too much about the students I deal with.

How the internet makes my life better

I love the internet. It's amazing how that love has grown in the 10 years I've been online. When I first got online, I used AOL when they charged an arm and a leg per minute and I had to be careful about how much time I spent online. Luckily I met Richard at that time and he showed me the light of other companies that only charged a flat fee for unlimited service. Of course that was all back in the days of dial-up and 14.4 modems. I know a handful of people that still use dial-up (non-DSL) and I have to wonder why.
I loved chat rooms once upon a time, but have since lost interest. I remember being very frustrated using IRC and having a 5 minute lag time and I didn't understand why I could see other people's messages, but nobody was responding to mine.
I still enjoy instant messaging for the most part, but it has lost it's thrill as well. Like the guy that talked to me last night that lost interest when I acted like a teacher... which I am... in telling him that he was too young for me.
But I still love blogging, although I struggle for things to write about these days. I think talking about my lousy love life has had it's day. (Though I don't promise I won't talk about it any more.) And honestly, there just isn't that much excitement going on here... so you'll have to muddle through the boring stuff. Or maybe it's all boring.. I don't know.
The internet does have some other wonderful features. For example, I don't really have to leave home any more to do anything. Today I renewed both my driver's license and vehicle registration online. No waiting in lines or taking a day off of work. It was quite grand. And let's not forget online bill payment. That has got to be one of the greatest things! I haven't mailed a bill in for about two years now. I just sit down at my computer once a month and figure out how much I'm going to pay each company and do it all online. My bank either does an electronic payment or sends a check. And it comes out of my account immediately. No waiting for checks to clear and I almost always know how much money is my bank account. No stamps. No going to the post office. It's great. We can't forget the shopping either. Last year I bought several of my large Christmas gifts online because A. It's easier B. It was a lot cheaper. C. No tax. D. It's delivered to your door. I could probably do all my shopping online, but I do need to get a little exercise here and there.
You'd think with all this advancement with the internet we'd have so much more time. Well, that might be true if I didn't read my blogs, write them, surf the web, talk to friends, and shop. Oh well. It's still a good thing even though my house still isn't clean.

Being Churchy

O.k. I'm not what you'd call an overly zealous Christian. I do relish my journey into the Catholic Church, and if it comes up in conversation, I'll mention it. I wear either a crucifix or a saint necklace and try to live as exemplary as I can, but I don't throw it out there, nor do I try to convert anyone. But I have found my Church home and I enjoy it.
Last night I had another IM conversation and I posted about it in my other blog, but thought it would be interesting to share here as well.

I tend to stay on my computer throughout most evenings. Sure, sometimes I do other things like the dishes, perhaps some homework, or watching a little t.v. But I stay connected online checking email, reading other blogs, and I stay signed in to yahoo messenger. I've noticed lately that I haven't had as many random strangers trying to chat with me since I changed my profile to read 'single, not looking.' It's not that I'm not interested in a relationship, it's just I'm not trusting of meeting people online these days. I still pray that God has a plan for someone special to come into my life, and I'm trying to be patient in regard to that. Oh, yeah, I was making a point.
Tonight I had yet another random message, but did respond since he did have a profile (part of my rules for chatting). And we went through the typical cheesy conversation stuff... "where are you from?" around here "Do you have pictures?" Yes "Well, you're cute!" Thanks "What do you do for fun?" Ride rollercoasters. "Cool, anything else?" blog, watch t.v., go to church, crochet, go out to eat, movies, read, puzzles.... And for some strange reason, that ended the conversation. I'm thinking it was the statement about going to Church. Seems to scare some people off these days.

So no big deal on losing that conversation, but it makes me think about how people tend to be judgmental. I admit I've been quite guilty of that myself. I don't talk to people that are openly sexual online because I find it offensive. So I guess if my church-going is offensive, then that's o.k. But I have online friends of all sorts. I don't have friends simply because they share my beliefs. If that were the case, I'd be in short supply. But I cherish friends because of our differences and though I won't try to necessarily "win people to Christ", I will try to live by example and pray for them. Although you won't see a lot of "Churchy" stuff in this blog, it is a part of who I am right now. I'm still not going to talk to people that ask me if I want to see naked pictures of themselves, but I will try not to be judgmental about it. It is simply a choice. Not that the person who stopped the conversation was being judgmental, but since a conversation had started, it might have been polite to say that they weren't interested in pursuing further conversation. But oh well. Just my thoughts right now.

The Joy of Plumbing

I have a sewer line that is mostly fixed!! I say mostly because the part that is actually in the ally was not replaced (because we didn't have "real" plumbers do the work) but my wonderful brother came and finished the work today. As I type, Josh and David are in the back yard filling up the hole that has been there since oh, around July or so. For the past few months I've basically had a trench in my yard where the stuff that flows from the pipes in the house has been travelling along to the ally. Not a pretty sight, but it wasn't as bad as the overflow that was in the yard for the previous year. Yes, for at least a year, if not more. Basically I had a sewage swamp in the yard. So I'm going to hope and pray that the sewer line issue is resolved. I don't know what I'd do without my brother. He fixed my heating last year and the sewer this year. He's good to have around when I can acutally get a hold of him. I take back the bad thoughts I had about him when he didn't return my calls.
On the downside, my dogs got out today. Which isn't tragic as they were all found, except for the fact that Mollie is in heat. I really, really hope that she didn't get herself knocked up in the hopefully short time she was out. Perhaps a prayer to St. Francis of Assisi is due.

A Blustery Day

We got our first snow today. And I was one of those crazy people that went out in it. It was pretty heavy for a while, but by the time I headed home it was mostly windy without much moisture. I went shopping today. Mervyn's in Amarillo is closing so I picked up a few items there. I admit that I bought myself a few items today and although I probably should feel guilty; I'm not going to. I was overjoyed to find a new Marvin ornament. It was a "Duck Dodgers" one with Marvin flying a space ship with Daffy behind him with Christmas lights. It's a Hallmark ornament and the great thing is that I got it 30% off at Mervyn's. That was the highlight of my day! Now I'm sitting in my Marvin p.j.'s and waiting for dinner to be finished. I almost have my house clean and am mostly caught up on laundry. I started moving stuff out of the extra bedroom and into the shelves in the garage, but haven't finished yet. I'll work on that this week. I want to get that room set up as a craft room. I have some things I want to work on as Christmas presents and need the space to do it without distraction. I haven't put up my tree yet. I'm trying to figure out where to put it this year as the place I had it last year isn't available... since I have a rather large computer desk in that spot right now.
I didn't do any school work that I had planned on during this break. Oh well. I have a general idea of the things I'll be teaching at the end of the week. The first half of this week will be listening to persuasive speeches. That should be interesting. We have a variety of topics from legalizing drugs, to same sex marriages, and smoking bans. I won't be in school on Friday or it might be a half day for me. We have a speech tournament this weekend and the next. So I'm staying busy as usual.

Home Again, Home Again

Jiggity Jig. O.k. so I'm not really doing a jig, but it feels good to be home again. I always enjoy spending time with my family in ABQ, but the drive just makes it a long trip. Thanksgiving was nice. We went to Golden Corral and pigged out. I'm sure I probably gained the "seasonal seven" pounds. Guess I'll have to do something to get rid of it. I'm thinking of trying to do my dance workout class again after the first of the year. Not sure if I can handle it, but I think I should try.
My aunt is so nice. We went shopping on Friday (yes, idiots we are) and she bought me underwear (since my dog has been eating mine), a new purse, a pair of slippers and a cheese ball (don't ask). She always fills up my tank with gas and also told me that Steve (her husband) wanted to pay for Josh's piano lessons. So now we've got to find him a teacher.
I watched The Incredibles for the the first time and it was a cute movie. I saw my sister's new house. It's pretty nice, but still needs some work. She has a pool in the back yard which will be good to have in the summer. I'm amazed that my sister (the wild one) has settled down with a husband and a house. Things change I guess.
There's really not a lot more to tell about the holiday. It was nice, but like I said, it's good to be home.

Please explain

Why I have the opportunity to sleep late today and I am up at 7:30 a.m.? Oh well, guess that means I can get some work done. You might want to sit down for this. Really. You will be shocked. O.k. I have been cleaning out the garage. I know - you're amazed. But yesterday was such a pretty day and warm enough and I had extra time and I thought that I really needed to be able to park my car in there, so I started cleaning it out. (yeah, it's a run-on, so sue me.) Josh asked me yesterday if we could get donuts this morning, and I can't say no of course, so I guess I'll head over to the Donut Stop and get breakfast soon.
I am heading to Albuquerque for Thanksgiving today. That means I won't be around much for blogging purposes, not that I've been all that active lately. But just so you know. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving holiday. Stuff yourselves and don't feel guilty.

Dinner and a Movie

Well, Josh and I had our date last night. This whole weekend seemed to fly by so quickly. It's a very good thing that it's a short week. After he finished his last performance of the musical, I picked him up so he could wash his make-up off. Because I'm I nice mom that wouldn't force him to be too embarassed. We headed to Olive Garden for our annual birthday dinner (even though it was ten days ago). My dad, Carol Ann and her daughter also joined us. (And dad paid, wooo hooo.) I had what I always have. (chicken fetuccine alfredo) No surprise there. But it was quite yummy. After dinner we went to see Harry Potter. I am a bit mixed on my feelings about the movie. I won't give any spoilers, but I felt that although they did a good job in general of recreating the challenges, the movie felt rushed. That's probably because they had to take an 800+ page book and put it into a movie that is only 157 minutes. Yes, that's a pretty lengthy movie in general, but it's not enough to really get the whole story. I figured they'd have to shorten the beginning quidditch match, but so much more was missing. Voldemort, however, was really quite well done. I also thought they did a good job with the emotional aspect of the movie. Sure, it's darker, but that's the way the story is. But they still kept a good deal of humor in it.
Bottom line. Do go see the movie. You must. But if you're one of those weird people out there that hasn't read the books yet, you are really missing out. So go get the books and read them. Right now. I mean it. You think they're just kids books, but that is so not true. So what are you sitting around reading my blog for? Get to Barnes and Noble.

So what's your web routine?

I have this routine I go through on the web each day. Usually when I get up in the morning, I will check email, my site meter stats and if I have time I briefly read a few of my regular blogs. Usually, though, I do most of my reading when I get home from school. Once again, I check my sitemeter stats. (I'm addicted and it keeps me writing if I know people are reading.) And then I check my regular blogs. If I have a lot of time at home, I do this throughout the evening. I'm always happy when a blog I read has been updated. Even if it's mundane, daily stuff, I still enjoy looking into the lives of people that for the most part I don't even know personally. Sure I know Patrick, and my friend Bret, but the others are strangers, but they don't really feel like strangers. I feel that they are my friends. I love to hear about Grumpy's hikes, the Piggly Wiggly updates and his life in general. I want to hear how Summer is doing and often want to just go and give her a big long hug as she bears so much. Patrick, Tiffany, Susan and I usually end up posting the same quizzes and memes and I learn neat things about them. I still owe Prison Pete a personal letter, but I still read his blog and find him to be very real. And then there's the others that I don't often correspond with, but try to keep up with their lives none-the-less. Some that I read, I have never corresponded with, but enjoy their writing so much I have to check them out daily.
I also check out a Catholic forum, Found Magazine's new daily item, and try to read Dear Abby. I also read my son's blog from time to time, but I don't let him know that I know about it... if you know what I mean.
I try to post at least every other day, but I know oftentimes it's that simple, mundane stuff. But usually that's what life is all about. So if I bore you, my apologies, but sometimes good to not have exciting things happening or profound thoughts. (Not that I have many of those.)
I usually turn on my Yahoo Instant Messenger, but I rarely talk on it any more it seems. Actually I've had some conversations with my ex-husband lately which has been kind of nice. I've missed his friendship. Once in a while my friend John sends me a message.. especially when he's out of town on business and has nothing else to do. Marty's sister-in-law and I chat from time to time and we've become good friends. But that's about it. I haven't even been getting all those weirdos sending me messages lately either. (Not that I complaining in the least)
So that's my web routine. Sometimes I vary it by doing some shopping, checking out ebay or just general searching for whatever I'm curious about at the time. Do you have a routine that you find yourself following?

Moving Right Along

The busy week doesn't seem to be ending, but it's really a good thing (other than the state of my house at the moment). Yesterday I had RCIA class, tonight was choir practice for 2 1/2 hours. I really love singing in the choir, but I know I'm still not very good at it. But I do love rejoicing and learning the music. Our dedication of the Church this weekend will really be very special.
Tomorrow I'll be going to see Josh in the school musical. It will be really great to see him perform in another medium beside playing an instrument. I am so very proud of how talented he is. Oh! To brag a little bit, he made 7th chair in symphonic band and he's one of only two freshmen that made it.
Saturday is the dedication. Sunday is church. Josh and I also are planning to go see Harry Potter and then to dinner to celebrate our birthdays.
Luckily next week is a very short week of school... a day and a half. Because the HISD staff met the goal for the United Way, the superintendent is allowing us to only go a half day on Tuesday. Way cool.
So things are moving right along. Richard has been IM'ng me lately and it's been fun chatting with him. He said he really appreciated the nice things I said about him on here and that it made his day. I am glad.
Well, it's past my bed time and I have to trudge through another day of school tomorrow.

For my exes (though not all live in Texas)

I don't know if this stems from forgiveness, moving on or simply the fact that I've grown up. Perhaps it's a little of all three, but I wanted to write a post about some men that were special in my life once upon a time.

My ex-husband, Richard

I know I've given him a bad rep on here and have been less than kind in some of my posts about him. I don't deny that there were many issues in our marriage and he had some qualities that weren't admirable in my book, but I'm not going to dwell on such things. Because they no longer matter. Instead I will tell you some nice things about him.
He is a very talented man. He can act, write, and is a natural show-off. It was because of him I got an interest in theatre and had some great times with a tiny local theatre group. I was attracted to him in the beginning because he told me about how he had placed at state competition in duet acting. I was impressed. He has also written a screen play that I hope he is able to sell some day. On our first date he did a magic trick for me and I have since played the part as a magician's assistant. He also had a brief stint as a hypnotist and I would travel with him to shows and run his sound. I really miss those times traveling and helping him. Something that will remain special with me are all the trips we took together. Although we weren't always doing well relationship-wise, we could have a great time when we would travel. I miss having a rollercoaster buddy. I know that if I told him I needed someone to ride the rides with me, he'd be there in a heartbeat. In our short five years, we traveled to a number of places and always seemed to have a good time.
He was also a romantic. I realized probably too late just how romantic he was. He sent me flowers numerous times and as I was going through stuff when moving last year, I found the many cards he had given me. I know he loved me very much and I feel bad that I couldn't reciprocate the feeling. It's not that I didn't love him. I did very much in the beginning, but as problems grew, I fell out of love although I still cared for him. It's why I held on so long.
But we did have some very special moments that I will always cherish.
Richard is also a very smart man. I owe a lot of my computer knowledge to him. He is truly a whiz when it came to learning things on the computer.
I loved the fact that he would play scrabble with me despite receiving a constant ass-kicking. He always opened doors for me and I learned to appreciate that. He opened my mind in many ways and helped me believe in myself when I wasn't sure if I could accomplish things. He let me improve his wardrobe which desperately needed help.
We talked online last night and it was good to hear from him. I miss conversations with him. I'm glad we've been able to remain friends and have put our past behind us. I can still cherish the special memories, but I'm no longer dwelling on the negative. He was a very good friend to me when I had to deal with the break-up with Marty. It was kind of weird crying on my ex-husband's shoulder about the break up but I appreciated the fact that he took time to be there for me.
We have both moved on with our lives and there is not a desire on either part to rekindle anything, but we will always remain friends and I am glad. I wish the best for him and hope he finds happiness in all that he does.

Marty

I know I've probably talked about him enough on this blog, but grant me one more post. (or two or three) Again, I don't intend to cover anything negative, but want to share about what a great man he is and the impact he had on me.
As my regular readers know, he was my high school sweetheart that looked me up almost two years ago via classmates.com and we developed a relationship for about nine months. Marty is a very generous and kind man. He spared no expense for me when it came to coming to visit. I know he emptied his pocketbook many times just to be able to spend time with me and that meant the world to me. It was tough dealing with 1500 miles, but somehow we made it work for a while.
Marty made me feel very special. I felt great love from him and it was because of him I realized that I deserved to be loved. Being in a relationship with him helped me gain back a lot of my self-esteem.
I found Marty to be very physically attractive and there was some wonderful physical chemistry between us. Something I admittedly miss very much. And he smelled WONDERFUL. That's something I can't forget about him.. how good he smelled. Ooops... getting a little hot and bothered... pardon me.
Marty was a terrific father to his precious girls. He was a very loving man and a good friend. He's the type of man that would do anything for somebody he loved. Not only did I fall in love with him, but his family as well.
I miss the many conversations we had via IM and on the phone. We always seemed to find something to talk about. He was a kid at heart and had a great attitude about most things in life. He was always fun to be around and he sacrificed a lot for me.
It is because of him (indirectly) that I took the steps in returning to God and found my home in the Catholic church. For that I am ever so grateful. He gave me so many things that I can't even describe here, but I appreciate so much having the time that I did have with him. And yes, I still miss him from time to time. I cannot deny that. But I do know how things are and I accept the fact that God had different plans for us. But I will always care for him and I pray that finds happiness and joy always. He is still my friend and I still love him as my friend.

And I'll leave this post with just those two for now. I still owe Patrick a post since he wrote a very kind one about me once. But will hold that for another time.

Like I need another pet....

Bored at work

You are 'programming in QBASIC'. This programming
language (of which the acronym stands for
'Quick Beginners' All-purpose Symbolic
Instruction Code'), which is so primitive that
it cannot easily be used for any purpose
involving the Internet nor even sound, was
current more than a decade ago.

You are independent, in a good way. When something
which you need cannot be found, you make it
yourself. In writing and in talking with
people, you value clarity and precision; your
friends may not realize how important that is.
When necessary, you are prepared to be a
mediator in conflicts between your friends.
You are very rational, and you think of things
in terms of logic and common sense.
Unfortunately, your emotionally unstable
friends may be put off by your devotion to
logic; they may even accuse you of pedantry and
insensitivity. Your problem is that
programming in QBASIC has been obsolete for a
long time.


What obsolete skill are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

How Long Until Thanksgiving?

I'm so very ready for a break. The good thing about teaching is that we periodically get breaks in the year. But this week is looking like a very busy week. After school today I have to rush to Amarillo and go to my bank and turn my coins into cash so I can take care of my overdrawn account. Then I have to go get reeds for Josh. Tonight there is a band boosters meeting as well. Tomorrow will be the only evening I have free this week, but I'm sure something will come up. Wednesday is RCIA. Thursday is choir. Friday is either musical for Josh or we're going out for our birthday. Saturday is the church dedication and then Josh's musical. Sunday is church. Luckily the following week is a short week. But since we're heading to Albuquerque, I'm not sure it will be much of a break. But luckily, Christmas will be next. I just hope the money situation gets taken care of soon.

Why is it?

Why is it that when I actually have the opportunity to sleep in and be completely lazy on a Friday morning that I am wide awake at 6:45? I made myself stay in bed but I finally gave up. This is after going to bed near midnight last night. Any other night I stay up that late and try to wake up before seven is like waking the dead. But this particular morning I could have gone for a run or something... but no, I didn't care to do that. What? Me exercise? Bah!

Now for the not so great news yesterday. I got a call from the social security office in Alice, TX on Wednesday. I could not return the call because they close their offices at 4:00. So I remembered to call yesterday... barely. But I was able to leave a message and the lady called me back. It turns out that they have to work the entire case on Josh's dad from the same office. That means the claim from his wife and daughters and Josh have to be done together. (It would have been nice to be told this from the beginning... oh, yeah, we're dealing with inept government people.) So, the lady tells me that because the case has to be reestablished down there, she needs the materials that the Amarillo office requested from me. Well, I did my duty and had already sent those items to the Amarillo office. She said that she had emailed the office about them and had not heard a reply from them and she couldn't proceed without the documents. And then here's the kicker! She's going to be gone for the next week and won't return until the 21st. So that means there is no way the money will be coming on the 16th like they originally told me. In fact she said it will probably be at least a month once she files everything. So there's a big lesson for me on counting the money before it's deposited. Josh's band trip is still due next week and I'm not sure what I'm going to do about it. My friend that I carpool with offered to loan it to me, but I felt weird about that. It's not that I wouldn't pay it back, but it's just not right for some reason. My aunt and uncle might be able to help me out or I might be able to ask my dad. Worst case I can get a cash advance on my credit card, but that will cost an arm and a leg. Aaaarrrrgggghhhh! O.k. I feel better now.

A birthday story

Yes, today is my birthday. And it hasn't been too bad. It's not been very eventful, but that's o.k. I had some disturbing news to share, but will hold off on that until tomorrow. Today I will tell you about the good things and then share a story with you.

Good thing #1: I got my rebates from Cingular today. It was weird though, because they sent them as four Visa gift cards. Oh well, money is money I guess.

Good thing #2: Today was the last day at school for this week... at least for me. That is why I am currently up past my bed time. I get to sleep in tomorrow!!

Good thing #3: We sold all but two of Josh's band cards. I may still have one sold if someone who said they would buy one actually does.

Good thing #4: We had a great choir rehearsal last night with two professional leaders that really helped us.

And for the birthday story:

It happened 15 years ago. It was my 21st birthday. I woke up to having mild contractions. I was nine months pregnant. The baby was due on Nov. 12, but I had a feeling he/she would make an appearance on my birthday. I called my aunt and told her that I was having contractions. I went over to her house to take a shower. (I only had a tub in my tiny house) We went to McDonald's to eat. They were running about 20 minutes apart. I was told that when they were five minutes apart I should head to the hospital. They kept getting closer so I called the father and told him. He was gracious enough to drive me to the hospital. (But I carried my own bag in... it was kind of funny because he remembered after the fact.) My aunt said she'd meet me up there later.
I checked in and they hooked me up to monitors to see if I was really ready to have a baby. My contractions were regular at 4-5 minutes apart, but I wasn't dialating. But they said I could stay. I decided to be brave and forgo the drugs for a while. After all, the contractions were getting a little uncomfortable, but not too bad. But then they gave me the pitocin.
Throughout the day I had visitors come. My best friends from college were there. They even ordered pizza and had it in my room. I didn't mind so much because the labor was getting intense. I could no longer talk through contractions. My aunt, uncle, sister, cousin, dad and mom where all there at some point. My mom called me before coming up to the hospital and said "Happy Birthday! What do you want for your birthday?" After I had just dealt with a contraction I told her I wanted an epidural. (It wasn't covered under medicaid) She asked how much they were and I told her about $500. She said no. So the contractions were getting unbearable, but at least I started to dialate. Actually I went from a "3" to a "9" in a short amount of time. I finally asked for drugs and they said it was too late and that I would be ready to push soon. So when they said I was ready, that's all I did. It hurt. A lot. I vowed to remember the pain and NEVER go through it again. So I did so well with pushing that I had the baby before the doctor even arrived. He was walking down the hall when the first scream came. (From the baby, not me... I had been screaming a while.) My sister acosted him in the hall and told him "It's about time you got here!" He replied "Oh, we have baby?" Well, he came in and finished up the stuff that comes with having a baby... won't go in to details there.
And that was the day my son, Joshua was born. On my 21st birthday at 6:42 p.m. (Coincidentally, I was born at 9:42)
My sister had brought strawberry dacquiris up there for me... but I passed... kind of wanted them a few hours before, you know? So after everything I had family and friends there and a new baby. It was a bit overwhelming. Some people immediately fall in love with their children the moment they have them. I have to admit it took some time with me. There's no doubt that I loved him, but I had to grow into that deep love. And now he is the most precious thing to me and I would do anything for him. But you have to understand that I was young, unmarried, in college and on welfare. Not the best of circumstances to be having a baby and raising it. But I did. I took the responsibility on myself. And I don't regret a second of it.
When I found out I was pregnant I considered adoption for a while. But I knew I probably couldn't go through with it. Jacob wanted me to have an abortion and my aunt wanted me to think about it because having a baby would ruin my life. I have found Josh to be the greatest blessing. I never even considered abortion. Although at the time I felt that other women had the right to make that decision, I felt it was wrong for me. (Since then I have taken the stance that abortion is morally wrong altogether.)
But I eventually grew to that deep, abiding love and learned how to manage a baby, college, and work at the same time. I think during those years I might have gotten a total of about 4 hours of sleep. But I got through school after another four years and managed to graduate with honors. I don't recommend this for girls who fantasize about having babies and such. Although Josh is indeed special to me, it was a very difficult struggle. I struggled emotionally and financially. It took great strength that I wasn't sure I had at times. But by the grace of God I made it. Sometimes I questioned why He could stand by me for so long and hold my hand when I didn't give Him anything in return, but His love is simply amazing.
So that's my birthday story. On my 21st birthday I received the greatest mother's gift - my son, Josh.

Short Update

School is busy. I'm behind on everything. I don't know what I'm going to leave for a substitute on Friday, but I am looking forward to sleeping in, I hope.
Got a call from somebody from Social Security today but only got a message to call them. I'm a little worried about it. Will call them first thing tomorrow.
Got a birthday present in the mail today from my aunt. Got the new special edition DVD of Titanic. Josh is mortified because he hates that movie. Well, he doesn't have to watch it. He got the Phantom of the Opera DVD and a CD.
Have RCIA tonight which will be great because we're touring the church.
Talked to Marty for over an hour last night and really enjoyed the conversation. He still brings a smile to my face with some of the things he says. I sent him a package today with something I've been wanting to send to him for a while. It was really great talking to him.
I have to sell 10 Band Discount cards by Friday. Notice I said "I". Josh is not doing much in the way of selling.
I'll be 36 tomorrow, but for some reason I feel younger this year than I did last year. That's probably a good thing.
And that's all for the updates.

Is it bad?

Is it bad that it's not even 9:00 and I want to go to bed? Today was a long day. It was an inservice day at school which means no kids, but still have to be there. My first session was pretty much a waste as it was desktop publishing... which I just did as a job for the past six years. But the second session was very useful as I learned how to use FrontPage and can now design a website for the speech team and for my classes. It's wayyyy cool. After the day of inservice I had to stay up at school because we were meeting with the speech team tonight for an evening practice session so we the kids could get caught up and ready for the WT tournament. I spent an hour and half in my office working on some school stuff, then spent another two hours in the speech room. I only got home about 30 minutes ago. It's great that this week is a short week since today was inservice and I'm out of school on Friday. Wooo Hooo! And even better is the fact that all three days will be spent in the library with my classes researching their persuasive topics.
I started writing a letter to Marty last night but I haven't been able to finish it. It got way past my bedtime and I had to put it on hold and didn't have much time today. Maybe I'll get it finished while my kids are "supposedly researching" in the library. I also owe Pete a letter as he has now sent me two and I need to write him back. Why am I writing to Marty if I'm over him you ask? Well, I have something I've been wanting to send him a while and would like to get that to him and it's just a friendly letter that says some things I've needed to say to him. It's nothing bad and I'm not going to ask him any why's about our relationship. I don't need to know them. I know why he came into my life and I know why he left almost as quickly. So there, nosy people. Just kidding. I'm still quite content with the way things are and I'm not pondering all the what-if's any more and wishing things had turned out differently.
Well, that's all the excitement in my life today. And I'm really thinking of going to bed soon. I should be in bed by 10:00 at least. Of course I say that now and I won't be in bed before midnight... go figure.

Happy Birthday to Me

O.k. it's not my birthday yet. It's actually the 10th. But I did go shopping today (bad Annabel) and got a few things. My main gift to myself was two new bras. I know you're thrilled to hear that, but you have to understand that I have had the same bra for about four years now. I have others, but none seem to fit right and there's only one that I've been wearing. But it's been wearing thin and it's getting loose from either the fact that I've stretched it out or because I've lost weight. I'm going to think it's the latter because it makes me feel better. So I went to Victoria Secret today and had myself measured. You'll be happy to know that I have gone down a size and can now wear a "normal" sized bra. That means I don't have to buy just the "full-figured" woman sizes. So I tried on a bevy of bras and chose two that I liked. Yeah, I spent and arm and a leg, but I think it will be worth it in the end.
After that I went to Ross for Less so I could get some sweaters. It's getting chilly here and I don't have much in the way of winter clothes. All of my clothes I had last year don't fit any more. They are way too big. (More good news.) So I tried on about 12 sweaters and bought four. You'll also be happy to note that many of them were way too big as a size XL and two of the sweaters I bought are only Larges. I also tried on a size 14 pair of pants and although they were a bit tight, I could zip and button them. I think I'm getting closer to being another size smaller.
But I wasn't completely selfish today. You know Josh and I share a birthday, so I had to get his presents today too. I got him the DVD of Star Wars III as well as The Princess Bride. He's also a fan of George Carlin, so I bought him the Napalm and Silly Putty book. I also got him some of the Bath and Body works men's shower gel. I let him have what Marty had left here because he was complaining about dry skin. He seemed to really like it. Only problem is that the smell reminds me of Marty. But he does smell good.
Since we've got things going on during our birthday this week (Choir practice on Thursday, I have a speech tournament Fri. & Sat., and Josh has a game on Fri.) we're going to hold off on going out for our birthday until the next week. I think we'll plan to go to dinner and see Harry Potter on the 18th.
For a while I was thinking that my birthdays are no longer special because very few people remember them and there's no more parties or any kind of big deal made about them. But as I spend time with Josh, I realize just how special my birthday is. After all, what better gift can a mother get than to have her child on her birthday? I am so blessed.

So what brings you here?

I've been checking my stats on site meter and it's very interesting to see what other people have searched on the internet and end up at my blog. I once posted about the phrase "naked girls in and around Amarillo" but there are few more interesting searches. Some make perfect sense like "story of my life" and "annabel-lee" and "marty valentine" but some are baffling.

I know I have my regular readers like Grumpy, Summer, Pixie, Susan and Bret, but I do get a few other hits because of my Catholic blog, from Prison Pete, and my yahoo or blogger profile. I feel lately my writing hasn't been exciting simply because life is rather boring at the moment. I guess when there's no drama in my love life there just isn't a lot to write about. Still not complaining, but would like to find more interesting things to tackle. Perhaps my muse will visit again soon. For now, enjoy the list of searches that have allowed a few others to stop by for a quick visit.

Don’t get caught on security camera

celebrity yearbook george eads

story of my life

looking for dentist to yank all my teeth

getting along with your lover ones

my-waterbed sprung leak october 2005

if i haven't received my period yet but i haven't received any symptoms does it mean im pregnant?

rebound relationship blog

prayer to make lover come back

old lover stories

write a fill in birthday story

wedding ring separated

"hair cut very short"

"marty valentine"

bloody marys life story

lazy students

amarillo naked girls

my lover my friend

how to get over a lover

annabel-lee

Change

Someone commented to me the other stating: "You don't like change, do you?" I had to think about that. And I suppose she was right in a lot of ways. On the other hand, I sometimes welcome change and it is a blessing. For example the change I am experiencing in my Catholic journey. That has been a wonderful blessing. But when it comes to cars and food and all of that, I'm pretty set in my ways. When I go out to eat, I tend to order the same thing at specific restaurants. I rarely try something different. The thing is that I know what I like and I know it's good, so why risk something else? I have been driving for 20 years now. In that time I have had only 4 different cars. My first car was a '79 Mustang that I had to put oil in every day after school. My parents finally got me a new car my junior year. It was an '88 Nissan Sentra. I had that car for nine years. When I finally was able to buy my first car on my own, what do you think I bought? You guessed it. A Sentra. Of course this one was loaded with cruise control, power windows and air conditioning. I kept that car for two years and traded it in on my current car. My Honda is 6 1/2 years old. And I'll drive it until I can afford a new car. When I was thinking about getting a new car at the beginning of the year, I was pretty set on simply getting a newer version of my Honda. It's been a great car and why change now?

But it's not that I don't welcome change or like it. Change can be a very good thing. I just know that when something works, I tend to stick with it. And perhaps that's why I fought so hard in my relationships and why I always hate break ups. Sure they're painful and perhaps they are meant to be and for a good reason, but it's still a change. But I guess I should be more open than I am.